Jun 22, 2013

"Must Love Dogs"

"Must Love Dogs"

 I often look at men who have viewed my profile..I find it incredibly funny when a man has a picture of himself with his Chihuahua dog up to his face. I do not find this attractive. However I do love my dog and have one picture of her, by herself in all her glory. 

I never thought in all my life I would read about men, who do not want kids, pets, dogs..or even cats. However they are out there. I was always raised with pets, and I think kids who are raised with pets learn quickly about responsibility and values. Did you know as a homeowner you are not allowed to put : NO PETS
Pet lovers of Vancouver call this discrimination to animals, and I fully agree. Home owners are allowed to charge a fee however. 
I have some other views on dogs specifically, because Vancouver seems to be increasingly growing with the idea of boutique pets.
Dogie Wear:
I get comments all the time about how ridiculous it is that our pets wear clothing. Well here is my take on that. My dog hates clothing. I have a assortment of stretchy Shirts to keep the pug hair off my leather seats in the car, and it works quite well. My mother buys my dog outfits all the time. If and only if I am going to an event I will put them on my dog.
 My dog see's me with an outfit in hand, she gets very excited because she is going out. However after a few minutes of running around, those things need to come off.

Dog Carriers: 

Why the fuck would you think your dog would enjoy you shopping? I think it is ridiculous that you take a dog in a purse to a mall to shop. I sport a dog stroller, but only, and I say only, for long distance, my dog is a senior. I would never put my dog threw the torture of being in a over populated materialistic mall.

Hats, earrings and goggles n Shit: 

The latest is to have your dogs lower part of it's ear pierced with a hoop, dogs like to roll in dirt and play..hello infection, unless of coarse you use the carrier and you decide your animal is a show piece.
A bulgy eyed dog, should wear goggles when, hanging the head out the window, or motor sports-this is to prevent cataracts. My dog has pug goggles. I highly recommend them.

Dog Socks:

My dog does not wear them unless she drags her one paw. Now believe it or not, special breeds, like bulldogs, have to wear socks. because they have skin irritations, and one dog I know had it so bad he had one of his toes removed.

Dogs are great therapy for sure, this is why dogs and cats quite often visit senior homes and group homes. I used to bring my other dog to a few group homes and trained her to work in the group home, this was DDA, better know as Developmental Disabilities. I also worked in a house full of ladies, the ladies loved to care and learn from my little dog. Now my dog being a senior and me wanting to spend all my time with her, I refuse work that won't allow my highly trained dog. I will not put in 10 hours unless I have a nanny. 

One company I work for has had the full joy of my dog, and she has enriched the lives from 3 group homes. Recently I was told I was not allow to bring my dog. This is after a year the residents of all three group homes have learned to care for the dog and it was quite sad one day I was ordered to leave. The company frequently has dogs in the head office and other managers with dogs. I mean the perfect setting, is for residents that are semi independent. I could go on and on, but not today.

Dogs during sexy time: 

Now I don't allow my dog in my room during sexy time, in fact I shut the door, I find it uncomfortable. I don't allow any pets in the room during sexy time.
afterward, sure..
Because I have been in bachelorhood for almost 3 years now, my dog sleeps at the foot of my bed, and at 4am 
when the family upstairs, gets up for Indian time, she scurries to get under the covers to dilute the noise. 

I decided to write a story on pets, because the majority of Vancouver is increasing with animals. I do not agree that homeless people should have a pet. Is this wrong? If they can't provide food and shelter for them selves, why put a animal threw it? I do know the government used to provide food for homeless dogs at the food bank..still I think its wrong.

My cat is definitely not allowed in my room, because he has a habit of combing my hair with his paw and sleeping on my part of my head, the part with my hair fringed out on the pillow, sometimes he will randomly hump the dog while shes sleeping. MarTain the Seal Back Himalayan loves Fat Sushi the pug. Its quite weird but true.

As I enter the dating sense more and more men do not want animals.:( My dog is a senior, so every moment of spare time is for her, I mean she really doesn't have very many years left. Recently, I dated a man that actually hated dogs, hated the fact about picking up shit, bitched about a random poop found on his lawn, and banded any thought of animals. Well he is pleasantly gone. We discussed it quickly over a coffee, and it was a deal breaker for me.  

I was doing laundry one day and stopped into a store, Discovery Dogs. I have stopped into a few boutique dog stores now, one actually sells Canuck's jerseys for your dog for 100 dollars. I did my famous routine.
Asking the question that no dog store owner has ever had the knowledge or capability to answer.
and it went something like this :

" My dog is subject to bladder stones and urinary crystals" My dog cannot have treats" I feel my dog is depressed with having the same processed food every day, my vet said she was on this food for life"
I was shocked that I ended up staying 1.5 hours to hear the answer, and this has now developed into a interview on Vancouver's Voice Blog. Stay tuned for the story! I interview end of June.

I also had a male friend point out some interesting things I never considered much about hygienic factors with my dog. and here are some:

After work, I come in and take my socks and shoes off because my feet most times hurt, after work, my fat pug has a fetish for dirty socks, she will run up bark grab the dirty sock , shake it run with it and take it to her bed and sabotage it. I come in, say hello give her pets and kisses, after she has sucked the shit out of the stinky sock.

My dog walks n poops, not a squat stand still dog...so you have to follow and scoop and she shits, most times I bring wipes for those sticky poops, I never realized my dog is so fat her ass had left a shit streak in the back of my car, on the leather seats for a week now.

If I am late getting home, I have once or twice seen my dog run from the litter box, shes stolen a little cookie of MarTains shit. I discipline her, but later gladly put her in my bed.What?

Sometimes during long walks, my dog simply cant walk anymore, I always thought the wet spot on my left shoulder was drool,...wrong..her wiffle was wet. yuck. A wiffle is her vagina.

I do not make out with my dog, or let her tongue my mouth. This is just wrong, I had a girlfriend with a poodle that would utterly tongued her dog. disgusting.

My dog will often put her asshole on my foot. like I am sitting and she will plop her ass on top of my foot. Her mother used to obsessively lick my feet as soon as my socks were off. 

I don't care, I love my dog, and any man that doesn't love my dog, can clearly go fuck themselves, its a full package deal.

I guess now in my life my little dog and now cat, are indeed my companions. It makes me realize I am not alone and they love me unconditionally. I enjoy coming home to a happy dog wagging her tail excited to see me at the end of the day. My dog does not judge me. She simply stands by me.

GVix Signing out

Jun 20, 2013

Douche Bag!

Fun Filled weekend I gotta say! First Week Of June

For most of the weekend, I pulled 16 hour shifts.  Does Everyone know its spring time? LOL
The weekend, I was a soul mate, douche bag and also a kunt with a K.
Physically attempting this dating game is somewhat of a mind fuck.
I am quite enjoying most of it with my new frame of thought.

I will know when its right. right??

I received the most request for dates and text messages I ever have this weekend. I double booked, over booked..fucked up names ..lol hurt one and almost fell hard for another.

I put most dates off,  for one in particular, as I had been talking to this person the most, and he was actually coming into Vancouver to see me which I thought was pretty spectacular.

First lets take a look at the term Douche Bag:
Witipedia:  Douche usually refers to vaginal irrigation, the rinsing of the vagina, also a derogatory word developed in the mid 1960's.

Interesting, lol

I received a few text messages from a guy I met last year, does anyone remember metro town food court man? he sent me massive pictures of his small wiener?well actually , besides the issue of a closet porn masturbator, he has gotten himself together and is actually a nice person, I recently saw him smiling on POF-which trust me is not something he often did. So I said, you look good with a smile, thinking that he would have the common sense to know, I would not fall for his crap, or be interested in any romantic interludes with him.  I accepted a possible meet up to mini golf, as friends. He did say, "you know, I am asking you out"-I really didn't respond to that. He texted over the weekend, and I said "I am on a date". He said, "why are you texting on a date? and I thought you were interested in me!" "You know what..you are a fucking douche bag."

I said, "Did you just call me a douche bag?" and then said,
"When did I ever say I was interested?I said I love mini golf..lol "
I was a little pissed off, so later I texted, " I thought I'd let you know I am interested in this date, in fact I am certain he has a LARGE penis, by the bulge in his pants, good bye."

Indeed I was very much consumed with my date, it was going quit swimmingly!

Food Court Boi,  texted something about his buddies and squirting cum on my face(who says stuff like that???)Told me he wasn't interested in wasting his seed on a saggy old ass, have I ever in my life had a saggy old ass? Never, in fact I think I may have some African American in  me..bahahahaha

I told him I was going to report him to the police, and it just so happened I had on my old cell text messages from when he used to get a random thrill of sending me pictures of his small wiener. I later had checked out his profile pic on facebook and found him to be part of the catholic church, and also employed with our local utilities...holy fark, I thought what a fucking nut job, I should report him.

Just A Girl..Loses Balance....I have been taking a different approach to POF..lol  I have been looking beyond the picture and looking for an assortment of qualities. Sometimes I'm right, Sometimes I'm completely wrong. I read this one mans profile, my two day Island Boi Date..there were two ways to take it, he has allot of time on his hands, or he comfortable in his own shoes, and follows his own belief system.

We did the texting for a day and then he called, in fact he called me twice a day for 3 days. Keeping the conversation extremely interesting. He is older than me, which is new for me, I typically have dated men, 3-4 years younger, not by choice.

By the 3rd day he had suggested just coming down here on his boat, and taking me for a picnic(wow, hello romantic)  I waited in JJ bean while my stomach turned. I love being in the hub of Main street, but also am nervous. I always run into someone that I have not kept my duty to, as a friend, or past date. Sure enough I run into a old friend of mine and feel stupid because I didn't keep in contact, it was good thou.

My thoughts on running into my old friend. I met Grumpyclothing.com at a trade show, he was kind of a mess, and so was I. We hung out. We never dated. I thought him eccentric and fucked up, extremely talented. Loved his work and soul of a angel. I run into him now and he is a complete package, a stud muffin.
I was flustered for a moment, then he said he was running off to see his girlfriend for a BBQ..yes of coarse he was.

So I am waiting for my date, and he comes in behind me, warm eyes..wow, pleasant surprise from what I thought I may have met. I go in to give him a friendly hug, and he kisses me a passionate kiss on the mouth. I am stunned and kinda off kilter. We decide to have lunch, he pulls out a gift..something from his home town. The entire time we are walking he is touching and his mannerisms are not something you find in Vancouver. As we eat,,he is looking at me with his brown eyes, caressing my arm, his legs under the table are touching mine. He pulls out a full doctors reports, one on STD's and one for HIV-all negative. I am somewhat shocked, but he has read up on my blog..clearly. I am also thinking..FUCK. Even though he produced such papers, as a joke he was a extreme gentlemen in every way. I thought geeezz this man sure is sure of himself.

After lunch we decide to go to a park..we sit on a bench , but instead he holds me in a bear hug, and kisses me some more- I am off kilter, and kind of feel out of sorts on what to do. we sit on the grass, and all I can think of to say is, "your kinda of touchy feely aren't you?"

He says, "this is how humans are supposed to react when there is a connection, a chemistry..Vancouver has lost its feel for humanity and love, everyone has walls, rules and barriers." He then asked if it felt right, I said "well yes"..as it did almost too much. we walk and talk for what seemed to be hours, and then ended up cooking together and watching a movie cuddled on the couch, kisses in between, tickles on the arms, legs..
It was crazy really. Our conversation went form writing to arts to music to work to philosophy to history to past to future all in 24hrs..and I found myself almost starring into myself on many levels.

The next day we went for a market breakfast and made out on the street. He said "I can stay right till Tuesday if you like" confused , frazzled, I said how about later. He had a friend to meet and agreed.

Somehow after 3pm,  it all got messed up, he did not respond to meeting right away..I made plans, so frustrated on both parts we went our separate ways. I received a text from a "David" I actually now know 5 Davids.

Work David
Car Salesmen David
Courtney David
Island David
Just David
David in the city, some guy who keeps putting comments, I refuse to publish on this blog.

All except work David, are from POF, with codes beside their names, a few are dating already and some have become friends on facebook. So I receive a message "Hey Hi, I'm supposed to meet my girl I am dating but I am having issues, wanna grab a quick coffee?

So on POF-Car sales men David had just messaged me recently saying it was a shame we never met up when he was in Vancouver.
Well this was the guy who wouldn't make a second trip for a date in Vancouver and when we missed meeting he was angry and a ass.  I talked to him last year. Courtney David was also from last year and is on my FB and recently asked how I was also.

Both have dogs, both drive trucks, both had girls they were dating. In my head I am thinking it is Car Salesmen David and maybe hes read my blog and lets see what this nard has to say- I agree to the coffee, as long as its close by-as I am still in dream land hoping to see my date.

David texts that indeed he is close by, gets out of his truck I realize it is the wrong David all together.
I was kind of relieved, because this would be a excuse for a quick exit, I tell him he is the wrong David. This David, gets in a uproar and says, WTF Laura?? So what we are not having coffee now? I said "no, no, its all good- so what's up" He of coarse had met a psycho chick on POF..what else is new!

I get a message later that day on pof from someone I had given the skirt(evaded) to all weekend, not only was I a Douche Bag this weekend, because their, all by itself was one simple word, describing me for the day in this persons head....


It then gets tipsy curvy with my dream date...a bunch of jargon and "DEEP THOUGHTS"

Surprisingly not from me!

Ohhh..why cant things be simple?
man meets women, they like each other, date..monogamist..fall in love , make it work..forever n ever??

why? cause its fucking POF that's why.

However I do so find it exciting!
GVix signing off

Jun 19, 2013

Internet Shopping

                             Free Shipping from Taiwan, and it will look as good as this, promise!

So, I decided to do a little trial at UTube and my First time buying something online, I decided clothing. it's the most returnable right?

You never know what your going to get when you shop online, so I've never done it, except for the odd Itune song. I remember hearing horror stories about peoples credit cards being hacked, or ordering a computer and its a handheld toy.

I can say the same about online dating, you just don't know what you bargained for. If you end up dating the same person, it could even take 6 months to see all the lovely colors of the person you have decided to share your personal space with.

I mean it has been for me quite a adventure. Tonight I went to return the box of goodies, and the sales clerk was horrified, "This is what they sent you? someones used boots?" " Omg!" she said, "we have refurbished jeans and such, we call "Vintage" however they have been revamped, and remade like new-this is crazy, we can't sell these" I just said.  "well I expect a full refund"  The salesclerk said, " absolutely, no kidding. "

I also have realized I look like shit on tape, so any hot women out there that look like me, feel free to contact me for a upcoming series hopefully in the near future.

I have had a person look at my blog, and although they have had minimal education in writing, I do know that they have a knowledge for film, script writing, story telling and so forth. I hold the highest respect for Mr Edible Editor, because of his experience in TV and film, creative mind and output. I was eager to hear how he viewed my blog as far as a selling piece.

The comments were a pleasant surprise. Over the years I have known my vocabulary can be somewhat of a splay of words from my own person dictionary that I have created in my mind. I also know that I have run on sentence's, poor choice of word use and fragmented sentences. I received honors in creative writing however. I was always told to go back and take a English coarse,  at one point I thought that, maybe I had a disability with language use and writing form. I never retain anything..stories come as quick as a fart and are quickly forgotten. When a person reads a story and is bursting a gut and says.."remember when you said", quite often I will say I have no idea what you are talking about. Unless they shoot the title name or a picture of reference.

The editor, who I have hired for sexual favors (joking) said as much as he would like to make this my blog
to the standard of writing, he is afraid it will take away the charm and charisma of the writing style.
It has an innocence about it with adult content and appeals to the age group of 25 to 30 something to the new 40. Therefore he is reluctant to touch anything major except a few spelling errors. The Edible Editor is a person I had just hired online, and he came with a huge list of stats, I was surprised he called and said he'd love the project. The Editor had this incredible voice, so I am currently fantasizing a "You got mail" story as we speak, in reality its probably some geeky pimpled faced man who never leaves his house and that's why he edits at home.

Friends and family make pretty harsh comments on a regular basis , yet I have 50K readers, so I must be doing something right.

As I shop online for the next profile to analyse or possibly meet if they have the right standard. I come across this fucktard:

A man - Handicapable
I live in the Canadian Gardens Building on W. Georgia Street on the 11th floor. My name is _________ I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.There is an idea of a Me - some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hid

Interests: Yo-Landi Vi$$er, Major Lazer

What type of selling feature is this except weird? It's like if you want to be a artist with some sore of sexual fetish with cleaning your face, take it to craigslist.

Well that's it for me tonight!
GVix Signing off
PS feel free to tell me your worse purchases made online!:)