Nov 14, 2012

Project China

 I mentioned yesterday it has been my intend for a long time to work aboard.  Many of my friends and family are asking why, some are very supportive and some not.

I will start the program to teach English in January. I hope to spend summer visiting all my relatives and then finally rapping up my place here to leave for China in August or September 1st. Hopefully the house will be packed away by June.

Sometimes you get to a point where you have to let things go. All your material crap, drama and burdens in life to create a new one. I really thought I did this before. I down sized my material goods, got rid of 20 bags of clothing, filed rid of the 60K SUV.

What I failed to miss was real purpose, I still have crap..I still work like a dog and own nothing. I am happy when I have time to do things like hike and dragon boat..but I am so exhausted from stress I can't really enjoy them anymore-I feel like I am in a rat race in Vancouver.

I have had plenty a guardian angel help me out in my day in the worse of times. Thank you. You will never be forgotten.

Sometimes in life, to move forward is forgiveness. When you are focused you can achieve anything, and this is where I need to be. I have a lot of judgement right now, just as the palm reader said. I cant help the people who have that judgement for me, I can only ask that they focus on their weaknesses for now, not mine.

I have experienced probably too much in the last two years, and this is not all about self- this is also working in my field and having things happen that you have no control over. When you do take control of your life, powerful change always occurs. I have met a few people who show me this, and the reason I get ferclempted (teary eyed) Is because I know in my heart I was supposed to do something much greater.

A friend recently told me, this journey has to be done alone, I am terrified actually, and feel alone very much already. Probably more alone when I make my trip-but I will be thankful I completed something when the opportunity became available.

I remember taking fashion and a buyer wanted 1200 dresses, I did not know where to get them made, I was shitty at pattern making, and I sold myself short.

There have been countless opportunities I have failed to act on. The phrase that sticks in my mind the most, from a high school teacher was:
" Laura has the capability to achieve anything, if she would just apply herself" This is the common phrase with people who have ADHD.

I did do one thing right, I taught my son how to apply himself, and he had severe ADHD and is doing very well, sticking true and hard to a career path.

It took me 35 years to find something I was good and passionate about, and this was helping others.
Not once did I actually help myself. Not seriously anyway.

This is a huge task I am embarking on, with selling all my items, fundraising- I hope to raise 10K and its not entirely for the trip- this is a safety net for if I have a emergency or need to go home and to also have a bubble safety net for my family here somewhat.

Fortunately for me I have a few women in my life who will help make this trip possible. I looked at many other options, moving back to Terrace BC for one, however the purpose is not the same. I would go, and work the same field-not toward a larger picture, may possibly save some money-In the end it would be a wonderful companionship with my best friends. It would not move me further into a secure stable place, and would also not fulfill my interest in knowing the unknown. I am a writer and I feel its important I do this.

My best friends are up north, and even the people I have not seen from Terrace in 30 years are my family-
I will come home, but it will be for the right reasons. Like a summer cabin- a long summer, a 3 month winter..It will not be to live a year for the wrong reasons, which are simply....

"I know you all love me, and I love you too-I know you are capable of giving me the break I so need and helping me, and I love you all for that. I realize, the only person who can truly help me, is me."

I looked at living with a relative and banking cash to travel- that is not sacrifice  That is letting someone else foot the bill.

It is everyone's dream to see the world, but would you do it the way I am? Or would you work like a dog and use your holiday pay?

Giving up your life to embark into another world in extreme climate conditions and experiencing your strength is how I tend to do this trip. There will be no car, no electronics. It is below 40 below in China and above 40 in China. It is a test of will.

It is not just about China, this is the first..there will be India, and Europe...
I mentioned to a few people that they should try it and I was blown away by the racial slurs and crap I received.  At the end of the day I can only say..I was sad.

As far as I am concerned you know nothing till you give yourself of everything. We create the paths in life we lead, there is no one to blame but yourself. My situation all stems from myself, every thought I had was a past thought, and this is because I have not trained my brain to think in new thoughts. I am learning now.
Everyone needs to grow and change.

I feel that until I achieve these goals I will never find love, I will never be content and I will never feel whole.
My only regret is that I am not sharing my experiences with someone I love- maybe after the first year that will change. I do know, I need to breath...and I have not breathed properly for several years.

I will be posting craigslist advertisements continually of my items for sale.

 Sundays will be craft days- I will have same items for sale. Weekends will be filled with bottle drives. If you have pickups available please email me at I will be doing pickups Saturday and Sunday mornings. Donations are always welcome. The account is untouchable till I leave, some of the money I raise will go to walk in her shoes, CARE,you can find out more on their website:

I choose this cause because a women here in Vancouver I met at a  event, Sarah Jamieson, was a real inspiration to me, the clinics and coaching and her own business just wowed me. Sarah is a true testament to real strength.  The time that the events for her clinics started, I could not attend any clinics due to the situational crap around me.

I hope to make this a huge change! I don't know if her clinics are still running for CARE, and due to her massive busy schedule I have not heard back. She always answers me, so when I have more info- I will post it here. I hope to start a group but in the meantime check out the Sarah's running website. Loads of information.

Running campaigns will follow, however I need to do a bit more research for this.

I hope you will support me in this journey. If you have fundraising ideas or information you wish to share, or you are interested in finding out information, don't hesitate to contact me.

GVix Signing off

Nov 12, 2012

Palm Readers and Awakening Conversations

Hi and welcome to my neighborhood.

It was really bothering me this year that I have not set out on my quest I originally intended to do when I did my vision boards in 2011. My quest was to do some sort of work abroad... GVixen is about to go International.

I had yet another hard year and gave up my drive for drama. I fell in love a few times, worked in different areas of my field. Stressed about my kids and family and finance..and it all led to the same thing. Still thinking about stress and drama and crap.

I started to ask people in my work field about ways to make this a reality. Teaching abroad was something I knew Id always do- but thought it would take much more years of school to get there, not so. I will write a different post on my Project China. I will be leaving hopefully by either June or August. My life here in Vancouver will be for sale, and my new one will begin.

This was a 4 day weekend for me, I did work here and there, but along the way I had very harmonious conversation, huge support and learned many new things this weekend.

The start of my weekend was Thursday-It was a very hard day and I was very very tired. If you are a avid reader you will know I work for 4 unions and have a broad group of co-workers. One this day when I thought I was ready to pull my hair out from a series of unsupported text messages from family, a raging period, and a migraine...I walked into a lounge.

The first word I heard was Placenta Sausage. When you are not feeling well this can be visualized in a few different scenarios, not good I might add. I said, "What are you talking about?" my gawd!
In the room, there were 4 females and one male. "oh we had a super granola, hippy here one year who thought it cool to save her menstrual in those Dixie Cups and feed the menstrual to the plants", one of the females said. I was mortified, but the conversation did not stop there. The other female said, "Hey Laura this is for your status " I like to get all David Suzuki on my monthly" post that.

The visions of overgrown grey massive bush hair and over tanned wrinkled vagina, certainly did not depict my vagina-but I posted it anyway, cause that's pretty much how I felt, and pretty dam funny if you ask me.

The other female was banging her fist on the table laughing so hard she was snorting and the man in the room sat silently off to the side. The only male decided, he finally would add into the humor and tell a joke, but first he said"okay this may be offensive but three vampires come home, to discuss their meals", one vampire said, "I went to the blood bank", the other vampire says, "I got two babies in the back", the last vampire says-"I decided on a mellow evening and am just having tea", as he pulls the bloody white string out of the hot water in the cup.

I was laughing, and grossed out- I forgot quickly my issues and found it rather odd they were all talking about blood n guts and there I was on possibly the worse period known to man. Anyway I goggled it and found this stream of chat-GROSS- I am sorry, but do plants seek humans in the wild for blood? This picture is wrong here.

Feeding blood to plants?
So after a few months of using my cup, I decided that flushing the blood down the toilet is a bit of a waste and I'm going to try fertilizing my plants with it. Are you supposed to dilute the blood before you give it to the plants? Will it make my herbs more nutritious if I feed them blood (all that iron...)? Is it even ok to give blood to a plant you're going to eat?
plants are so powerful! they can even break down pollution!
something as wonderfully nutrient-rich as blood ought to be just fine, not to mention incredibly nourishing for your plants.
in cunt: a declaration of independence, inga muscio talks about a friend who rinses out her menstrual sponge and gives the resulting "blood tea" to her plants.
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Awesome fertilizer, but you have to dilute it atleast 10:1 so you don't burn the plants, but well diluted plants do seem to like it. 
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Menstrual blood will burn plants? Did I misinterpret that?
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I interpreted it as the blood is too concentrated for the plant, but your comment made me picture someone pouring blood straight from their cup onto the plant and the plant bursting into flames. Thanks for making me giggle today : D. Actually, blood setting stuff on fire might explain why some females flip out if they even think about touching their own menstrual fluids.

This was a great time of laughter to the end of my day.

The second day I watched movies and slept then did a graveyard shift.  I had a couple try to persuade me into having sex after my 6 month dry period via text messages. That was entertaining, and soo not happening.

The hoopla of the weekend was a friends birthday, this was supposed to be paintball, spa and dinner n drinks- I went with my friend to 3Vets! A amazing store that sells fatigues. We ate a huge Da Dutch breakfast and went shopping. The paintball fell through, not enough people. I was glad actually. The dinner and massive drinking did occur.

During the massive drinking a Palm Reader came to the event.
He was jolly and happy, a Olympian he said. He said he did read palms, but he had to be drunk to do it??
He said it was too much for his system and had to be open to receive, whatever the fuck that meant.
All I knew is I needed to drive and had the water intake and it was time to go.

He said, " you , over here, I'm gonna read your palm". I said, "OK" thinking he was really a load of bullshit.
He grabbed my hand and paused and shook his head several times, I said "what am I going to die?"
It is not good when someone does that, he said..."You have allot of Judgement in your life, and it doesn't matter what you do you will never be good enough"
I blinked a few times, because I really was going threw some huge issues that I try not to talk about currently.

He said, "You will never be good enough. So be who you are." "You have not thought with your center."
"You are beautiful and smart and give allot to this world, you are going on a grand journey".
"I would like you to stop in to India to my ashrome."
I sat in silence, not saying a word..because the truth was I was about to cry.

"Even a death cannot bring you all together-you have great wisdom and you will learn much more along the way"
He said, "soon you will teach in a much broader audience". "You will lose everything, but gain everything."

This was a man I never met, and no one at the table could have told him anything about me because my friend had not even seen him for quite some time.

It was very scary and I felt compelled to leave immediately.
He then said, "Do not be scared anymore, I know you feel completely alone but you are so very much loved from people you do not even know."
"Your mind is telling you you are not good enough from what you have been through, but you are far more than good enough. Accept it and start thinking from the core."

I was blown away, and really did have to leave. When you go through the end you only want to hear, you are OK and good enough.

So its decided we are making a short detour to India before China!:)

Sunday was brunch with some very special people, hung over or not, then off to see my world traveler uncle!

My Uncle and I met at the Main and had great food n drink, he was on a flight out to South East Asia and chatted with me about his travels a bit ,enlightening me with tales from his previous trips. He has a fail proof bedbug tent that he sets up on top of any bed that he stays in. In China, the white man is the lower breed and starring intently at a person is apparently aloud.

In India if there are 4 brothers the first will go into a trade, the second collage, the third a goat, the forth will have his fingers mutated and will be a professional beggar-apparently they are very serious when they tell you thee types of tales.

I found out, that on my dads side, all the kids suffer from sever depression and my uncle expanded how this may be a gap in the family origin- he also explained how he deals with it, and his purpose to move forward.
He explained that almost all of his brothers and sister were not even aware, and the solitude and clutter in ones life is a example-him included and he is just trying now to improve. I think my uncle was closest to my dad, and the loss of the their dad was a mirror image of what is happening in our family in some degrees.

My uncle has never married and I finally asked the long over due question, are you a Asexual or gay..My uncle just laughed his head off and said hes had plenty a pleasure of women in other countries and in life in general but prefers a solitary life style.

My uncle was known as the world traveler for years, a solitude man studying archaeology, the forest and everything else that has to do with nature. I believe he is a genius.

We asked the table next to use to take a picture, and low and behold these were people that were also flying out to Nepal, and just so happens knew of my uncle and could practically name his whole neighborhood in his previous town. We stayed a bit longer then, for my uncle to catch up a bit.

My uncle gave me valuable tips about the huge journey I would take, and then looked down and said he really thought my sister would be the next world traveler and used to send books.
I said, she will in good time, I don't think its over for her calling just yet.

We then talked a little about old family origin, he was astonished when I showed a picture of a long lost cousin in Alberta that looked exactly like my sister, in fact he almost shit his pants. My uncle hopes that all this will come together soon. I have to say I am starting a new relationship with my Uncle and the only real relationship my uncle has had, is with the second eldest sister who he loves very much and sees as a worldly person. Maybe somewhere on my travels I can fly my sister out. who knows.

My visit was very touching and loving and I saw the voice in my dad, that he failed to use at times.
The people next to use were kind of honored to speak with my Uncle as I think his work may be a little well known. As far away as my uncle is, he seems to have a concern for my mom, and had hoped he could see her-This was very touching, as my fathers side was never really that close to my mom, he said he did some family albums and could I please apologize to my mom for using a prior name. I said yes, of coarse-but that was her life then. not now.

The end of my evening was supposed to end with a interview of a arising punk star in Vancouver, although I have a feeling he has been working for years, story will come your way eventually on Vancouver Voice

The punk and I moved it to tomorrow. tea for two-I hope its sunny. If it isn't it probably will be anyway, because every time I talk to the man I feel sunshine.:) His latest on Sound Cloud Below.

Reset Conformity

GVixen Signing off on a great 4 day weekend
Nite all