Lots of change happened in my life last year. I went through a serious strike with the Vancouver School Board and found that my sources of security were depleted. It seemed that with almost zero income for 5 months the past financial issues came to my stress level at a head. The vet bills for my dog were running 600 a month.
I had my first serious back injury on August 29th, which left me very scared on what I would do if something more serious came about. I was on bed rest 3 weeks, and Physiotherapy for 8 weeks.
“I've come to believe that there exists in the universe, something I call "The Physics of The Quest" — a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: "If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself... then truth will not be withheld from you." Or so I've come to believe.”
In 2014 he told me my book was a important part to the grieving aspect and that it needed to be published. As I sit here now on New Years Day, I think am I ready to let all my emotions surface? Not so much. I think crying to a person and talking about all the mistakes and things that hurt you keep you locked in that feeling.
I receive a odd phone call and its useless when I say something. On new years, Id have to say I took at hit to the heart of feeling alone and sad. Frankly I m sick of being sad.
There is no reason why my new purpose should not be to take this year for myself. Last year my best friend went to Africa and this year her sister, my other best friend is going to India in one month. Both left their families, to go on a self seeking journey.
Instead till the very day up to new years eve, I had indulged in many naps, wine at least 2 days a week, smoking sociably, zero sex drive- it is like I don’t have any feelings, like I cannot feel my body at all.I felt completely devoid of family. That is what Christmas is supposed to be about, I had one day, boxing day-This was a good day- the only day I had off for Christmas.
|Missing you Fat Sushi Gurl...|
|Here's to a new year..I know you'd want it to be a good one.|
Gvix signing off