I will start the program to teach English in January. I hope to spend summer visiting all my relatives and then finally rapping up my place here to leave for China in August or September 1st. Hopefully the house will be packed away by June.
Sometimes you get to a point where you have to let things go. All your material crap, drama and burdens in life to create a new one. I really thought I did this before. I down sized my material goods, got rid of 20 bags of clothing, filed bankruptcy..got rid of the 60K SUV.
What I failed to miss was real purpose, I still have crap..I still work like a dog and own nothing. I am happy when I have time to do things like hike and dragon boat..but I am so exhausted from stress I can't really enjoy them anymore-I feel like I am in a rat race in Vancouver.
I have had plenty a guardian angel help me out in my day in the worse of times. Thank you. You will never be forgotten.
Sometimes in life, to move forward is forgiveness. When you are focused you can achieve anything, and this is where I need to be. I have a lot of judgement right now, just as the palm reader said. I cant help the people who have that judgement for me, I can only ask that they focus on their weaknesses for now, not mine.
I have experienced probably too much in the last two years, and this is not all about self- this is also working in my field and having things happen that you have no control over. When you do take control of your life, powerful change always occurs. I have met a few people who show me this, and the reason I get ferclempted (teary eyed) Is because I know in my heart I was supposed to do something much greater.
A friend recently told me, this journey has to be done alone, I am terrified actually, and feel alone very much already. Probably more alone when I make my trip-but I will be thankful I completed something when the opportunity became available.
I remember taking fashion and a buyer wanted 1200 dresses, I did not know where to get them made, I was shitty at pattern making, and I sold myself short.
There have been countless opportunities I have failed to act on. The phrase that sticks in my mind the most, from a high school teacher was:
" Laura has the capability to achieve anything, if she would just apply herself" This is the common phrase with people who have ADHD.
I did do one thing right, I taught my son how to apply himself, and he had severe ADHD and is doing very well, sticking true and hard to a career path.
It took me 35 years to find something I was good and passionate about, and this was helping others.
Not once did I actually help myself. Not seriously anyway.
This is a huge task I am embarking on, with selling all my items, fundraising- I hope to raise 10K and its not entirely for the trip- this is a safety net for if I have a emergency or need to go home and to also have a bubble safety net for my family here somewhat.
Fortunately for me I have a few women in my life who will help make this trip possible. I looked at many other options, moving back to Terrace BC for one, however the purpose is not the same. I would go, and work the same field-not toward a larger picture, may possibly save some money-In the end it would be a wonderful companionship with my best friends. It would not move me further into a secure stable place, and would also not fulfill my interest in knowing the unknown. I am a writer and I feel its important I do this.
My best friends are up north, and even the people I have not seen from Terrace in 30 years are my family-
I will come home, but it will be for the right reasons. Like a summer cabin- a long summer, a 3 month winter..It will not be to live a year for the wrong reasons, which are simply....
"I know you all love me, and I love you too-I know you are capable of giving me the break I so need and helping me, and I love you all for that. I realize, the only person who can truly help me, is me."
I looked at living with a relative and banking cash to travel- that is not sacrifice That is letting someone else foot the bill.
It is everyone's dream to see the world, but would you do it the way I am? Or would you work like a dog and use your holiday pay?
Giving up your life to embark into another world in extreme climate conditions and experiencing your strength is how I tend to do this trip. There will be no car, no electronics. It is below 40 below in China and above 40 in China. It is a test of will.
It is not just about China, this is the first..there will be India, and Europe...
I mentioned to a few people that they should try it and I was blown away by the racial slurs and crap I received. At the end of the day I can only say..I was sad.
As far as I am concerned you know nothing till you give yourself of everything. We create the paths in life we lead, there is no one to blame but yourself. My situation all stems from myself, every thought I had was a past thought, and this is because I have not trained my brain to think in new thoughts. I am learning now.
Everyone needs to grow and change.
I feel that until I achieve these goals I will never find love, I will never be content and I will never feel whole.
My only regret is that I am not sharing my experiences with someone I love- maybe after the first year that will change. I do know, I need to breath...and I have not breathed properly for several years.
I will be posting craigslist advertisements continually of my items for sale.
Sundays will be craft days- I will have same items for sale. Weekends will be filled with bottle drives. If you have pickups available please email me at email@example.com. I will be doing pickups Saturday and Sunday mornings. Donations are always welcome. The account is untouchable till I leave, some of the money I raise will go to walk in her shoes, CARE,you can find out more on their website:
I choose this cause because a women here in Vancouver I met at a event, Sarah Jamieson, was a real inspiration to me, the clinics and coaching and her own business just wowed me. Sarah is a true testament to real strength. The time that the events for her clinics started, I could not attend any clinics due to the situational crap around me.
I hope to make this a huge change! I don't know if her clinics are still running for CARE, and due to her massive busy schedule I have not heard back. She always answers me, so when I have more info- I will post it here. I hope to start a group but in the meantime check out the Sarah's running website. Loads of information. http://sarahmjamieson.wordpress.com/
Running campaigns will follow, however I need to do a bit more research for this.
I hope you will support me in this journey. If you have fundraising ideas or information you wish to share, or you are interested in finding out information, don't hesitate to contact me.
GVix Signing off