Jan 6, 2013

Finding the Magic....Lip Service

You can only stay in the closet for so long...seriously..
What I mean by this is at some point you are forced to shine.
You cant live with the idea of sadness forever..and you certainly wont get anywhere with being in love with the idea of love.

Let's be real here , love will not find you-it is up to you to get out there in the world and be present in the now- to be seen, to acknowledged and possibly by chance, someone will see you for who you really are.
and...
lip service will get you No where..really
it is another wall you choose to hid behind, a mask...

I am quite different than my Internet personality. I am quite shy at first. I keep allot of thought to myself. In my Internet personality I embellish on many a story and some story's are completely fiction..my alter ego..
Most times the stories ring true.

When I am texting or chatting, I have allot to say, but in person I think my head sometimes swallows my face and I can't seem to have the wit I did when writing.

My friends who know me, see me live in real time funny, and see the Internet personality to full force. I remember one time, going to a pub I had not drank in some time..you ever see a very drunk chick and think, "god I'm glad I'm not that chick"...I was that chick, except I said, "OMG I am the drunk HO of 20years of age, I don't want to be right now!!" Someone get me home."

You see I know when I'm drunk, I have something in my body that programs me to stop drinking and then I'm on water- I think this is a diabetes thing.

Another example would be, when you meet me for the first time..."I would never fart, I am a bed of roses, I am too ladylike to pass wind"

With my friends and family..I am known to say,"I defiantly farted just now"

I find you just need to take the plunge and get out there and meet in person, and then be cut n dry by the end of the date- "yes I'd like to see you again or "no I would not like to see you again" Above all have fun on your time out, because really you have taken time to get out of the house, you might as well have fun. Unless the man is a asshole. Then you call your friends.

The biggest thing I have found with dating is there is always something that person is either insecure about or they actually have something wrong with them, or they have a interest that you do not have.

So rather waste time, you night as well just ask the questions and save yourself allot of grief...I suggest you ask questions after you have met, are interested and are thinking about possibly sleeping together in the near future.

Is your cock 6' and above? are you circumcised or not?Do you have medical clearance? I mean whatever your preference is.

Above all, defiantly ask this one before you sleep together: Are you sleeping with anyone else currently?

Do you have HPV, HSV1/2, The reason is 80% in BC have one or the other. There was no test for these STD's for some time, now you can only get the test upon request, most symptoms are minimal-and many don't even know they have it.  This is not a dealth sentance, but it could feel like one for some.

If the person says, I dont know- tell them to get a test. There are two males on POF that are sleeping around that have HSV2. This was a report from Markas the owner, sometime ago.
Regardless you need to ask these questions.

Do you possess any deformities or abnormal behaviors? That could be anywhere from a Prince Albert to a fucked up club foot. They may have a history of depression, bi-polar-it is best to know if you are capable of carrying their baggage. How much do you drink a week? You said sociably, How much? So you smoke weed recreationally, so is this like a cigerette after work, before bed, weekends or once a year in Jamaica?

Ask questions about baggage: Do you have a car that is running- this is important, because it can give you characteristics about the male. He does not have a car, because he lives in Yale town and does not need one-he can afford to rent one if needed. His car is in the shop, really? for how long? He has no car because he is downsizing costs. I have a car, but I don't drive it, He has had a DUI and he is completely unstable.

So your cell..can I call anytime? important: if he has a pay as you go..well that speaks volumes doesn't it?
However if he has a home phone, well that is just smart thinking.

How long has he been at his career, how long has he been single?

If a man has been single for 6 months and has a child-stay away.
If a man has a nasty divorce and a small child between the ages of 1-5- stay away
If the man has not maintained a relationship longer than 5 years- stay away. He never will commit.

Ask the man to send you a picture on his cell, better yet, ask him to call you. Or facetime you with in the first week. You would'nt want a Catfish on your hands would you? This is someone who has stolen the identity of someone else.

Do you have any fetishes? Some may have a fetish you are completely against, and some might have one that is rather mild, that you can live with-best get it out in the open at least a few weeks in..But if you do have a fetish and are really interested, best not to spring it immediately..cause then you will just be known as weird and creepy. Like the corset boy in 2007, I went on a date with- after our date I received a email with several shots of him in ladies corsets and a penis thither thing..yeah..you know, after being in a fairly normal domestic relationship with a family- that was really gagging to me, puked a little in my mouth.

Because what if you go the whole mile and your about to sleep with the person and they have a choking fetish?
I have been in the closet, or rather basement since May. Before May I was in a two year relationship and then a 6 month one..so I feel like I am entering this dating world all over again.

After the last relationship, I just thought it was all too much effort, so I was hanging by a thread on past relationships, that really did nothing for me. Hanging on, meaning, it's comfortable, it's safe..I feel normal, nobody wants to be uncomfortable or feel abnormal- holding on in hope's that they will find time with me, be a friend call out of the blue, do something like a movie-and I do have one male friend who I share my life with regularly, who is a very dear friend-but this is not the man I am going to be intimate with.

I still feel it may be too much effort to me..with work and other things on my plate- but I will venture out with the few that stand out above the rest.

Striving in the drama of others..

As I sit here and sip my Sherry..Writing..."God what is that stench?"

As much as I love my little community of East Indians, known as the downtown of New Delhi, this is not curry wafting into my apartment, but rather a cheap East Indian on fire..pardon me for the pun.

I need to get my sexy back back so to speak..therefore- I have signed up for a Burlesque class..woot woot!
I was in ballet for several years in my childhood, jazz and hip hop in youth and in my early 20s I battled
on the dance floor with black people from the US-
Tomboy in a white tank and ripped jeans-They always seemed to like me, and I loved to astonish and rip up of the dance floor-however I was a good girl and always went home with my girlfriends-we just loved to dance.

Dancing always made me happy- I think I look like the Elaine dance now, sometimes I don't even remember how to dance-
Even if I could barely walk the next day and the evening was filled with alcohol consumption, I remember it was always the best time ever, we used to do "The tree planter Dance as well..

I am reading a funny book called "It Could Be Worse, It Could be you"
Already this author sounds like I have been for the last two weeks- so funny!
People are always doing something new around me, something exciting, goals are set..blah blah blah
What if you had nothing new. What if someone said, so whats new? and you said "Nothing".

I always have something working in my mind, a plan, a thought,and a project. In the last two weeks, I have slept, worked, slept, cleaned and organized..planned on paper- but quite literally have done nothing.
Work, nap, masturbate, do dishes, work, read a page, go back to bed.
For 3 days I worked in my Pj's un showered, because I could. I felt over fed, turkey coma.

People would say, so how was your Christmas? meaning how was your two week vacation?
Christmas was work, and stressful and well- nothing.
Did you go party? No, I had one evening at a  friends.

I remember standing in front of the mirror in my Pj's those three days watching myself age.
After the 3 days I decided to do regular lip shots, then sexy lip shots..have another drink right?

The thing was,  I was watching the movie Burlesque and it was super sexy and I wanted to put on a sexy attire and take new photos, but I was to lazy, so I just did the lips.

I have to say, I have a beautiful waredrobe, I love to dress up my firends. My beautiful waredrobe sit's quietly alone in my closet.

I went back on POF last summer for entertaining purposes, I did not go on one single date, until last night.
The date itself was rather delightful! I laughed and had fun, I was very nervous because I have not dated.
It was a first step into the unknown.

Should I make time in my busy schedule for a mediocre conversation? No. So I am specific on who I will meet up with that's for sure.

After Christmas, now to be specific I have a string of stimulating conversation.
I call this Lip service. Cause really that's all it is, till someone finds the balls to come up with something exciting enough to either say or do, for me to want to make time. 

I was working one evening with 3 ladies who really just need a bit of help in running their house, all three ladies want to be involved in groups that involve dating- men or rather friendships, that suit their mind set.

I took 5 pictures on my iPhone and asked," who should I go on a date with?"
 I was shocked and delighted at their answers based on appearance only.
"That guy is boring" this was a Mr Gabrielle3
"Is that guy on the beach? he has his shirt off, I'm flustered, he's hot" this was Nate
The other says, "but will he go to church and provide a lasting relationship? that guy is not for our Laura"
"That one has a great smile, but it looks like he has food in his mouth." "No Manners!"

I love that these ladies are innocent and gave me sincere answers. You see in their world, which is highly protected) They rarely feel the type of hurt we do in our relationships. Their world is simple and with purity.
Most of the relationships these women have are friendships. The hurt, these women may go threw in relationships, can be as real and painful as ours, but not as complex.

The lucky winner was two actually, one who looks like a fellow worker and indeed has a great smile His name is Daniel. The other  was very silly and they loved that 6'4 man riding a tricycle named Harry. They also like ZAK, and Joseph. Adam was too sleazy looking for the ladies, Stephan was to stuffed up they said.

I can say with confidence first names only because there are over a million men on the site.  I find it funny the ladies said Adam was sleazy, because I asked "whats with the bedroom picture"LOL, he said "yeah, pretty sleazy hey," I thought the fact he admitted that was, for one, he has a sense of humour and two hes daring. it looked like a TV ad, guy on nice bedding in conservative clothing holding a glass of wine.

This will be very hard for me, because I will only date one, see what happens - I don't multi date, I find it tacky, I also find it dishonest. Does meet n great count? According to these men, meet and greet does not count. I mean last time I did a series of meet n greets was in 2000, and half of them didn't look like their profile pic, so it was pretty easy to say, " Thanks for trying out"

One man started off guessing the band name of my TV shirt-this was actually a contest, unfortunately the prize was a kiss..UGH, he won. I am super shy in person.

All of a sudden I am talking to five amazing men, well what appear to be amazing men. I think they fucked up on the girlfriends Christmas gifts and are now all single, because quite honestly I have never seen any of these men on here except one, which is Adam.

I like the fact that two said they are off to the gym then swim-this is my routine after work, on a regular week day.

This year I have decided to find the magic in me.. I am quite confident if you haven't noticed on the outside..
but people who really know me, know that I am quite shy and somewhat insecure on the inside.

I will no longer hide in the closet but enjoy dance again, get fit without killing myself..and quite frankly go to some events...
Fortunately for me I have several socialites, and humanitarians in my acquaintance circle to keep me busy probably for the next ten years..it is me who has chosen solitude and quiet.
 Trust me this has not done me any favors for myself..only to leave me much lonelier than I had hoped.

I have been involved with someone, and am still doing the 20 first dates, however I have realized that these 20 first dates are clearly way to slow for me..I give up, I find that unless you are going to try to place yourself in my life and make serious effort- I wont either.

Really I am seeking a full adventurer..I mean I do plan to see the world here in a matter of months to a year, to and from..the man I seek much have very large balls, and not for me to teabag.

What makes you happy?

Do you remember things that brought you absolute joy as a youth?
I loved doing art with my mum- and I have decided this year to part take in several classes again with my mum, I will at least try to take one anyway.
I loved to dance- I mean at one point this was my passion. I am clearly to old to achieve anything in the dance profession but if I can do something simple I will feel accomplished.

In my teens I was a star at the good old Stardust roller rink in Surrey, I tried blading once-not for me!
Time to pull out the roller derby skates and do a few runs on the seawall when the weather is better!

Last summer I picked up biking riding again, only to complain about the seat massively hurting my ass.
I liked it though, I felt like I was 12 getting on a bike for the first time- I will go find a jelly pad seat and some ass pads:) My bike is a royal piece of shit thou, I need a new one-this thing was my sons mountain bike and weighs a ton.
Many people think I should have been a actress...well maybe, but instead I made people beautiful for several years..I think I will focus on making me beautiful and bring my writing skills to the stage.

I worked with a over anxious man the other day, who I can say is probably incredible on stage, funny over anxious and kind of eccentric.. I just have this feeling about him and his creativity.
Maybe we can collaborate something amazing on stage-who knows. He is a actor.
You ever get a piece of floss stuck in your upper molar? that's new, this week for me! This is quite annoying, I may actually have to see a dentist to get this thing out, I chewed gum today like my quid, and it would pull the string on release, but no dislodge-UGHHH, so annoying..I just know I will be having a conversation and the green string will be hanging out the side of my mouth or something.

The Naked Truth..I can say all these things and plan all these things, but really I am exhausted, hence sleeping for basically two weeks. In the end of all these exciting adventure ideas, I am still left with just me.

I like me, I can be rather boring at times-and I think this is ok too. I remember being boring, watching movies and just doing arm tickles all night with a partner, falling asleep on a warm chest..doing nothing..I like this most of all. This is the feeling I got with one reply from a man on pof. Odd, seems to know me from another time.

One friend I have,  I also have a feeling of long ago...we went on a few lunch dates..but he is too much like myself..weighed into working to live...we really have to stop doing that MR, and I know he knows I am thinking and worrying about him right now.

I have to say, I did absolutely nothing today. I slept till 2pm..I have the flu..The weather was disgusting, my little dog did not poop today because she did not want her furry ass on the grass. When I think about what if I did not have any goals and just carried on and was left with who I am now-would I be satisfied? No I would not.

If I accomplish one at a time,  that will be ok.


GVix Signing off
xox

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