Sep 10, 2014

Letter 850

Letter 850


Dear Father,

I hope you are well up there and enjoying your time with Papa and Nana. It has been some time,
and even though 365 letters is incomplete, I need to write this evening. I will be saying some rather harsh words to your daughters this evening, and this does not come easy.

After the funeral, unfortunately you wish did not come to fruition. In fact the family had moved farther apart. I needed much clarity on the dealings of your estate and your belongings and thus in trying to receive information, that I was cast out.

I decided after much hurt, the pain of dealing with it all was better left on someone else s doorstep.
So I started to live my life for me. I kept in contact with the people I felt warranted my presence but with a minimal effort.

There are no benefits to me and my health in  sustaining something that I have absolutely no control over. As I started to really involve myself in the book of insanity and the 365 letters of communication to you, to heal my regret of not being more involved in your life and filling you in on a daily basis, I took this to another level and shared a sample chapter with some professionals, publicists, lawyers, a doctor and a psychologist. I am happy to say all loved the sample chapter and have supported me to continue-As this is a important book for the healing process.

The book itself dad, is difficult to write- and thus is taking much longer than anticipated.
I have small breakdowns , re-reading it.

That is the latest update for now. I wanted to write this evening about your wife. She is not well.
As you probably know, mom did not take your passing very well and has deteriorated since. The funeral itself felt foreign to her, the connect to family was lost.

I know she called you once a week to see how you were doing and to tell you she loved you.
I don't know how to describe the anger I feel at this moment, for what my mother has gone threw.

I do know this, I don't think any family member, or senior that belongs to a family should have to feel so isolated, alone, depressed and upset on a daily basis to the point of not eating and over-medicating to just let the day pass by. Mother said to me, I just sleep and let the day pass, unless I have to take little Buddha out.

Every time mom talks to one of the girls afar, or even me sometimes her health deteriorates,  seems to be getting worse. I do the best I can with getting her to her grandchild every two weeks and trying to see her twice a month- I am working to re-establish my life so this is hard. I may try to have her stay here a few days a week.

I ask my sisters now,..All 3

So you have the funeral planned do you? You have all mothers affairs in order? This seems to be what you are all waiting for, listening on the telephone to moms depression, seeing her once a year in a stat of sickness than calling her a addict- when you all have no involvement.

This was my conversation today, moms funeral. Feeling completely unwanted and loved and half texting broken English.

You cant even allow her to come stay in your home to spend real time with her grandchildren-stating, "we don't get along, sorry."
Dictating on the phone or at the yearly meeting what she should do and how she should live her life and how she should act- When again, you all have almost no involvement, except the phone. Have you even been to her home, had a dinner? let her lead you to her community? What a fucking joke.
Even my kids respect a elder more than you, and they had their fair share of the wrath of grandma.
But there is one thing my kids get, that you don't, their grandma is old and sick.

Mother has been independent most of her life and serves the communities of persons served.
Mother has been a provider and homemaker all of her life- with employment, a artist with two degrees as well, took her courage and did outstanding comedy all threw Vancouver- where the fuck were you all?

 I ask my sisters, why do you dictate without taking part and trying to enjoy something of your mother? Put your own fucking selfish behavior aside on how much she irritates you and try to find the mother that raised you, loved you and dealt with a drunk her entire life ( sorry Dad, I know it was a addiction-and you were a nice drunk) Nice or not, providing or not, Father was a alcoholic.

Then there is the middle child...telling her mother she will never speak to me-
You will never have the chance to my dear-
You will go on through life, and I shall go on with mine.
I will always know you are a piece of me and I will continue to know how well you do in life.
I have no ill thoughts of you, I love your child and your husband, I feel sadness for you-

Mental Health is a funny thing, and guess what? Its hereditary, You may want to do some research in the near future from your own mental breakdown from you own self destruction. You have no clue what mom has, her mental health state, and you think shes going to tell any of her daughters the realm of it? Especially the ones that are not even there! In her mind she will die in her little apartment with no one. I will be the one who gets the call, that is a reality and maybe not to far along here if things do not improve.

How do you feel knowing that is how she feels?

My mother seems to never say the right thing- It is like the circuit in cognitive redirection broken. I have learned to curve this, most times at best. My mothers comments can be sharp and hurtful-
a non response is always best. It is almost like there is a unknown rage and she makes these comments looking for a fight. There is a way to deal with them, unfortunately two of my sisters never did grasp that. Or think that maybe we should have a family meeting and discuss it- This simply does not happen. Nothing gets discussed, talked about or dealt with live.

Its all on a phone call, talk , talk talk till its all a bunch of bullshit and wasted energy and crap, and then everyone goes back to their families and its forgotten, until the next time. Then its talk talk talk some more...
I just remove myself and ....." Sorry I have a Mountain to climb, and a life to live"

I would like to ask, how does this serve you? To break a heart that has been broken over and over again? Your all buying your houses and restaurants and running your company's, and you can't even have your mother stay with you to visit? I know for a fact my children would pay for me to come spend time with them and see the grand kids, Makes me sick to my stomach.

If you received a call from a relative that said, they wanted to give you something, and they are 70yrs old, do you say "no I don't want it" that is like refusing a gift from a foreign country when the gift is a welcoming gift. The response should always be, I would love anything from you, because you want me to have it and this means something to you. This left mom thinking you want nothing of hers-

I will not fix this mess, I will not be the one who does that- I know who will try, it will be 2nd, eldest - and frankly I think shes been threw enough with this shit as well- this letter still applies,
however I do know you have been battling with this for sometime,

How do I sit with this ? I will look after my mom, enjoy my time with her. Its what dad wanted, he wanted to know she was OK- he wanted her looked after when she got sick. dad knew she would be sick.

That's all I have to say right now- 2 years, 4 months...since you left us
Mom misses you...

Ist Daughter
xox