Mar 31, 2013

The Rules



In all my writings since 2007, there is no time like the better than to recap The Rules. Seeing as spring is near. Dating in Vancouver is about as grand as being lonely in Seattle. It's hard games out there.

I thought I would take the time to reflect some important rules when dating on the Internet and also getting out there in the jungle. Be forewarned, there is a new set of rules that have developed in Vancouver...
The book is coming: Its called The Man Rules

This will be a field study I have already been doing. I have a few males who have already stated their "Rules"
I'd like to share now, one profile I saw on POF who clearly has his own set of rules, It states he is not looking for a relationship, as he has one..and well here it is..lol

I am a working professional in an open, long-distance relationship and would love to meet new people to either paint the town red or stay indoors with a bottle of it.

Thus, the following applies to only those who are open to the Internet being a medium for meeting people - platonically. Just as some men might create a profile to find sexual spontaneity while maintaining intellectual/social distance, this is a profile for the exact opposite.

(Good) friends without benefits.

So, if you're looking for a partner-in-crime - where you play Bonnie, I play Clyde...

I'll have you know, I'm not like any guy you've met from the Internet before. How would I describe myself? Hmmm... there's two types of guys I could be...

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[An Ideal Guy Friend] - Real enough for many.

He's a skilled homemaker. You will not find a single whisker in the sink. He expects to have your meal ready for you and some "Whiskas" for your cat when you get home from work at five o'clock.

He loves to bake and will have pies and other warm goodies on the window sill whenever you get a craving.

He will rush to the grocery store to buy you "Always with Wings" and "Centrum® Ultra Women's" because you are crampy, bloated, and your cold keeps you at home.

He will continually stock your sock drawer with new pairs of nylons (he hates it when they get a run) to match whatever shoes you are going to wear. When you do not have a pair of shoes to match any particular pair of nylons, he will always agree with you that you do not have enough pairs of shoes. He will spray every pair of strappy heels (that you wear sans nylons) with "Febreze"; not because they smell but just to make them extra fresh.

His dexterous fingers and strong hands do amazing things. Every night he will paint your toenails and rub your feet because you feel as though they have walked a hundred miles; and he knows that tomorrow, they will walk a hundred more.

When you catch his at a traffic light, he will be singing along, word for word, to Vanessa Carlton's, "A Thousand Miles".

He is an excellent potter and loves nothing better than to dance; sober. At any moment, you and him could recreate scenes from "Ghost" or "Dirty Dancing".

He has excellent control of his body which he tries to keep up to snuff. If you ever want him to get oiled up and act like a tanned buff exotic dancer in the bedroom, well, he would be prepared; as long as he gets to snuggle afterward.

He is a lover who is really all about chick flicks and cuddling. When you get cold while you and him are watching his favorite movie, "Failure to Launch", he will get up to turn up the heat or put a log on the fire and brew up some peppermint or herbal tea.

If you ever need to talk he will be there for you.

He would just love talking to you in the mirror while he stands behind you brushing your hair. He would then put his hands on your shoulders and tell you "everything is going to be just fine, Dear". It will be just as cathartic as watching "Oprah".

He loves Oprah Winfrey. Hopefully you and him will have time to watch reruns of that and "Sex in the City" a lot.

He really likes gardening and will undoubtedly find the time to craft an amazing botanical jungle for you. It will probably extend from the villa's rear patio overlooking the ocean unless it blocks the view of the tree with the wild parrots.

If you do not like parrots, he is willing to learn falconry as you may feel a kinship to nature and think it best you and him hunt for our food.

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[A Real Guy Friend] - Ideal enough for a few.

I work in a profession that is not always "nine to five" so someone with a hairnet and a mole (that they have named "Whiskas" and has its own hairnet) often does my cooking for me. Although I am encouraged to be clean-shaven, I do look good with a five o'clock shadow.

When it does come to my kitchen, I wear an apron whenever cooking with liquids at the stove and I clean my ball-caps in the dishwasher.

At the grocery store in the fast check-out lane, I would be saying "Ooooooo !!!" out loud to myself when I see that "Extra Gum" has a brand new flavor. Subsequently, I would have to give you the gum because I forgot to get the "Always".

I match my socks to my pants rather than my shoes and would never wear them with sandals. My favourite things to put on are my "Onitsuka" sneakers, "Parasuco" jeans, and my "Super-Dry" t-shirt. I only own two of those wrinkled up dress shirts and am very careful how often I wear them out. Let it be known, I know the difference between a dress and a skirt.

My dexterous fingers have been learning to play the guitar for many years now. At home, I take off my socks in the house because I love the feeling of bare feet on hardwood. On the highway, I take off my shoes in the car.

When you catch me at a traffic light, I am making up the words (because I do not know them) to a song on the radio.

"Unchained Melody" and "The Time of My Life" are two of those songs.

I am very athletic however still to this day have never learned to skate backwards. I can eagerly laugh "at" myself (falling down carpeted stairs) and easily laugh "by" myself (watching "Planes, Trains, & Automobiles").

I appreciate the difference between a movie and a film. I turn on the subtitles even when watching either in English. If I am laying down on the couch underneath a blanket, I usually end up dozing off unless I have some caffeinated tea.

I will not talk to you ... during the trailers at the cinema. However, I quietly say "bless you" even if someone will never hear me.

I will buy five cent candies to cheer you up. I love cola bottles. I *heart* cinnamon gum but loathe cinnamon hearts. While eating those candies, I think reading a book of short stories together would be very cathartic. Although, alone I always read the last paragraph of a book first.

I want "Politically Incorrect" to be brought back to television. For the most part, I despise reality television except for the even playing field of "Blind Date". I do empathize with the tenacity of Wile E. Coyote.

I have never planted a garden but I do have a compost in my backyard as I believe recycling is not just for Europeans.

My favorite restaurants are those where I must point at the menu either because the staff can not speak English or I can not properly read aloud what I am ordering.

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Have an idea which one prefer? Good, that's what I thought you'd say.


I LOVED this profile, In the back of my mind I did think, "I call Bullshit" Good ploy..
I actually have had a few words back and forth with, Mr Right Doll...and I thus far was playing 100 questions. I will keep you posted, I am still looking for a "He Said, in my blog"

I have someone in mind, and well- it's not this guy.

I promise a, highly educated, can fix all my spelling errors and I rather like the idea of a man friend who clearly is willing to do all the things a boyfriend does not and most friends don't even do...you want to buy my tampons, sure- cook me food absolutely. I have grand number of male friends who clearly need to make up this check list pronto. I do have one friend who does fit the bill and is very funny.

Attractive in every way, and has had his fair share of game playing to know how to probably  write a self help book. Do you know who I am talking about? If you are smiling very large and have big blue eyes and dimples, then yes, I am thinking about you filling this task.


Basically the new race of males, the "Modern" set of single males here in Vancouver, believe that free loving is welcome, that open relationships are a must..blah blah blah..
Some men leave sex and love separate.
Then you have the female who is completely unaware , like deer in the headlights actually.
Or the female who is independent, self reliant, and is waking up at 50 alone.
With a few bright exceptions in my friend list.

BTW, I am 44, not 50 and when In am 50, I will be the new 40..Just putting it out there for  my sister who doesn't even know my age.

The new male is coy.."Did we ever discuss being exclusive?"
So ladies hold on to your seat belt, hopefully I can give you a few lessons.

Id also like to point out a few facts, that you may be delusional about.

I will start with a pof sample, the most common- he views you, you view him, he adds you as a favorite, you view him again. he messages something random. you message back, then you message for a few weeks, he asks if you want to hang out or grab a coffee sometime. Lame.

Simple as that.

Here's how my system works. he views me, I don't view him. he adds me as a favorite. I message stating so you have balls enough to add me as a favorite on a superficial level, but you don't have the balls to have a conversation? I delete the person. I will only add a person if I am busy and want to flag it as  a possible read over.

Here's another, I receive a message , that I like, I give my number, and tell them I will accept text only- no point in wasting time- lets see if they will actually put things into real time perspective. I should be texting for 1 day, a chat one day- a date request, the 3rd day. If they continue to ONLY text-BYE.. As our Mr Right said above"maintaining intellectual/social distance

This is not to hang out or go for coffee, this should be a real date with a time, a plan. You should have heard his voice, seen many pictures on your cell and know he is indeed real time.

Unless of coarse you are just wanting to be put in a friend zone like asap.

You text him, nothing..- As the post in pasts says " he was so excited he fainted" Tell yourself this and then move on.Don't kiss on the first date. Why? Because, it could be horrible. You just ate Indian, Monkey Ass breath..and it could also lead to the bedroom. If you do, kiss both cheeks.
Keep him wanting more, keep the respect level in check.

Do not kiss on the first date if you can help it, peck on the cheek and a warm hug. The reason is..you are there to meet and feel out the situation. If you've had several glasses of wine, possibly, you may kiss and it may be so awesome you may find yourself getting extremely aroused..then you are putting yourself in the danger zone- a one night stand, a friend with benefits, or a 2-3 month relationship that ends poorly.

Don't fuck for at least 10-20 dates, real dates, either planned by you or him.

Now this is real real hard and I can honestly said I have not done it. The last man was 3 dates and cloths were off. I am going to stick to my word..because, one I have respect for myself, two I want a real relationship-therefore I want to know more about a person than his last name.

I also want him to want me. " At 40, milking the cow, has already been done by my kids" and it wasn't even 2% at the time, therefore the milk is not free ever again.

On POF I don't fuck around with time consuming messages anymore. I have zero trust for any man who is on there. One man  I became friend's with told me he had meet someone- I was overjoyed actually, because  it was important in his life, this was one of those great catches..(or so I thought)  However he was still on POF. He said he admired her from afar and she finally asked him out.
So are you admiring her by being on a dating site?  have some class. Don't get me wrong, I really really liked this man, and all the rules he followed, email, text, talk, plan. So much in fact I knew his whole family in a day..He shared everything instantly. To much, I got wrapped up I guess and was going to book my flight. Then he suddenly met someone.

Another example you are talking to someone, a deep conversation, they abruptly say they are going to bed-and you see them live on POFwhat would you do?

You can take it as a grain of salt-after all you haven't met yet..
Or you can stand up for what you are feeling.

I have heard several of my friends have this experience-I just had it, so I told the guy.".wtf?
I was in conversation with and your LIVE on POF, dinners off."

I am not going to settle for less. In my situation the man gave a reasonable response then told me fine
lets call if off. I really did not want to cancel, but I wanted that male to know it pissed me off.

If I am going to give my time dating someone I am going to close my account. I expect the same.

The problem with the famous book called "The Rules" is they do not apply in Vancouver, and my set of rules are quite similar, however I can quite often find myself alone on a Friday night. So be it, I rather have a great time with my girlfriends, go home to a hot bath and get a good nights sleep.

Other girlfriends of mine, feel life is short, be free..and have affairs on a whim..its quite exciting to hear about them. I have also have fun times, but this wont land you the prince, if you think hes going to really put a effort in after a hot animistic one night stand..most likely not. Men want to 1) be the leader, 2) Have a challenge

You can still be a challenge and not play games. Games for a man are not fun and they will lose interest and move on. This is like teasing for a long time. Playing like your going to give up the goods but don't.

Being a challenge is being involved in your own life. Nothings changed, you still have work, girlfriends, events and wellness..the only difference is there is someone who could possibly be interested in you. So if you are out with a group of girls at tea, having a exciting conversation and he calls are you going to get up from the table, leave the conversation because he called? NO

Are you going to stop your life and wait till he calls? No, you are going to have a full life and continue onward. Like you always do, fit him in like you would a girlfriend. If my Girlfriends text or call at a time when I'm working- I quickly text-working later.

In all my years of talking to women, reading books and dating myself-these rules work.  A man wants someone who is sweet and very nice, but sexy. With a bit of mystery. He wants to know your interested.
But also if hes going to decide on the first date if hes going to see you again, he wants to see value and respect. He wants to know you are dependant on yourself first. He doesn't want to hear your issues, your upsets or troubles, X boyfriends..so forth.

If the man is very interested, he will want to take care of you in every aspect of your life. If he is interested, he will call you and do everything to make arrangements to spend time with you.

For me, currently I tend to sabotage..If you find you are doing this too, like talking about things like hes your friend..Its all a warning sign..it means you 1) are not ready, you need to work on you
2) you feel its a waste of time, but you put yourself in the friends zone because you want companionship

For myself- I have huge goals for myself, due to a few years of shit. I do want to find love, but I don't want to give up my goals at all. So I sort of kill it before its to late, and sometimes unknowingly.

I tell myself later, that a real man can be strong enough to tell me to shut my hole and smarten up..lol
One thing I never checked out was craigslist...OMG..I was told about the personals from a friend, umm..ROLF. I was shocked as hell.

I recently took my POF account down, I have had a very busy month and I found the site extremely overwhelming. I was received up to 100 messages a day, yes there were a 5 good ones a day.

The best dating site I know that works is the referral plan. Get out there with friends and find those referral's.
I am going to finish my field study all threw summer..stay tuned!

Signing off
GVixen

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