No one responds, I have anxiety, and start to break out in a cold sweat. I start running, but there seems to be no end. I stop suddenly, as I see a deer nuzzling the snow. I stare at it, and then as the deer looks at me, my vision zooms like I am being transported threw a tunnel..and I wake up. I am in my PJ's in a drenched bed.
I get up shake my head, curse, as I rip off my PJ's and head for the shower. The next day goes by very quickly.
11pm, I am checking my email accounts, there are like 4. I am looking at the stats on my blog, I switch to Facebook-nothing new in the news feed, I edit my timeline, I like a few pages, I go to iGoogle, I look at my news feed, "who are these people?" I go to twitter, tweet my X, he is still peeping and ..EW
I go to YouTube, it annoys me , I switch to the chive..boring-
12am, I pour a drink, start reading part of my book of fifty more shades, she getting fucked from behind- again, boring nothing new.
1am- still wide awake, I take a Advil, 400mg- best not to have a headache in the morning.
I do some needle hooking for 15 minutes.
I bite my dogs tail, chase her around the house, take her outside for a pee.
2am- A bath, I will take a nice hot bath, I shave my legs, pit hair that doesn't exist, do the full face scrub n cream, get out, do body cream, dry off, put fresh Pj's on.
3am- check all my news feeds again-nothing, who is up at 3am anyway.
decide to clean out my fridge, shit the floor is dirty decide to wash my floor.
325- OMG I'm so tired.
I am standing on a roof, somewhere in the desert, I am wearing my Penguin Flannelet Pj's. I am looking down at what I swear is the Mojave dessert, I see a lizard scurrying. I look around, and see a stairwell to the ground. I am going down, but the stairs are not reaching the ground, something claws at my hair...I look up
Its a weird bird that is flying down, pulling on my hair at the top of my head,my arms are flailing, git..git! I realize I am super hot, like sweltering..
His yellow eyes bear into me..as I look into his..I am in the tunnel vision again. transporting.
I wake up, in a drenched soaked bed, Martin the cat is on the other pillow, legs extended with nails in my hair. "Martin, you bugger!"
I rip my PJ's off and decide to walk threw the house naked for a bit- what would happen if i went outside completely naked to have a smoke? I am so hot, cold shower? No, I hate cold.
As I am at work I giggle at the weird dreams, the insomnia and tossing and turning..OMG I am sooo bored and exhausted.
I go home, start to organize..ugh, I don't feel like it. I walk the dog. She attacks a man-I do nothing.
What to eat? I'm not hungry, Ill eat at 8pm or something. I call my girlfriend,"wanna get the fuck outta here"
"where she says?" I don't know the mountain?" Sure we'll do cypress then whistler-agreed its set.
Ahh, Whistler, hot tub, drinks, the spa..daytime adventure!
Ok, so that's like 3 weeks away, what now? I go on POF..boring, no enticing messages, nothing to lighten my day.So I decide to meet my two friends for coffee, I talk about my weird dreams, Sue says,"wowww, do you think those were your spirit animals?" Karen says, fuck no..that's early menopause dude.
You best be getting some hormones cream and defiantly some dick before..before..." and she gets her finger and circles my crotch area, that shit dries up"
I yell," Oh fuck off, that's not it, I'm just in a rut..I'm, depressed or something..I'm lonely...
I'm," truth is I had run out of excuses and I don't know what it is.
I confirmed today, exactly 3 days later, that indeed my shit is not dried up, I have nothing wrong with me, I just needed something that gives me a pep in my step, a smile on my face.
I received a very romantic message in my in box, that to me, was creative and very romantic, it went something like this:
I saw your profile, ad was pretty smitten with it. So much so, that I've spent the last 20 minutes creeping your blog, facebook, etc. THE GOOD NEWS IS, that I'm not a creep or weirdo.... just maybe a little weird. But I do have to admit, I am a curious and rather resourceful guy.... and I was really intrigued by you.
A few things that I especially found interesting about you.... (once again, in a non-creepy way!)
1. You are from Terrace... where I spent many a summer tree-planting in the early 90's. In a romantic comedy, we would exchanged glances while walking down the street on one of my days off, and this would be when we do a flashback to that moment, and it would show that although our paths did not meet at that time, there was always a connection..... only to have that connection revealed NOW!
2. You're sexy in a very unique way! (but I'm a little weird, so take that with a grain of salt)
3. I see that you are off to travel.... maybe we can chat a bit before you go. You can have somebody "waiting" at home for you. (which is good to have when those Eurotrash start hitting on you - "sorry Anton, my heart belongs to somebody else!")
4. You're funny..... but yes your spelling is atrocious. I'm willing to overlook it though.
I just thought I would let you know that although, it made no sense to send you message, as I live a good 10 hour drive away, I just thought I would let you know that I liked your profile.
So..... that's it. :-)
I had to read the message a few times, because the person had put some actual fact into it, which means he was not just looking at another face-he had done some research. I first thought maybe he was a creeper because he mentioned this a few times. However when I looked at his pictures, I clearly saw he was not.
In fact in one picture, we indeed met..in passing..In Terrace.
Just a man, trying to find his place in the world with his small family. I do not know if there is anything there-
I do know there is something, maybe its a friendship..I am not sure. It reminds me of a cute song....I remember from..some Starbucks mixed tape..
In Vancouver we are all living to work, not living life. I downsized my career to enjoy life, but not really.
Now I am trying to maintain and save for China, and the cycle continues. What if I met someone who was able to live a little bit of adventure at a time with me, and give me also what I am lacking in my life?
It seemed, I had spoken to someone just as this. So its not about the guy here. It is knowing that that possibility is indeed available with a little scarifies, it is still there ladies, and this was on POF!!
That's all I have to say about that, no I am not going threw early menopause, mid life crisis-I am just bored.
and lonely and somewhat self absorbed, but that's another topic.
I have a guy friend who is always trying to hang out, and quite frankly even though I am lonely..bored
I like my space..I am finding out who I am..I am finding out who I am, so that I know what I have to offer in the end, and I guarantee it will be grand.
GVix Singing off on a good sleep