Let's hope it's a good one without any fears.
The rich and the poor ones, the road is so long.
For the yellow and red ones let's stop all the fights.
Let's hope it's a good one without any fear.
Over the years, I realized no one made a effort to really see me, and because this is a typical time when there's no work- I simply could not see distinct family either. This Christmas became more miserable every year. Who is in charge of our happiness? We are, so I tried to think about that just a little bit harder.
Lets see who shows face.
They say the way to freedom is to let go of the past and to forgive yourself before others. I hold a lot of shit. I have decided after conversations with my two sons, that, shit is going to stay in the pile of my past. I have forgiven a lot, I have taken the brunt of bullshit and blame and moved along proudly. I have settled for less most of my life and gave to others putting myself last. I have removed people from my life that have stowed the pain inside of me, hidden, to find I am still sad anyway. I have had many many angels to help me along in life.
I have given everything to my kids, my whole self- The reward I have is knowing there OK. This is hard, as we all want our kids to show us how much they love us and just be with us, sometimes we don't always get that. All I can hope for is that they want to see me more as they get older. I have to let it go. So this is it. I have been the best mom I knew how to be. Time for both of them to be men, and if they want me in their life I guess they can find me. I will just appear when the time arises and take what I get.
Sometimes you have no control over things, The only control I have is over my life and where I want to take it. I guess you see things when someone sees you for the first time-like really sees you. If someone cherishes everything about you, your dreams and hopes and even your downfalls- why would you not move in that direction?
The worst part of Christmas is setting resolutions-I don't do that horse crap any more, just sets a person up for failure. I do goal setting daily. Then I do a vision board. I have to say I have set myself up pretty great to reach some serious goals for 2016, because Ive worked on change all of 2015.
2015 was the time to face reality, and although it did not turn out the way I wanted it too, I had a pretty good year, I had some travel. I met amazing people, I mean I meet amazing people all the time, but the new people in my life are of value, worth and mentors, leaders..
The best way to change coarse is to move in the direction of change makers. My best friend up North is a change maker, my teacher friends in Richmond, are change makers, my new friends in the states are change makers. These people make you feel that it will all be OK. This is similar how I feel when I am in Terrace, and now in Chilliwack, I feel the same way. A small community with tons of outreach and programs. You can knock on your neighbours door for help if need be. I never felt that in Vancouver.
I have decided that this year will be MY Amazing