I RefuZe to Settle
To me it's funny when I hear from a girlfriend, that they will not settle for less, then they deserve. Then to say, "I deserve the best, goddammit!" I did allot with my time during the 3 years I was single and entertained myself with women's groups, and actual university courses about achievement, physical training with mastership with coaching. One of the best coaches I had , was a trainer at Steve Nash- Married, and originally from the US, very fit.
His wife was 260 pounds! I said, "I am shocked at your wife being of a larger proportion"
He said, " She has everything and more that I could ask for in a wife, and we are working towards a amazing fit life together"
I only found this out, because he was planning the wedding, and as we trained we talked, boy did we talk. I had gone on a handful of dates, and during a core session decided to share the horrid tales of all the men I went on dates with. What I forgot however, is all the horrid details I had said about myself in the beginning of the training.
Several months later, he said," well I'm glad your getting out there Laura"," Let me ask you this, If your debt gone? Is your stress balanced? Have you cut some of the workload yet? Are you happy with your body? Do you walk into a room with full confidence? Are you happy with your residence? your savings your career? Are you involved with full friendships and some sort of outlet ?
Hows your hygiene? teeth, spine, flexibility, feet? Have you completely quit smoking, do you have your retirement plan? Do you feel your kids are stable and you have paperwork in line for later?"
God he went on and on..I just wanted to kick his ass. But he made his point. It would take me 3 more years to feel I had some balance in all these areas, and some I am still working on.
The main ones: I was incredible insecure with my body and my feelings- I would sabotage relationships unknowingly because I did not feel I was worthy. wreak beach naked and a shrink- fixed this in 6 months, and a photographer.
Health was a mess, smoker, feet, teeth, physically I was under weight with zero muscle and no flexibility. I had not had a massage in years and my spin was out of whack- so I was constantly in pain. This caused me to not stand up straight with confidence. I joined kintec running group, yoga and dragon boating and went to all doctors appointments including stress therapy.
Friendships and financial-my friendships I put time in and received instead of hermitizing myself off.
I cleaned up a large financial section at this time.
This took 3 years.
My point is , you are only worthy of the list you make for yourself-
Look at all the things on the list:
Example of a typical women list of what they want in a man
will look after me
Are you athletic? are you rich? can you put 20 percent down on a home or your partners wedding band?
I thought not- if you are seeking anything you are not- I call you , sorry to say
a gold digger. And gold is extinct in Canada. That;s why we buy it used.
Some men know how to do it right, or they think they do.Dinner, flowers-the chemistry is amazing and then you fuck-and then guess what? its over.
A good man will do all that and wait, he will not only do that -he will massage you, look after you-worry about you, think about you while out, call you on a thing we call the telephone.He may be at a grocery store and think-I bet she would like cupcakes today, and he will get them and his grocery's and find a way to get them to you.
He will show up always with something, a card, a picked daisy, a bottle of wine- and he will wait.
He will offer to do things for you. These are the men who you think may not be the man for you because of status or appearance or wealth- but then you have something to work on together.
Or he has everything, and so do you.
It's a no brainier. I find that the men I over look are always the great men.
So, I choose not to do that anymore, and see what happens.
My standards of what I want are still very high- but not unreasonable.
I expect the same level of income as myself or a little bit higher.
I expect the same level of fitness and eating habits. I want to live a long time.
I want adventure, risk taker and travel, ownership and business..all in one- If your not a team player-Jump ship now.
Now onto a better topic..
Have you ever met the girlfriend of someone you were dating? Well you see, I don't date men that are married or taken, so when I found out my 4 month relationship was shared with another women, you can imagine my surprise. It was a list of similarities and full lies.
The women was quite charming and since I had gotten over the jerk, I was ok with hearing (well I held it as best I could) the explicit details and the same bullshit scenario's I went through with the bi polar man. The women was in a long unfulfilled marriage before she met, Mr Beach-boy63
So this was especially more difficult, and small children in the picture. Not the most secure women to be meeting sure a player of POF.
This was the reason I wrote tonight, love your self or you have no love to give, learn from your mistakes and be brave, absolutely you deserve the best- but settle your heart for awhile and get strong first. That is my message. Enjoy just being, still your mind, enjoy your kids...and do things for you.
Don't let anyone love you less than you love yourself.
Gvix Signing off ..
Hugs to all