Feb 8, 2013

Spring is in Vancouver

Today we reached 11 degrees In Vancouver, a bright sunny day. I ignored my workload, walked my dog on a long walk.. I thought allot. I then met a friend at Chai (East meets West) on Main street. Sultry Persian music played, babies with rosy cheeks, girlfriends chatting over tea, the smell of cinnamon..

As I listen to the life experience's of my friend, I felt I was missing a huge part in my life..Travel. This meet helped me re-focus and re invent my mission, no matter what.

I was feeling quite lost the last few months, My mum getting older, my little companion and thinking about what I would do if I lost her now. Sushi my fat butterball pug.

Finance..it seems like a hopeless thought. But really its not.  My friend just picked up and left, 3 years teaching diving in Maui at 21 years of age. Thailand long term treks..and when she was all said and done, she settled her goals on her own space..and re-building walls, revamping a vintage home and still manages to do fitness.

She has a smile on her face...it is like nothing can break her.

So even thou my friend has not been through what I have experienced, she had her own battles to face in life.  My battles seem way larger, and I am sure hers did too..but if you ask the universe I have learned, you do receive.

I came home and reviewed facebook to find everyone was on a new renewed state...raw food diet, kicking a 20 year smoking habit, no alcohol for a month...

Last night as I was getting ready for cocktails I was shocked to see my muffin top , and decided, to just put on a vest over my tank top to suck it in, I was more shocked to see the muffin top just hung out the sides of the vest and this outfit looked ridiculous.

I look like a healthy skinny attractive women, I am 5'2 I weigh 135..my weight is supposed to be 125. Therefore I have gained 10 pounds, this would be ok if it was muscle. I have never worried about my weight, I always had a high metabolism and for years tried to gain weight, even bought the mass up protein yuck shake. However when I got sick and my weight went to a 165lbs. I found out for me, a person with type 2 diabetes, this is a death sentence. I went to counselling and programs sponsored by Shoppers Drug mart and learned to manage my diabetes with food and exercise.

I can only resort to the main cause of my 10 pound weight gain..depression.
I can read my lows like a hawk..two weeks of dishes, piled dirty laundry.
After I came back from the little trip then went skiing..and felt wonderful..I really could not get out of bed.
I think the weight of life ..just made me think for awhile..India..China will never happen, so fuck it.

After I felt great in the snowy hills of Cypress Mountain, I said to myself.. this is not me..lets fucking fix it.
So I slept..and slept..I was planning on calling a few people to get together to discuss brain storming, when I got the call from my friend. I think just listening to someone else besides the worry in my head felt better.

The 270 letter, set me back...why did I open those emails. The  comment from my friend I miss so much..
and remembering the anger I had...as she does now.. really shook me up today.

I also noticed as I was getting ready last night, as I lifted my arms a bit of a swagger..

WTF is going on here?
The sure signs were a giveaway with my toxic ass on the weekend from eating food I am not used to and I probably fucked my liver for life, killed my lungs for another decade.

So I can relate with all the status updates, I really left my goals for the last month that is for sure.
I had to go for my yearly physical today, doc said, you look like your, not so gaunt, and your TB test is actually 3 yrs past, so I'm going to give you a new one, and the injections for India we should do today.

Last time I saw Dr Kim, I was riddled with stress..I was doing the hyperventilate crying thing.

I was like, really?

Dr Kim said, "You are going aren't you?" I said, "I don't know now". Dr Kim, is a beautiful female doctor, however she can be ..blunt when needed. I told her about my cleanse and the exploding ass. Then, I got the talking to.

Laura I said to stick to the diabetic diet and vitamins I prescribed nothing else, you want to detox you have to drink the water, do the yoga. take off the cloths. (This is with her accent)

Yes you cannot go to India actually, like this. You have lost muscle mass, extremely dehydrated and you need to be in top physical condition, are you not doing the exercise for the last month here?

I will give you the shots, but you should make a decision here. you do it or you do not. I test the sugar now.
I said no, "you do not want me to, because you know it is low"

It was , 345 and I had not even had breakfast yet, I stuffed my face so much over the weekend, I lost my appetite actually.

We won't talk about that, but for a 1 hour appointment, it was two hours. I had to stay..have a bunch of injections and then wait till my levels were at 4.

So I went home and cooked a head of cabbage with shrimp , spinach, lemon garlic and broccoli .
and farted the entire evening.

yup that's the shit I have to eat. its good n all..it just sucks sometimes. That's the hard truth right there, at least I cleared the physical..most of it, she refused to sign two forms till tests come back.

My friend, is probably the only person who knows exactly how I am feeling about my sex life and people that come into it , or may be a possibility.

So she asked of coarse..women do that. I told her my thoughts, I have absolutely no sex drive.
I met two males who floated my boat, one..met someone, the other is ending up like a fucking Guru.

My friend asked if I called the people I need to call and if I voiced baggage so to speak to clean my thought process. Hell no, Ive done nothing.

In the end she said what I didn't want to hear..but what I know is right.
You need to do these trips..because it is a goal and purpose you set yourself up for and if you don't do it you are failing yourself..again.

The people you want more closely in your life, want to see you achieve it..because they care more than you think. You will have a different take on things, those trips will change who you are.

Then you can move on with someone special to a different destination with a different perspective.

I am scared to death to go alone. Scared I wont have control.

"It's important to breath, and be calm" When diving, that is what it is all about" said my friend.

" I am not sure if you have ever known how to breath, Learn to breath. Once you do that, you will not have worry in your head,You will have a better sleep. You will be at peace."...once with Venice.

So I will take 10 breaths and a large glass of water.

Nite
GVixs Signing off

Feb 7, 2013

Chalet Edgar 49


What do you get will 11 women, A cabin on a mountain? Adventure!!

Mount Washington is a quaint, but very popular resort on the Island, 20 minutes outside of of Comox.

The girls were from Naninmo, Victoria, Duncan,, Nanoose, Kootneys and lastly my 2 women from Vancouver.

After two weeks of straight work for me and my girlfriend, this trip looked like it was finally going to happen. The other girlfriend met us at my house and couldn't be happier to get the fark outta dodge and leave her divorce proceedings.

Extremely exhausted and grouchy the three of us headed out to the ferry terminal. The driver of the trip, and my best friend was insistent on opening the wine on the ferry already.

I was like "no, you can just wait," " Just one glass she says" I insisted no, and good thing too because we had several things to pick up in Naninmo before heading out. Once in superstore I look over and her eyes were totally bloodshot.

On arrival two hours later, the games began, drinks were poured, snacks were brought out
The massive bag of games were brought out.."What" was the game, totally fun!

Discussions of streaking in the snow, sledding down the hill to the parking lot were all discussed.
The mix of women was completely diverse which made this event even more fun, and each women had their own talent, we had; a few chefs, masseuse, hairstylist,a few comedians, leaders, homemakers, and the beauty advisor.
I am the writer...lol

So I will supply most of the information on what happens at Chalet Edgar 49, which may even become larger one day ..who knows.

I do know for the first 24 hours , eggs and more eggs and alcohol should not be the on the menu ! Period.
I was called egg butt for the first 24 hrs and was actually quite sick from the food. The food was amazing , fluffy European waffles, with all the toppings, European cheeses, meats..tons of crazy dips.

Everything a person wants to eat on vacation- everything I can't eat, but wanted to brake the rules for this weekend. I paid the price, pretty sure day two my sugar level was escalated and I pleasantly had a few explosions in the bathroom.

Someone on the trip had that ducolax, which can be taken two weeks prior on any vacation.

Our coordinator of this trip is a very smart cookie, and I am not sure if she planned on who she should invite and the choices of personalities that came with the trip. I have to say she was absolutely brilliant.

We had a LLL, large lovely and lushish (same as a BBW) she was, lets say, very exploratory on things in the bedroom, which of coarse led to amazing conversation and education as well. When I walked in I saw LLL sitting on the couch, her smile lights up a room, her comedy should be on stage, and she has probably the nicest ass I have ever seen on a big beautiful women. LLL is a active BBW, a RN in fact and was top of first aid, which came in handy when I put my shoulder out and was given half a little yellow house pill, 10 Min's in the medication I was out like a light.

The day after my egg butt was gone, LLL would say in the most pleasant voice, I saved something for you-and I realized it was a silent but deadly sin to be sitting next to her on day two. Day three someone else had the toxic ass, but no one figured out who it was.

We had a very hot single lesbian on the trip, this can always be entertaining..unfortunately she didn't even hop any beds, huge disappointment I say. No obvious play for another female nothing...but she did point out her radar to me, " I got the raider, you've been with a women"

I said, yup and and I like penis. The coordinator said, "it's all just sex anyway" I love how the coordinator described what you do when you are faced with a poor lover " You fucking TAKE IT" you wrap your legs around his face and take that shit!" This was after quite a few drinks mind you.

We had two very strong accented women, Chek and Romanian, which makes it were fun during drunk conversations.

My favorite was when I was in pain and couldn't poop, and the Romanian said " I give suppository"
The coordinator said , "you keep talking like that, you may have to sleep outside."

We had two super mom introverts, and in their quiet behaviors they brought highly educated thought process on photo taking, computers, game playing, hobbies and activities.

My posy brought aesthetics to the table, beauty tips, hairdos, but most importantly we all wanted to adventure out into the snow.

The late night porch gigs breaks were the best, we had a full cabin next store of boys aged 20-28
at 3am one was pacing, doing the hold the knees vomit..we saw the keggers going in..
One peeing in full view, Nanoose girl yells " I can see it"
The poor lad probably thought we were a bunch of crazy cougars, and well maybe we were.

The coordinator gave us a itinerary of who was cooking each night, what night pub night was and a list of the snow adventures. The coordinator said specifically this is a de-tense weekend, and everyone does their own thing up until the games night evenings and so forth, so quite often you would see one girl asleep, one reading , two doing a massive new  Ravensburger Puzzle at the table ( we had two) knitting in front of the fire or just relaxing in conversation.

Their was the group tube night which consists of a short hike up the mountain from 7pm to 9pm.8 women at a time, link their tubes and go down the hill together. A group photo and a booze shot at the pub before games night back at the cabin.

Nordic and downhill skiing are also offered and if you are quick enough you can get the groupon deal.
I missed it :( In a small resort, a price to ski for the day is basically $150- unless you get the deal, So I chose snowshoe and tubing..and the funny thing was, when I did return home I was sent to Vancouver Cypress mountain for a full day of Nordic lessons and Downhill- For Free! Ask the universe and you shall receive.

With the hiking at Mount Washington, drinking..food and then 7 hours of skiing when I got home- I'm done.

Snowshoe and hike day is on the last day typically to get your nature photos in.
Sunday was Superbowl weekend, so everyone was prepared to make a feast and put the game on with lots of goodies and snacks....More Drinks..

The thing about bonding like this, is you get snow wrestling, humour , its like a bunch of girlie kids all over again. I have  7 new friends now-Its amazing!

Few things happened three ladies got called to duty(work) one had a family emergency.
You find yourself listening to tragic and heartbreak and sometimes this brings women closer.
One beautiful women with glowing skin, a fitness style about her, active mother-battled cancer
and only had one breast.

LLL was at the cabin with a major back injury, and basically could not move- but decided she needed her friends, the love and companionship and came-and it was perfect. She shared her now short lived career as a RN, betrayal and heartbreak over a man on the net-who indeed was a multiple identify.

A couple was reuniting their love for each other on the trip- after almost being in splits ville.

Tension was being mended with friendships among some of the women. This is what you need to do to fix everything, stick your battles in a locked cabin for a few days-and done!

As I went on this trip I could see a few leaders/Coordinators who defiantly would have liked to plan the trip much better, myself included.

Vancouver Vixens Page on Facebook, is what this is all about! Bringing a group of women together for expeditions, business and leadership skills, weather its facing your fear and doing survivor boot camp or mudder, or planning a get away, promoting your personal style or business. Unfortunately it is very hard to get going with my work schedule.

We played allot of dirty games, which kept the laughter rolling. I will never forget this trip!
I am waiting for a series of recipes from the trip which I will add to this post and also make a mini
recipe book. The photo album is not available to viewers, unless agreed by all parties.  LOL

I hope to receive comments from the girls involved will share a bit, add a recipe, comment.. Advice for other women planning a trip. Funny times that were not mentioned that I may have forgotten.

You just click on the comment and add, it will not show up till I review it-

Your names are:

The Driver
The Romanian
The writer (me)

The Chek
The Suzy Home maker

The Hot Gay Girlie
The Couple: Migs n Mag
The Coordinator
The Nanoose Girl

LLL

Another grand Adventure in GVixen's Life
Signing off
xox








Letter 270

6:00AM
Robot: "This is the Vancouver School Board , calling for ...Laura VanGenne, "We have a substitute position available, to hear the job description press 1"

Laura can't move, arms, core n legs are not available..delete.

7:00, 8:00, 9:00..."Your mailbox is full, This is the Vancouver School Board, Special instructions are: We have a substitute position available: Hi Laura, this is Denise, you will be covering for me today, please follow ESL instructions for AM class, at noon you will be with my autistic boy teaching life skills in soccer" We hope you can make it!"
10AM
"Hi this Karen from Simon Frazer, we need your behavioral services at ____________house this evening, please call to confirm."
11AM
"Hi Laura we have a shift available, for 3-11, please call to confirm-you are our last resort.
12:00
Hi Laura,
(Howe Sound), "We need 24hr shifts for this weekend, we realize you are not orientated but you come highly recommended in behaviors, please call so we can set up a meet for today and have you work the shifts, Kristy"

1230, my phone is on. Wow what a great sleep. I am happy I can create my own schedule, and today its mine.

It has been 7 months since I decided to shut out the pain and loss of my father and all the drama that brought with it. I was randomly looking for a work email and saw 33 unread email messages in what I call the family folder inbox, in outlook, received several months ago. I had to think a minute if I wanted to review the un read messages and bring back the pain in my heart that destroyed family tides.

The book 365 letters came to a dead halt, after the girl went temporarily insane and decided that focusing on loss and pain right now was not going to get her very far in life, and so she shut off the book to a dead halt, for a time, and is currently living life to the fullest.

OMG, I am in two new work ventures, became kindred with 11 new women, and I faced my fears and I finally tried skiing on a mountain, and I loved it.

The loss of my father, created other loss in several ways, it was a chain reaction with my family.

I decided to look at the emails, I got to five..and realized that reviewing the hatred and poor taste would only cause gut rot for the day. I realized in those five emails, I was never asked a question, I was "told" that this is how it would be, It was like a fucking stoning in ancient times.

I took a day off and am methodically healing my sore body from Skiing, cleaning house and listening to the very healing music Special K gave me several months ago. I also realize I have been single now for 9 months, I am ok with that, for now.

I spoke to the Italian last night briefly and he said, "I will not be your best friend until you see the world", "I want you to see the world, Simple as that" I know in my heart that this statement is much larger than what it is. It is not that he is not my best friend already..He knows I am not healed and in order to be all that I can be..I need to SEE. I must write..and finish what I started.

We have agreed on Europe in 2014/15..that's if we are both still in the rat race of finding .

After doing some small research and seeing my mother very ill for a night, I lost perspective. What if my dog dies while away, what if my mom gets really sick..what if ..what if..
China was put off...Like everything else I do in life. I shortened it to 3 months..India is supposed to be Spring Break..not going to happen, Spring Break is here and I need to work to create funds.

There is no time limit on life, life does not wait.

The rest of the emails I left un read. fuck that for another decade. I decided after Christmas that to have a full life and love my life and myself is a better place to be. Only I know what my dad said to me in that cold November in 2011..and keep that alive in my heart and let the rest be.
The incredible bullshit that was brought on can stay buried, and I can love the family that accepts it, but I cant change the way people act, I cant bring the people to me.

It is me that has to go on, with myself.  The people that join my side and are in my life now are what matters.
I also cant change how my son's are, yes I miss them and am incredibly lonely, I can only hope they love me as much as I love them and will make real time for me one day.

You get to a point in life, where you say..."Holy shit I'm 40" I could die suddenly, I could run in front of a bus, I could get sick and not bounce back as quickly..therefore..
You should be doing everything you can to fulfill your life, for you, in the now.

Moving forward and hiding the shit in the pit of your stomach is not always wise..hope you didn't get that message, Doing things to improve your life and dealing with things in small ways are healthy- dwelling on things that can not be resolved causes cancer really. Stress that leads to cancer, Stress that leads to poor immune...same shit, different pile.

That was where my mind was after new years...If you don't like something, fucking change it.
I did. I changed it.

Now that I changed the direction..it is very scary and exciting all at once.

I have also accepted the term "Transient" I prefer Gypsy in old times..

Transient describes someone or something that is temporary or staying for a short amount of time. (adjective).

Gypsy
A member of a traveling people with dark skin and hair who speak Romany and traditionally live by seasonal work, itinerant trade, and...I have dark skin, I do not speak Romany, whatever it sound cooler.


Transient, I have friends that come and go..I have friends who are always there. I have people and professions that come in and out. I am temporally in one place for a time, typically its every 5 years. I quite often change appearance and direction. I have had so many experiences in my life now, I think it is a gift for me to write about. I rarely have a filter. There are also huge gaps in my memory due to situations that I found traumatic, as a child, teen..whichever. Either way..I do know that quite often people who have come into my life and met me quite often never forget me. That's a bonus. Sometimes I meet someone I have been talking to online and it feels like thy have known me my whole life- I have this effect on people, and I read people pretty well too-also a gift.

When I am tired, I have my own terminology. It is only because my brain hasn't caught up with my thoughts, I am ok with this also.

I think this is it for today..
GVix Signing off

PS: I am not receiving messages today

 
 
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