Nov 19, 2014


Who would have thought at the age of 45, Id be training in a new career, have a roommate, open a company and be on a wind whirl of life? Well this happened. After the unsettling strike, cut in hours at the Vancouver School Board, I decided to take a hard look at my life in many areas.  Some decisions almost made me homeless and food less on many of the months..I have lost friends, distant myself from family and I can only say that in the long run my choices have been solid. The people that kept in contact and stuck around have known all along the choices I have had to make. For a better lack of word, they have shown up.

So I thought Id share a bit, after not writing for sometime. I realized I really was fucked when the VSB went on strike and I would not qualify for Unemployment Insurance due to federal debt. My time was Sushi dog time, at 330 pm I'd be home, Giving my dog loves, taking her out, giving her medication, having a hour of cuddle time- then just before Halloween, Sushi Dog stopped moving. I looked at her vacant eyes that night and feared the worst. The worst came. I wrote her long letter about what a good dog she was, and thanked her for not only being my companion, but being my friend. Sushi's vet bills were running me 600 dollars a month. This went on for one year. Small companies I worked for kept me afloat on the financial end, cash jobs and diligence kept me keeping my bills barely afloat. At the end of the day, everyday- I just wanted to be with my dog.

I received over 20 cards for sushi, with gifts and flowers, huge support of my friends..and my landlords left bags on the door knob flowers and books on 101 things to do on your bucket list. I still cant go home at 330, and when I do , most times I cry. Martin the cat also mourns for his dog, screaming at night, to sleeping on my head. Martin has now taken a turn for the worst,he has a anxiety that is giving him spasms and has now hurt his spine goes on. I am working threw it to hope for a speedy recovery for Martin.

After I picked myself up, I decided to take a hard look at how this federal debt was affecting me and also how to get discharged from my bankruptcy- If you are considering bankruptcy, please read all the fine print cause it can be the worst decision you make without proper counsel. The federal debt required much research, and going to court with the Tribunal Counsel-many many documents dated as far back as 2000. The discharge requires meetings and pleas with Canada Credit Counselling, Debt Canada.. to find a loophole to find a lawyer who will take the case to court based on hardship- this cost money, allot of money- unless you do much leg work yourself,

Having debt from shopping sprees or credit cards, is not quite the same as Federal Debt-
Quite different in fact, and can affect your life forever. My shopping sprees and love for label names and designer clothing ended in 2007.  This was not my debt. My debt was student loans, taxes penalty's for EI earnings and taxes, creating a daily interest rate, moving for 2500 owed to 6000 penalties, to 30k in over 5 years.

When you file for Bankruptcy they don't tell you that your surplus income will be taken, they don't tell you that your federal debt wont be covered, only a small percentage. At least the not so trusting trustee I chose did not. So for 7 years I paid into EI and didn't get a tax return but my refunds where in the 1500-2500 range, if its not going toward my debt with the federal government, where is it? I received my papers this week, that after 5 years they are willing to re-open the case and go to court. This all has been taxing on my life, leaving me tired and depressed. I did eventually get granted the EI, at the end of the summer when I was completely consumed with bills and had a temporary roommate move in to help me out. I would have no cable, Internet or phone- my food would be from BUY LOW. Not a drop of alcohol would be purchased, my produce would come from the garden.

Meanwhile...hours are slim at VSB, so why not challenge myself and go POSTAL? Sushi is not here, I can get into shape and make money.

On day three I realized I'm a fucking mule uphill and want to die. However..I am not discouraged, I am excited, I can tuff it out..move into something else in Canada Post. It has been quite entertaining with the different personalities of Canada Post, everyone I have met has been helpful and encouraging- even with the PT Change. They do tell you it is a 6 month learning curve, and only 20% can make or break it. I now know why. It was 3 weeks of continuous tests and physical labour.  
After the training you still feel like there is no way you can go out on your own and do the job.

Letter Carriers do not just deliver the mail, it is two hours or up to 4 hours of sorting in a case in numeric order, you have a quota of flyer's and householders, packages and parcels that all have to be scanned, you have to deal with customs...then there is the danger of the job, physically and bomb treats, tampered mail..then there are the relay boxes that are filled with garbage, used condoms, sometimes live animals..Trips slips n falls...

On Thursday this week,  I did 5k, on Friday another 5k on Monday 15k with 8000 stairs. They say 35lbs is the satchel, try 55-60lbs,  its recorded on my Fitbit- I did not think I was capable of even doing that, I lost 4lbs.

Meanwhile everyone is having babies, travelling, spending time with their partner, moving into new dwellings and planning the festive season. I seem to be shut off..even in my own new relationship.

The relationship has been taxing I'm sure with my mood swings and upheaval, and lack of availability. However, I have to say I am quite impressed on the support from someone who has only known me 5 months I have received more support than any other relationship. The mental support for sure.

I had coffee with a very long term friend, and he said "I don't think you will never go anywhere"
This affected me for days on end. I decided to try for a international women s day with homes for humanity, I had to raise 1900, and come up with my own flight as well. I received, one donation.
I received zero donations from friends or family-

My son put a quote on facebook, You will end up really disappointed if you think people will do the same for you, not everyone has the same heart as you.

He is absolutely right, there comes a point when you realize the only person who can create your destiny is you. You and only you. I have served people my entire life, some people disagree, in fact some people find me quite selfish.  I have been selfish for two years trying to piece my life together and quite frankly I just don't have much to give anymore. Over the years with trials and turbulence's in the end the person that came threw for me, was myself.

I am back at the Vancouver School Board tomorrow and I couldn't be more over joyed! I will wear nice cloths put makeup on and have a much relaxed day. In short this is where \i've been and I think it is where I am supposed to be.

Gvix Signing off

Oct 3, 2014

The Boyfriend

So what does it mean to have a boyfriend? Does it mean you have someone to go to dinner with, open doors, cuddle with? Someone you are intimate with ?have fun with and do things with?
Candlelight dinners, surprises, sneaking off to his place finding surprises there? maybe a short trip?
Dancing, venues events, meeting his friends your friends and family? Planning things you want to do together, receiving help in life or home?Talking on the phone for hours, telling long hold tales of your day, and having that instinctive interest to share n provide?

You would think these are all the things a boyfriend provides you with and via versa. In Vancouver this is not what I have found. I have found disagreeableness and intimate conversations only relayed in text messages. A communication blockage on all levels.

Most couples don't have their shit together, or one might but the other does not.It is the same as taking that step in a open coffee house to smile at a pretty girl and ask for her number, or send a cookie to her order-it just does not happen.

Life brings stress, working to live brings overload and dating is a expendable procedure for short lived experiences, until one day you realize you are alone. The quote, if you never settle you'll never find what you are looking for. Hmm this brings thought now doesn't it?

There are good men and hardworking men and bad men and cheating men and then there are men who are stuck in a life cycle that is conditioned. My motto is, Accept all, expect nothing and you will never be disappointed. I will not ever use that quote again unless it applies to goals. Because I do expect and I do except more than most and what I find is all of this I expect nothing more than what I am. They say, gee at 45 your pickings are slim..If I continue to date men in Vancouver that is a possibility.

I have recently been dating my partner for 5 months now, and I have to say he is an exception from the rest, however we have our daily challenges much less than most- still I feel like I am on my own path to learning, and he is not really following- We have discussed this and the communication is poor, another condition that social media has given to the population to be allow to hide from your fears and rejections in the form of text messages.

I have discussed this topic on several occasions and feel a need to close my social media down again for a short stint, I have also decided that unless work related or a meeting, I will no longer have discussions over text messages. I am the worst texter ever and quite often I am mis read or have major spelling issues due to vision.

I would like to say I am a high achiever. I work several careers currently and run my own company on a small scale to move with freedom and flexibility, the work is hard to juggle between all, but when that debt load is indeed paid, I will be able to say, I can take time off- with no regrets. Time off for me is still doing, still achieving- time off for me would be to go to a foreign place and write- work with families and other global areas of the world, experience culture. Lying on a beach on occasion is nice too. Wide Mouth Smile said to me recently, ( this is my X finance) I don't think you will ever leave the country. Well I have, just not to the places that hold meaning to me now. I was quite upset by this comment, because right now this is how I feel. However after I noticed his new tattoo, that said THOR,( Probably to subconsciously compensate for his insecurities) and his ideas of his dream to build a sports car, have a moter home and have his in laws move into a house on his property- I thought, WOW, glad that ended. I did value the visit and valued one thing he said, witch was, we will hate each other, but we will always talk.

He was indeed a grand provider, hard worker and did the best he could for my children, the one thing I do value more than anything, is his hard work- I regret I was not how I am now as I was in our past as far as drive and change.

It is important in relationships to have a keen interest in ones  projects, this takes a load off and and shows you care about each others interests to help build on those dreams. It is a seamless friendship and partnership, I find most of these relationships in women. No, I am not going gay, however I give honor to our culture and partnerships of the same sex, most in Vancouver are dual high achievers. Unlike the vast majority of the rest. Women in their 40's require I find stimulation and communication, or else your just like the rest, the lust dies off and then you are faced with boredom.

A good friend of mine, recently spoke to a man she was excited about on POF, first off he was a dentist and she is a dental assistant. Perfect match right? after a few chats she pulled something that I always do, googled his name. What she got was a headline with his name attached

Dentist facing charges over washroom video cam

I read several articles on the man, and it is a harmless case- however he still was preforming a disgusting illegal act, which he plead guilty to.He stated it was surveillance due to thought of theft, however the camera was placed in a area that would portray more in the terms of voyeurism.  Would you meet a man that had a title like that? He told my friend he was not like that anymore and wanted to meet her to explain.
You just never know, do your research women.

I am so frustrated with the quality of relationships, Id frankly just rather be alone, however I don't want to be alone forever. So what are the deal breakers? I'd like some comments. I'd like your opinion on what the deal breakers in your mind are. If we have to settle on some things, what do you think they should be? 

So leave a comment a tale or two
GVix Signing off with a glass of Vino

Sep 10, 2014

Letter 850

Letter 850

Dear Father,

I hope you are well up there and enjoying your time with Papa and Nana. It has been some time,
and even though 365 letters is incomplete, I need to write this evening. I will be saying some rather harsh words to your daughters this evening, and this does not come easy.

After the funeral, unfortunately you wish did not come to fruition. In fact the family had moved farther apart. I needed much clarity on the dealings of your estate and your belongings and thus in trying to receive information, that I was cast out.

I decided after much hurt, the pain of dealing with it all was better left on someone else s doorstep.
So I started to live my life for me. I kept in contact with the people I felt warranted my presence but with a minimal effort.

There are no benefits to me and my health in  sustaining something that I have absolutely no control over. As I started to really involve myself in the book of insanity and the 365 letters of communication to you, to heal my regret of not being more involved in your life and filling you in on a daily basis, I took this to another level and shared a sample chapter with some professionals, publicists, lawyers, a doctor and a psychologist. I am happy to say all loved the sample chapter and have supported me to continue-As this is a important book for the healing process.

The book itself dad, is difficult to write- and thus is taking much longer than anticipated.
I have small breakdowns , re-reading it.

That is the latest update for now. I wanted to write this evening about your wife. She is not well.
As you probably know, mom did not take your passing very well and has deteriorated since. The funeral itself felt foreign to her, the connect to family was lost.

I know she called you once a week to see how you were doing and to tell you she loved you.
I don't know how to describe the anger I feel at this moment, for what my mother has gone threw.

I do know this, I don't think any family member, or senior that belongs to a family should have to feel so isolated, alone, depressed and upset on a daily basis to the point of not eating and over-medicating to just let the day pass by. Mother said to me, I just sleep and let the day pass, unless I have to take little Buddha out.

Every time mom talks to one of the girls afar, or even me sometimes her health deteriorates,  seems to be getting worse. I do the best I can with getting her to her grandchild every two weeks and trying to see her twice a month- I am working to re-establish my life so this is hard. I may try to have her stay here a few days a week.

I ask my sisters now,..All 3

So you have the funeral planned do you? You have all mothers affairs in order? This seems to be what you are all waiting for, listening on the telephone to moms depression, seeing her once a year in a stat of sickness than calling her a addict- when you all have no involvement.

This was my conversation today, moms funeral. Feeling completely unwanted and loved and half texting broken English.

You cant even allow her to come stay in your home to spend real time with her grandchildren-stating, "we don't get along, sorry."
Dictating on the phone or at the yearly meeting what she should do and how she should live her life and how she should act- When again, you all have almost no involvement, except the phone. Have you even been to her home, had a dinner? let her lead you to her community? What a fucking joke.
Even my kids respect a elder more than you, and they had their fair share of the wrath of grandma.
But there is one thing my kids get, that you don't, their grandma is old and sick.

Mother has been independent most of her life and serves the communities of persons served.
Mother has been a provider and homemaker all of her life- with employment, a artist with two degrees as well, took her courage and did outstanding comedy all threw Vancouver- where the fuck were you all?

 I ask my sisters, why do you dictate without taking part and trying to enjoy something of your mother? Put your own fucking selfish behavior aside on how much she irritates you and try to find the mother that raised you, loved you and dealt with a drunk her entire life ( sorry Dad, I know it was a addiction-and you were a nice drunk) Nice or not, providing or not, Father was a alcoholic.

Then there is the middle child...telling her mother she will never speak to me-
You will never have the chance to my dear-
You will go on through life, and I shall go on with mine.
I will always know you are a piece of me and I will continue to know how well you do in life.
I have no ill thoughts of you, I love your child and your husband, I feel sadness for you-

Mental Health is a funny thing, and guess what? Its hereditary, You may want to do some research in the near future from your own mental breakdown from you own self destruction. You have no clue what mom has, her mental health state, and you think shes going to tell any of her daughters the realm of it? Especially the ones that are not even there! In her mind she will die in her little apartment with no one. I will be the one who gets the call, that is a reality and maybe not to far along here if things do not improve.

How do you feel knowing that is how she feels?

My mother seems to never say the right thing- It is like the circuit in cognitive redirection broken. I have learned to curve this, most times at best. My mothers comments can be sharp and hurtful-
a non response is always best. It is almost like there is a unknown rage and she makes these comments looking for a fight. There is a way to deal with them, unfortunately two of my sisters never did grasp that. Or think that maybe we should have a family meeting and discuss it- This simply does not happen. Nothing gets discussed, talked about or dealt with live.

Its all on a phone call, talk , talk talk till its all a bunch of bullshit and wasted energy and crap, and then everyone goes back to their families and its forgotten, until the next time. Then its talk talk talk some more...
I just remove myself and ....." Sorry I have a Mountain to climb, and a life to live"

I would like to ask, how does this serve you? To break a heart that has been broken over and over again? Your all buying your houses and restaurants and running your company's, and you can't even have your mother stay with you to visit? I know for a fact my children would pay for me to come spend time with them and see the grand kids, Makes me sick to my stomach.

If you received a call from a relative that said, they wanted to give you something, and they are 70yrs old, do you say "no I don't want it" that is like refusing a gift from a foreign country when the gift is a welcoming gift. The response should always be, I would love anything from you, because you want me to have it and this means something to you. This left mom thinking you want nothing of hers-

I will not fix this mess, I will not be the one who does that- I know who will try, it will be 2nd, eldest - and frankly I think shes been threw enough with this shit as well- this letter still applies,
however I do know you have been battling with this for sometime,

How do I sit with this ? I will look after my mom, enjoy my time with her. Its what dad wanted, he wanted to know she was OK- he wanted her looked after when she got sick. dad knew she would be sick.

That's all I have to say right now- 2 years, 4 months...since you left us
Mom misses you...

Ist Daughter

Aug 12, 2014

The Jennie Is Free

Robin Williams

You were and are loved my many threw your laughter, kindness in community and spirit.
My heart goes out to your family and closest friends.
Laura Gold

The title of my blog was a very heartwarming tweet today, on the news of the death of Robin Williams. 

I grew up with Robin in my home all my life and always wanted to meet him.

It was a cold winter in Vancouver,  I think around 2006, the stores downtown were open very late, maybe 24 hrs.

I was working as a manager for Biotherm in cosmetics and also relief for the floor manager, we received a call- a odd call that Robin Williams would like to have a personal shopper for the evening and would be arriving at 11pm.

The Robin I saw was almost unrecognizable, and looked something like the picture below.

However his cloths were casual. Robin came in slightly disheveled and I met him at the door.
quiet and shy at first nothing much was said, he looked stressed. I asked what he had in mind, he said he didn't even know his own family anymore and to just pick anything. Once on the top level Robin seemed to lighten up and ran for the tools and toys and i started to see the beloved actor I knew and adored. i talked about working in film and some gigs I had done, He turned into father mode and said I could do anything I wanted, but if I was smart Id stay completely away from the industry.

I at one point asked if he had amount he would like to spend, or budget, he laughed and said, when your dead your dead, none of this shit matters. He had a quirky funny side but also seemed a little dark that night, looking back on it now.

Depression, the Silent Killer, as many put it. .I've had my fare share and can say I am a expert in it. My mother has depression, my father had depression, my son was recently diagnosed and at one point had situational depression. All different forms, shapes and sizes.

I had this silent killer running so rapid in my family I took a few courses on it. The silent before the storm..most times at the ultimate high peak of ones time, is the time you have to watch most I find.
The lows are clear, its like a horrible hangover that wont go away, but the high part of depression is when the person is the most daring to take there own life.

I can honestly say I cried today, this man brought so much joy to my childhood, teens and finally in my adult years , even if it was only for two hours.

I have met many stars in my time, this one was very special and I had hoped to have a beer with him at some point. The world will not forget this one for sometime I am sure.
the last scene robin says, i wont forget you guys..well Robin we will not forget you.

The best scene ever in Mrs Doughtfire!

Robin If you are up there, have a beer with my dad would ya...

A glass of wine is fitting for this time, here's to you my friend..until a later time.

Giv Signing off on this sad day..

Aug 10, 2014

The Breaking Of So Great A Thing, Should Make A Greater Crack, William Shakespeare

A well minded senior citizen shit her pants today,  the poop was completely up her white polyester pants,  the senior, panting and crying, struggling with her walker to rush into a washroom outside of Target US today. I was in the stall next.

I was with two long term friends, and I heard my one friends voice crack, as she said " are you ok? Please let me help you", I quickly came out of the stall to talk to the women and told her I worked in residential care. I asked if she minded if I cleaned her up a bit.

 "Shirley said, Please help me" The janitor was keen to give me some gloves, and I was able to quickly  undress and clean up miss Shirley and wash her soiled cloths with Shirley's Diva 70 something year old friend, with only one eye, was standing by telling us just a few things.

 Ms Shirley recently had a hip replacement and several other aliments, including cancer, Shirley had almost no control of her muscles left in her legs, or bowels for that matter and her grandchildren would be visiting this week, so they wanted to go out and get a few things.

She said she was the caregiver and ,just happened to have purchased panties and would bring the car round- this was Shirley's longest and dearest, best friend.

My other friend, quickly barged into the scene and said, I will purchase a nice skirt today. We struggled to get Ms Shirley back into her car, as she also tried to give us money-which we refused.

Sad and Scared of herself for being a burden, so she felt...Please Everyone, take a stand and help someone in need everyday! We were told we were three angels today, hugs were given and we left feeling...that possibly maybe more could be done.


There is the little old lady standing in the line, counting every penny, and you are pissed cause you don't have your Starbucks yet.

You quickly hurry into a grocery store to get something you forgot and neglect to see the man in the walker struggling to get the door.

You see a women in Target in white pants with a massive shit streak up the back of the seam, do you laugh? move farthest to the left because of a possible stench?

Sure as fuck you do, because most Vancouverites and our fellow Americans close by are to consumed with their cellphone, rushing to get there own shit done for the day, ..

It breaks my heart that I myself can only see my mother maybe once a month due to working overload to try and live in this overpriced consumed city.

I do know that I love Vancouver, this is my home- I am lucky to be here, I have done more with my life in the last few years I have ever done. Unfortunately money is freedom here. That is how we feel anyway. If you don't have money to rest take a break and "See" you are stressed to the hilt making ends meet.

I somehow, manage to see my surroundings most of times, especially the homeless the disadvantage and the disabled. If I did have time, I would do more awareness.

 Today I saw, heard and felt humility in another person. I was rushing to get to the boarder, when this incident happened, I let time pass...and at the boarder I waited in the heat for 1.5 hours. I did not care because...I felt good about helping someone else just a short time ago.

 Is this how we have been programmed? Recently I have been able to see a handful of lawyers due to some federal debt, and a bankruptcy discharge and also trying to get my EI claim open due to the school board strike. Most people don't know, I recently lost my car and had to struggle to buy a lemon, with shit mechanics and no air conditioning, let my pet suffer with no meds, clean out my freezer in food, and also get help from all sorts of neighbors and friends, and also that I have 5 dollars to my name for two weeks. I am not worried, there are worst people off, I will do fine and be OK, I always am.

I would walk out of that mall in underwear if I had to today so that little old lady would not be humiliated any longer, unfortunately, she would not have fit my pants. Its just who I am. I give help, I receive help.

One lawyer said, float. Just become as poor as you possibly can, you have a window of opportunity here to clean up the mess and take a break. I am so programmed to run the rat race and have the daily luxuries ...It is very hard to change some of the daily luxuries, and trust me sometimes I fuck up.
I am determined to just do it, to cut back on everything, this will be the year I have worked the hardest I am sure.

Have you ever thought of what would happen if the city was wiped out with a tornado? If you became homeless? Right now some of our "Stuff seems so mandatory" It really is not, and so I am giving a example.

Here is a list of daily luxuries a person does NOT need.

Cable, Internet, home phone:  $136 minimum a month- typically a run of the mill bundle package
Meat and cupboard snacks: $150 a month
Starbucks and other drinks from store:s $30 to $40 a month
Eating out, a bottle of wine: 12 to $15 a meal,$ 10 for wine- We will say once a month
A gym pass or yoga pass: $40 and$ 80
Store bought produce: $40 to 60 a month
A car, insurance and gas:- say you own the car, insurance is $100, gas average $150

This is a total of $780, crazy do we do it? This is not even shelter, food and heat- all the things we really do need.

you phone and Internet can all come from a cellphone in one, including movies so your average is 150 a month, or you can buy a 35 dollar pay as you go and be really frugal.

Meat, why not get lean and be a vegan for a bit?
you can buy a 680g can of coffee for 9.00, it lasts a month and if you make it right it tastes better than Starbucks.
eating out - well, that is a sacrifice that is hard when you say, its only once a month
gym and yoga you can do outside and in house
this year I did two garden boxes and have all my produce grown- except fruit- this project to start cost $180 for the year- that means it was 15 dollars a month.
ok no car, well bus is a option at 180 a month. I need a car for work unfortunately, so this is not a option.

So this is $354 a month- its still very high, you could bike like in Europe- but still very hard. No wonder many of us can't save or acquire a decent pension!

If we did all of this, we would all live longer. The last 4 months have made me think about many things. I recently had to go backwards in my career, and now I don't even know if my career is stable.
I am so worried, and wondering what my calling is, I do know what it is-but I don't have a solid plan.

My old career is residential care, I have also started back more hours with Trauma Scene, which I have always enjoyed. Seniors are dying off due to heat, poor health and poor care, they simply do not also have enough for a pension to get the help they need. Miss Shirley had her 70/80 year old best friend attempting to do the care for today, there was no way that this was possible. We saw that.

The actual condition of the seniors as well, made me think about my own health and how important it is to be very active in Yoga for flexibility and strength, to take my massive vitamins for my calcium and my diabetes, to eat raw whole foods. To do things in a primitive way again.

I put the picture up of the little old lady as a thug because its almost like our seniors need to be like this to get the attention they need. Most have to much pride to ask for real help, simple boils down to cost.
So while you are out buying the latest fad, maybe instead, donate, or drop a visit to your nearest senior facility. Just saying.

We learn from our Elders.

Peace Out
Gvix signing off....

Jun 26, 2014

I RefuZe to Settle

To me it's funny when I hear from a girlfriend, that they will not settle for less, then they deserve. Then to say, "I deserve the best, goddammit!" I did allot with my time during the 3 years I was single and entertained myself with women's groups, and actual university courses about achievement, physical training with mastership with coaching. One of the best coaches I had , was a trainer at Steve Nash- Married, and originally from the US, very fit.
His wife was 260 pounds! I said, "I am shocked at your wife being of a larger proportion"
He said, " She has everything and more that I could ask for in a wife, and we are working towards a amazing fit life together"

I only found this out, because he was planning the wedding, and as we trained we talked, boy did we talk. I had gone on a handful of dates, and during a core session decided to share the horrid tales of all the men I went on dates with. What I forgot however, is all the horrid details I had said about myself in the beginning of the training.

Several months later, he said," well I'm glad your getting out there Laura"," Let me ask you this,  If your debt gone? Is your stress balanced? Have you cut some of the workload yet? Are you happy with your body? Do you walk into a room with full confidence? Are you happy with your residence? your savings your career? Are you involved with full friendships and some sort of outlet ?
Hows your hygiene? teeth, spine, flexibility, feet? Have you completely quit smoking, do you have your retirement plan? Do you feel your kids are stable and you have paperwork in line for later?"

God he went on and on..I just wanted to kick his ass. But he made his point. It would take me 3 more years to feel I had some balance in all these areas, and some I am still working on.

The main ones: I was incredible insecure with my body and my feelings- I would sabotage relationships unknowingly because I did not feel I was worthy. wreak beach naked and a shrink- fixed this in 6 months, and a photographer.

Health was a mess, smoker, feet, teeth, physically I was under weight with zero muscle and no flexibility. I had not had a massage in years and my spin was out of whack- so I was constantly in pain. This caused me to not stand up straight with confidence. I joined kintec running group, yoga and dragon boating and went to all doctors appointments including stress therapy. 

Friendships and financial-my friendships I put time in and received instead of hermitizing myself off.
I cleaned up a large financial section at this time.

This took 3 years. 
My point is , you are only worthy of the list you make for yourself-

Look at all the things on the list:

Example of a typical women list of what they want in a man

good kisser
big cock
good family
animal lover
no baggage
will look after me

Are you athletic? are you rich? can you put 20 percent down on a home or your partners wedding band?
I thought not- if you are seeking anything you are not- I call you , sorry to say
a gold digger. And gold is extinct in Canada. That;s why we buy it used.

Some men know how to do it right, or they think they do.Dinner, flowers-the chemistry is amazing and then you fuck-and then guess what? its over.

A good man will do all that and wait, he will not only do that -he will massage you, look after you-worry about you, think about you while out, call you on a thing we call the telephone.He may be at a grocery store and think-I bet she would like cupcakes today, and he will get them and his grocery's and find a way to get them to you.

He will show up always with something, a card, a picked daisy, a bottle of wine- and he will wait.
He will offer to do things for you. These are the men who you think may not be the man for you because of status or appearance or wealth- but then you have something to work on together.

Or he has everything, and so do you.
It's a no brainier. I find that the men I over look are always the great men.
So, I choose not to do that anymore, and see what happens.

My standards of what I want are still very high- but not unreasonable.
I expect the same level of income as myself or a little bit higher.
I expect the same level of fitness and eating habits. I want to live a long time.

I want adventure, risk taker and travel, ownership and business..all in one- If your not a team player-Jump ship now.

Now onto a better topic..

Have you ever met the girlfriend of someone you were dating? Well you see, I don't date men that are married or taken, so when I found out my 4 month relationship was shared with another women, you can imagine my surprise. It was a list of similarities and full lies.

The women was quite charming and since I had gotten over the jerk, I was ok with hearing (well I held it as best I could) the explicit details and the same bullshit scenario's I went through with the bi polar man. The women was in a long unfulfilled marriage before she met, Mr Beach-boy63
So this was especially more difficult, and small children in the picture. Not the most secure women to be meeting sure a player of POF. 

This was the reason I wrote tonight, love your self or you have no love to give, learn from your mistakes and be brave, absolutely you deserve the best- but settle your heart for awhile and get strong first. That is my message. Enjoy just being, still your mind, enjoy your kids...and do things for you.
Don't let anyone love you less than you love yourself.
Gvix Signing off ..
Hugs to all

Jun 8, 2014

On Foot..Will Travel

Well it's been sometime since I've written here-
I have been busy working on a book, revamping and editing. I have also been busy working some other projects. One being, my Life.

It has taken some serious time to understand what I am supposed to do, what I am good at, my strengths. All this progress in understanding, has continued to happen through loss and removal.

It was a short time ago, I thought, I had yet again been challenged with life's hurtles, my ceiling caved in I had to move, my pet was ill, the bills were high..then this all settled for a bit.

A new wave came in April, Job action strike, this time both pets being sick, less and less work, till this all came to a head where I have no vehicle. The extra time on hands, had given me time to care for the pets, networking to find help in a assortment of areas, my company, my talents in art and publishing, possible school, new love, new friendships-fitness levels increased. I'm not going to sugarcoat anything, and quite frankly taking the bus is hell and has left me with a incredible early start of the day and a tiring one at the end.

Last week was a test of my skill, and I think I did pretty good. I have also been challenged with defining who I am, yet again. I remember some time ago, some relatives and a few in my friend circle criticized my blog and writing- Stating that my writing was crap, correcting spelling errors and judging on what I decide to tell the world. I have a continual stream of 150K readers, and although my advertisements don't leave me the income of riches, I do believe that numbers speak louder than slander.

It was in 2010 when I was studying with Vancouver Fraser Health, that I met a British Psychologist who I highly respected. He was taken aback by my enthusiasm in class. The doctor felt I had a real gift with persons that had challenges in life. As time went on and me and the doctor got to know each other, he felt I had the gift of a true writer with a different language to offer.

In my second year of English Literature, I remember re-writing a piece on Farley Mowett about 5 times, and each time the piece came back with corrections all over the essay. I said, "What am I doing wrong?"
The teacher said I think you have you may have a slight disability, I see you trying over and over and I am totally engaged in your piece of work, but you are missing the other elements to the work that has to be done here. I want to give you a A+ in creative writing.

It was then, that I accepted this criticism and have just moved forth with it. I also have realized that I have the gift to lift people up from hardship, and give solutions. This is why I am so strong, and give gratitude for what I do have. This week it was my turn to ask for solutions.

I could say I have made many mistake and if only I could turn back time and do things differently- but that would not help me create the future that is meant for me- everyone is unique and different in their own way-

My recent challenges have left me to deal with some very big exciting decisions-I was given this opportunity probably about 5 times in my life and did not see them as clearly as now. Some people never see them.
I know a handful of my friends who will just continue on a path of conformity, or total hypocrisy.

            Conformity: "Behavior in accordance with socially accepted conventions or standards."

This is just fine if this is who you are, however for me and a few of my friends, we may follow the rules and laws of conformity on a professional level, however the creative persona is also just as strong, and this leaves the person to be of a higher standard. There are only a select few of my friends who hold this talent quite effectively. 

Sometimes it is hard to take the realism of the world, and then sometimes you embrace it and the reality of what is important helps you decide, what is not.

I have always accepted my friendships and have viewed many of my friends list as people with different personalities, but their comes a time when things do not serve you well anymore.

For example, a continual stream of news-feeds that show brand name likes on Facebook, or the ever world of fakism in looks, appraisal and crap. I love fashion, it was my hopes to have my own line at one point and I was all about the fashion- more so local artists." I am sorry, but what contribution is Tiffany's or Mark Korrs making to the world?"

I recently had a comment from someone I care about very much, probably because I know who the real person is inside than most, at the time took it with a grain of salt- however lately I have been challenged by this person on who I am, what I post, and it has gotten under my skin a little. I am constantly being cut down on how I dress, or the way I wear my hair or no makeup- I do have insecurities however I also embrace who I am. 

These comments happen every time I meet up with my friend. Sometimes they are funny, this last time, I really took things to heart. We all control our own behaviors, I know this-but I just don't find it amusing or enjoyable anymore.

Sorry if my "lesbian shoes embarrass you in public, but they get me to where I need to go- stay grip on a sailboat or on a well beaten path and last 10 yrs longer than you knock off Gucci apparel, that quite frankly fucking kill my feet.  Then there is the word use also, what a disrespectful non supportive of gay rights slang of a word. I brushed it off, I love this person with all my heart and know that it was meant as a funny-
however I really don't find this funny anymore. Things like this have made me take a double look at who I want to surround my life with.

The positive note on my friend as she defines my worth and value I deserve in a partner of choice at the same time- I do value this.

Other News feeds: The continual posts of self healing- self help crap, when clearly you are doing nothing to contribute to the real cause of the world issues, or even know what is going on in the world in general. The people who post self help poster-boards, then show themselves partying or engaging in massive shopping sprees-They wonder why they need the self help logos, because they feel like shit afterword and by posting its some sort of gratification.

Am I judging right now? Maybe I am, I am just so sick of it. This is the reason I have closed my Facebook on several occasion, that and the continual game requests. The only service I can say Facebook does for me is keep me in the loop with family and friends, and network connections.

A friend reminded me of this saying below, because maybe this week I wasn't being so kind, maybe this week I was disgruntled a little...
And I said, As a joke.

Now I take them back, because I really do see the good in everyone.   For me however, if I was kind and happy all the time, that would be fake-I don't' want to kill anyone, just inner awareness and peace-However I also want to feel what I am feeling and speak about how I am feeling because I think to feel helps you deal.

I don't sit here and wallow in my shit, I move forward and this is why my program works-Its called taking accountability and the reality is, if I didn't experience things myself how would I teach it.

So back to the beginning, I lost a 800 dollar monthly bill that I have repeatably paid for 4 years. I am on edge that it takes me a hour to get to where I need to go by bus, when in a vehicle it takes me 10mins. So how do we fix this? We find a beater. We ask the universe for help, we call up friends and meet with them and get them to call people and so on and so on, We research leads..We do the same when the economy falls for job loss and lodgings-

Everyone is dealing with stresses in Vancouver it seems, and this week this was mine.
Last week was my first week on foot and I will be reporting shortly on my adventures. I have a new professional blog, with Word Press that is more geared around Travel Writing- This starts Locally. I am onto my second post, however due to being graded on it, its not ready. I will paste the link when done.

That about raps up my thoughts on this week.
GVix Signing off

Apr 28, 2014

30DC Day 5

Well thus far its not going too well, I did a 2 hour walk..whoopee, Lameo.

I registered for a Nutrition Coarse today, quite helpful in many areas, I mean I was great on my diet quizzes ..regularly..but not recently. Some fun facts I did not know were awesome.

I also realized today I left the house with a tight see threw top that showed a muffin top. The weigh in was a 138lbs, this may seem small to people struggling with weight. However for me it is a drastic change, I have worked very hard to keep the diabetes in check and keep very fit and healthy and maintain a size 6, at a weight of 126.5 is ideal for me. I am at least a size 8/10 currently.

My heart n head has been hurting lately- ever since the move to Delta..and a few other things.
I remember after Sushi had her poop walk n cuddles, I d head to HillCreast Community Rec Center and do my workout and then hit main streets salad bar, or a health drink, reminisce with people I just saw at the gym, and sometimes walk home because it was so nice. Here in Delta, its like a continuing re-run of a show called "The Walmart Series"

I love the peace, my neighbourhood and the actual place, just feeling real low n bored. No discounts at the Delta Rec- Sun God, this facility is very nice and a whopping 60 bucks a month after taxes. Includes no extras. K, now I am just bitching.

Daily confession for today- I ate junk all weekend and almost passed out in a store because my sugar was too high. Indulged in alcohol 3 times this weekend (small amounts)

Well, a walk is a walk..You know whats even more funny?

I have the 5 disk workout CD playing on the TV, and I am watching it. LOL. On the couch.

I am so tired,  for me tired is a sign of stress and poor diet.

I had Starbucks scone and Tim Horton's  today :(

However when I got home I made a massive salad and Quinta /broccoli...and  well fuck it,  a huge juicy steak. I only ate a 4th of it though.

GVix Signing off as she packs her gym bag for the am.

Apr 25, 2014

30DC- 01 to 04

Day 1 Eve

  • Made massive lunch( I do have to pack some Turkey there is just to much)
  • Packet energy veggies, juice, vitamins
  • Packed Gym/Runners Bag for UBC Gym n Track at 630 am
  • 1 hour of LITS Done( Leave it tomorrow shit)
  • Bedtime program:
  • 20mins of stretch Yoga
  • 15 min meditation
  • 10 breaths n 8oz of H20
  • Actual Bedtime 1030PM

Here we go!

I made it!! I got up at 530 and was at UBC by 630 sharp, ran around the track on Ross Drive, school security man let me into the brand new gym by 730 and I did a massive workout. feeling great!
Followed food plan till 3pm, and then I was very sleepy- got home and felt so tired I wanted to die. Had a two hour nap-FUCK

Didn't sleep well all night. :(

Well the only thing stinky was me...:(
cause it was Shark Day...
Probably the worse period of my life..
no getting up at 5am, I slept till 7am... My friend decided that evening, that this was a good time to do taxes, however I had to get a massive folder ready for a important interview by the morning..I realized I forgot to fill out one of the massive documents..we were at it till 1am, with little achievement in the taxes due to printer mishap, CD mis-load and too many years of unfilled taxes. 
I could barely move all day...This lasted till  Wednesday, Day 3...
The food plan also went down the drain....On Wednesday I was late for everything, I made it to the interview that was two hours long and incredibly challenging, don't even know how I did. bleeding like a stuck pig, went home and slept 2 hours..FART..
I got up and went for a very long walk with Fat Sushi (the pug) and that was the high light of my exercise for that day. 

Sitting at my desk looking at one of my grandsons massive solid chocolate Bunny's, a 30 minutes later I was off to Winners...feeling sick in fact I almost passed out. I sluggishly made it to the car and sat for a bit. I realized I had forgotten to eat dinner...because ...
I ate the entire bunny. and was now having a diabetic attack.

I went back home and quickly wolfed down a Greek Salad, two helpings and a large glass of apple juice.

Today I was back on track..I did not get up at 5am, as I was pretty run down by Shark day,
I did do some lean soup (unfortunately with some turkey :0 ) I made a whole bunch of food that is required for type 2 diabetes, I made it to work at 7 and managed to do a 30 min walk, got home did a 2 hour walk in the evening, lots of stretches today to have a good fresh start for tomorrow.

Shit happens, Shark Days happen.
Its all fine
Gvix Signing off

Apr 21, 2014

My 30 Day Challange..Cause Everyone has one Right?

Start Date: April 23
Yup after Easter Turkey-by the way this is not edited yet- so screw off.

No Meat, Fitness 7 Days A Week
2 Daily Wellness Practices Per Day
One Juice per day
2 hrs of LITS A Night

I Love this question, don't you?Not.
This was the 30 day blogging challenge by The Single Women .Net

Lets get right down to it, shall we. Men are Stupid in Vancouver. There I said it, and sometimes Women are stupid too. I am not doing a blogging challenge- lets just be clear. I decided to just make myself accountable for 30 days no matter how tired or sore I was. Id say I have a nice little muffin top, I have gone up a jean size- however I look better with weight on, it just needs to be toned and honestly- I had some issues this last month.

I sat up from a low chair and my lower back went out, prior to that my shoulder and arm is screwed up-
Doc said my whole shoulder and arms were out of whack, and of coarse suggested Physio-
last time I went it, did nothing, I take the pills stretch it out myself and its fine for a bit- but its not fine, nothings fine- I have zero flexibility- So its time to just do this intensely for 30 days and who knows maybe Ill get used it it, with lots of stretching.

 Summer is right around the corner and I am feeling quite toxic. If you are going to decide not to be single, summer is the best time to feel great, do amazing things and get your ass outside. 

So I am challenging myself to cut out the meat, except fish. I will do some form of exercise 7 days a week
I have a few great books, and Id like to do some practices in them, meditation, longevity exercises.
The I have personal business I've left, I call this , LITS-Leave it tomorrow shit. I was going to start a daily adventure thing, on Facebook, but its kinda unrealistic, and honestly, no one follows shit on FB.

Its 30 days to clean out my colon, have a healthy heart and feel better. That way, when I put the steak on the BBQ, and all the other goodies, it probably will taste way better!

Day 0 April 22

Well, after feeling quite blue in the start of my Easter Weekend and everyone running off to family functions and 4 friends ditching me, I had the enjoyment of cleaning out my mothers bedroom, 682 stretch nylon tummy tuckers panties from 1975, later, and 10 garbage bags of designer clothing in sizes 1x, 2x..we made progress and I feel like I did a good deed. Going threw my mothers things was like I was in a stand up comedy show and now I see how where some of her character lives in me, as I going threw the items, a nice black dildo appears, my mother, "of gosh I wonder where that came from?"- , not that I have black dildos anywhere in my house, horrified, I couldn't stop laughing..but it didn't stop there, my mother had a nice collection of what I call the 3rd drawer in, the tickle trunk. Not surprised, I mean everyone is entitled to their sexuality after being single 10 years, its kind of a right, and at least my mother is among the living. OK I am just making mature excuses..OMG! For Realz!!! who the helll sees their mothers sex toys??? for the love of god!! I did.:(

I was invited to kind of a celeb home out of town, can't say who it is, but it was what every girl needs and wants in life. A large loud Italian family. With all the men watching the game and challenging themselves on cooking tips, I was impressed the male host actually did a deep fried turkey and a oven roasted Turkey with one hand, and blindfolded, and he had to take care of the kids, no really there was a slue of little girls, I call them princesses all under the age of 7 running around in frilly dresses, with one little boy age 3 in a suit-how cute! There were at least 30 to 50 relatives, and all loving, I felt like I was at home. The area is hidden, mansions in the mountains, you can hear frogs at night, the stars were out..and the front patio of the house had sitting chairs for a warm night. I couldn't ask for a better Easter. The only thing missing was that someone special to hold me from behind on the front sloop and look up at the stars. All the beautiful wives were pregnant with the exception of only a few.

I stupidly bought earlier in the week a massive turkey for drop drop ins. I decided to start cooking it today, make some turkey pies tomorrow a stew and freeze the meat, and gorge myself of a far amount of it. As Tuesday is the start of my 30 day Challenge, and the day of my massive interview in hopes to start a new page.

I have a few thoughts on this..maybe its time to reconnect with some roots. Have a good income and save my ass off for a home. The problem is, I'm in love with someone here, at least I think I am.
Well... you can't have a life with no future right? I just moved as well. I am not sure how to approach this situation, as I have a very good feeling about the career...Do I put stuff in storage for now and coach surf over there? Its a major relocation with a minimum of two years. Maybe less if I win the lotto. do I just move it all- or later..what do I take? I guess seeing if it all happens is the beginning..or the confused right now.

This is another reason I need to kick my shit in gear, I will be training here I'm sure, if I acquire the position.
But only for for a short time. I dont need to think anymore just do.

Gvix Wishing you all A Wonderful Very Stupendous Happy Easter

Apr 4, 2014

You are not IT

That time when you chatted me up and asked for my number, and then decided that our entire form of communication would be text messages. You are not Him.

 After that meet-up we had, you failed to bring flowers and ask me on a real date and assumed I would hang out with you. You are not that It.

That time we went for the hike..and you assumed I was your buddy.

You feel you have the right to tell me your sexual thoughts and touch me, however you reside with someone, or pursue someone else, my dad always told me to make sure I was number one- You are not my first choice, because I was not yours.

 If I was pre-occupied or heart broken, or torn..that, that guy would wait..He would stay and be there for me, and wait. You would be that friend with all the humanitarian qualities.

You forgot to randomly call me and ask how my day was..because you thought of me in some random moment.

that surprise you did, ..oh that was me, not you.

In my mind all the ideas of romanticism are not you-They are ideas, and you cannot change a person with your silly ideas, every one's ideas or dreams have to be their own to be real.

A man can be a  boi, a boi can be a  man. A child is not a champion, nor is a man or a boi.
A champion is the one whose soul is linked to yours.

A champion views his mind as a temple, his body as power and his love as sacred. There are not many champions in Vancouver...I Find.

The reason you were here, was to cook dinner with me, to hold me and love me, to talk to me all night and not be bored, to hike the highest mountain, to sail the seven seas to see the wonders of the world, but most of all you are here because you want to be. it is to be and to share, you value my thoughts and my opinions so I am part of you. said I was a dreamer...and turned on the TV.

You are not it.

You are not it, because just not possible with you.
consumed with your hidden agenda and your cowardliness hidden behind the computer screen or cell phone, you lack confidence and much in have to ask for a kiss.

You are the new generation who moves from place to place in circles ,your own circle, because it comfortable and you never ever take a risk...because of that one time....that hurt you.

Relationships scare you, because you would actually have to give up something.

So you can stay in your rat race, and confined space and entertain the thought that you might just meet me...
but....You are probably not It.

A Simple Short..By me..GVixen :)

Feb 16, 2014


The process of Elimination can be building blocks for problem solving, One can do the leg work on there own, or the universe will work in there favor when asked, and next thing you know shit is happening, and your freaking out, but if you think hard on why and are aware...You may just learn something.

 My life for the last year has been a process of Elimination.  Some of my own doing and some events were the universe saying things need to change.

Family: Sometimes family can be stressful, hurtful and toxic- Sometimes you need to take a break. I did in October, this was my choice- I felt ongoing stress and also if people do not enrich your life and support you and enhance who you are- then why have them there to bring you down all the time.

Toxic Friendships- Everyone has them, the complainers that complain but never do anything about it, the constant boozers and pub goer's- I find it more interesting to go to events, walks other cities, book stores and secret finds of the city so you can have good conversation, good food, or simple doing things at home with your friends..this is where I'm at. I eliminated people who judged me. I eliminated people I could not counsel them anymore. The gross slander was a joke because I know who I am and I am pretty happy with that person- So Elimination. My Lifestyle has changed.

Work- Well I never thought work would get slow for me and I would be looking at other options..
I did open a company however and that was me being a go-getter - maybe work got slow for a reason?

For the last year I have slept with earplugs, I have called the police for noise issues, I have had loss of hot water and heat- I had planned to move, but did not have the money.
On Christmas Eve the ceiling fell out- if I waited 2 months, I'd be freezing, showering at a rec center and not be anywhere ahead in saving to move. I moved in 15 days, I had a months free rent and my deposit- it also meant I would have to finally go threw my massive storage of my house when the kids were small- well I have 22 empty bins:) Process of elimination.

My Pug got sick, we cut off the cancer, her tail and glands under her arms- we are ready now-
We are ready for a wonderful year, and then sushi will go to heaven with Tifa, that will be her saying-
Go See The World..

This year I eliminated cigarettes, booze and pork, red meat- I would say my booze level is down to two glasses a month sociably. Cigarettes have been over 6 months, I am happy to say- no patches either now.
red meat, I will have extra lean beef strips once a month- I just wanted to clear the colon if you know what I mean. I had a good routine at the gym from Nov to Jan- have to get back, have not had time.

I was also holding on to the past- I am only looking toward the future now, and I have been able to recognize old patterns I didn't see before. If I ofter my time with someone and it is not reciprocated, I am done.

I have several friendships where I rarely see them, but I know they are in my heart and if I offer time or they offer time, that time spend could be memorable the entire year.

I recently had someone say to me, I don't think about you at all. This was after I had cooked a nice meal, I was trying to rekindle them into my life.
I had thought about them every other day-  I realized its wasted time and energy. 

Tonight I went threw 22 bins of baggage, 22 bins of stuff I thought I needed.
I cried at some of the items, some of it was like Christmas, and some of it was the realization- it is only me.
right now it is only me..and just me is good.

Sometimes walking away, is a form of elimination...sometimes listening to someone, and not saying a thing allows a person to solve or process a situation, this will eliminate you from the process that they need to figure out themselves, the answers. Quite often, I will try to not speak on purpose, to allow that person to think about what they just said, or I will para phrase...this is a form of elimination, and problem solving at the same time.

I discussed some goal setting options about my business tonight, with my life coach and mentor, He said, " your very best thinking that is reflected in your bank account...want better results, might want to re-educate your thinking. This applies with anything, Don't think the worst of things, think what will come out positively.
I made it threw the move, who moves in 15 I did!..I started to think about what needed to change with this move- Much. 

My shit has sparkles now:0

Gvix signing off

Feb 14, 2014

The Dating Game

Remember that show from the 80's? Very fun and funny! Here's a old clip !

It was suggested on Facebook that I go to the event, can't really remember from who, I actually did not know what it was, but hit the link. I received a email with a question are that was quite randy, and request for photo. I was chosen as a contestant. I headed down to the awesome little pub!

To meet the two hosts and other contestants, there were two sets, 3 women and 3 men. The host immediately ordered us martinis and shots and was just awesome to be around! Jeremy and David who are in Media of sorts have really hit a niche for making this little pub a great place to be, several events happen, during the week and this new show will be a weekly event. Tons of prizes and the date night paid in full from the club.

I had a blast sitting with the two other women and the 3 male contestants, we had a gorgeous 20 something shopaholic that follows the Kardashians    like a bible, another mid 20 something single mom with a high profile career and me, "The older Women" I am pretty certain that these hosts were smart and read up on my comedic reviews and brought me on to the blog the event and have fun with it! I so did, the recording my friends did of me on there is horrible- why cant i just look like a movie star dammit!! loll
I met the bachelor after all was said and done,my pose was early motioning me that he was a dud and not my type whatsoever!
He was a late 20 something Italian, athlete from Iron man, health nutritionist and when I asked for his photo
he sounded quite arrogant and frankly not very intelligent. I told him his picture would be international, and he put on a cheesy smile. 
I am sure him and the winner will have fun with the prizes, classes on how to give good head, massage, dinner out- great fun!

Here is my horrible video!
I look horrible! lol

I highly recommend The Corduroy Lounge for any night of the week for fun and great staff, good food and amazing entertainment!

Thanks Corduroy Lounge for having me join the fun!

Signing off Gvix 

Feb 1, 2014

Colors & Textiles

You ever have those dreams where its so real you can taste it, It never happened, but you wake up feeling like it did? It's like juicy kisses that last so long and you can't get enough..I remember

Colors of a painting that are vibrant and just enter the canvas and next thing you know its something great...a simple day dream of being somewhere else, or just enjoying where you are. I have felt this lately. On a trail, snowy and whimsical at night, the snow glistens and looks feel like you are in a graphic artist movie because you cant believe how magical it all is, the cool air catches in your breath and you can feel a numb tingle to your cheeks. The snow on the trees make everything look like ice caves as you climb higher.
Once I enter the warm cabin of cypress mountain, and order my coco..there is a hub and a vibe that is so magical you wish you could just go to your cabin, and have a hot tub and be with someone special for the night.

.... Or the hot sand in your toes, you may only be at wreak beach, or white rock, with all the locals but the day is so hot you can envision some tropical island with delicious food and drinks..fresh mango on sticks...meeting foreign people that are happy and poor but seem so incredibly rich to you because they are here and you are not.

Being on the water , feeling the sun, and as you gently put your fingers in the cool water it feels like you want to dive in even thou it is cold,  later you touch your lips and taste salt. all you hear is the wind and the gently lap of ocean you look out..everything seems possible.

Gently putting your paddle into the water and hearing the gently up and down as your paddle enters..and your team member says...Hoe...Hum...The rhythm of a team on gentle water is like....Om

The feeling of soft skin at night...the coolness of your foot hanging off the bed..this is a moment of awesomeness, as such, just as the writer wrote that amazing book, I feel it now.

Change can be incredible. My little place of 4 years, brought me a sustainable garden every year that gave me produce, gave me closeness to rich culture off of main street, interesting musicians and venues.
work was easy ..the fast paced city gave me reason to write in all night cafes with delicious pastry's or art to gaze upon. But in reality- I felt just alone here as I would anywhere.

The noise above left earplugs as my mentor at night, I had the constant reason of why I could not feel a cool breeze through my window at night..the sirens, the city rats..

I will spend countless hours creating a home in my new space..the quiet will leave me ready to paint and write.. I see textures and colors when I think about my new space and who will come visit me in it, friends to watch movies, friends to cook..or most times I will just enjoy the quiet. The convenience will allow me to leave my companion ( Sushi & Martain) with the resident upstairs..I may actually travel. The office will give me room to actually grow a business and I see a tornado of ideas. I do know my goals and budget will have to be different, and I am OK with that. each box I re-open that I have packed will be split in two- this will stay and this will go...
and slowly I will have released myself from excess baggage.

I think in colors and textiles and quite often a song or a painting will effect me..and later it will have a feeling of memory. This is very much the same with people..I once took a picture of a black and white photo...of two body's after sex..the only thing in the photo was a tattoo, and a naked breast- the side shape of two bodies that had just made love, some glisten that showed passion...This is not a picture so much anymore , but a feeling.
the only thing with color was the tattoo, everything else had been changed to black and was a feeling of what this meant.

I have had many thoughts of how I view things recently with much self examination...
what makes me feel this way and is almost a self study.
Recently between all my moving stress..someone close to me had a life changing experience..
I felt pain immediately. I realized that all my stress was completely worry was all gone, my love and compassion was completely for this person at this moment and all I wanted to do was fix it.
This is how I work....I really don't know why I work this way...but I do.

GVix signing off
Thinking in blocks of color...