Some of us out there are in love with the idea of love..It does exist, I promise. However as you read on you will realize that true love must radiate from you first.
The romance that comes with a new love interest, the feeling of worth and acceptance. In today's world, or Vancouver rather this barely exists I find. You never know what you are getting into. In a new relationship is should be a time of wonder, learning and possibilities. It seems that their is just too much opportunity for the male population. The best bet to meet someone genuine, is threw referral, or invite to a event, a activity you are in, like Dragon Boating:) Sailing::)Yoga:?..well maybe, depends on which location..lol
I truly feel that a person that has been scorn in love, should really learn to love themselves before entering the dating world. The majority of women and men on dating sites have personal issues or feel they need self gratification to get over another. Mine was a little of both and my work schedule, but in all honesty, I went on one date.
The last two relationships I was in, they talked about their X relationships, where as I had been single 3 years prior and had spend serious time on self growth and healing. I was blind to the red flags because by the third year, well I was quite lonely. I was happy with myself and my activities but missed the companionship for sure.
I met someone and had a rocky start, but truly felt I had met my soul mate..it was the kind of romance, most times you read about. The man's idea of a date was a home cooked meal, with flowers on the table, a walk, teaching me how to cook, dinner out..and recreational activities. I think possibly at one point, he felt he was in love with me. I do know now, he was always waiting for someone else. How does one get over that? well trust me, its very very hard. But it does happen. With support of friends and trying different things..it does happen. You analyse the relationship and find the signs you never noticed were there. This does not mean I will wave and wish him well...It just means..You can get over a heartbreak. It has nothing to do with time, it has to do with how you deal with it. Time helps.
I have been recently asked by two men to be a fuck buddy, yes its true-and its disgusting-
This means in my head, you are just a hole that I have no interest in, but your hot, and Id like like to use you for a while, I have no interest in ever having a valuable relationship with you. I had put serious time into one male and the other well, we wont go there-the other knows this is wrong, and apologizes on a regular basis. Its more like, shit I'm sorry, my selfish needs are creeping after a debilitating marriage. The truth is this male loves my friendship and does value me-so I can get past the continual requests for sex, I just tell him his penis is to small.
Then their are the females...I just don't understand the low self respect and worth category..
I know of one POFer..who just assumes that all the males she is sleeping with, are only sleeping her and she is the player and she is on top of it all. How gross. I wont get into it, but its gross.
I work so much, I really thought I would never meet anyone unless I was on a dating site.
I felt that I had to choose wisely and really scanned on the dating site to choose a personality I felt safe with.
I have been off the dating site a few months, and I can say I am relieved. I am not sitting home on my computer(well except to write) I am out. There is no hiding, meeting in person. I will force myself to go to a funky all nite cafe, and write Old school style, and its so worth it. Strolling the dog park in Yaletown? well I can say there are lots of single men their with pure breads..lol..It is lit up and you are on dog talk, then asked to grab a Starbucks-Its awesome, there is a pen..its a great place to just be with your dog, and meet new people.
I am a people person-some of my greatest friendship have been found this way.
One time in a fabric store, I was buying black latex (catsuit) the lady beside me had a shit eating grin, and started to giggle. I said "what?" she said , whats that for? she was about ten years older than me, and I was shocked she had a dirty filthy little mind. Then she said, laughing louder-just sayin..Halloween is pretty far off..lol I gave her a perplexed look-"Slow sewer?" we exchanged numbers and she was my dear friend for many years-I have not seen her in awhile..I should visit. Her mom is sick:( Thinking of ya Rosa. xo
My idea of a healthy relationship is just as stated in above, there should be no reason to mis trust-when you give reasons of mis trust, the person on the other end starts to question, and thus things become sour.
I can say I have trust issues for sure, but more importantly its more about self value. Its very hard to remember your self value when you truly like someone...I know this..
This is a new year and the people in my life will be of value to me and themselves. My closest friends, have crazy respect for themselves and when I tell them comments or things I am faced with, I realize I need to get my self respect back..for somewhere, maybe in after my last relationship-I lost it, I feel I don't deserve better? Well I fucking DO.
So every time I make an excuse for someone, I will just catch myself. Or allow someone to talk to me a certain way, when really I don't like it-for example my boss. Recently I have just said exactly what I am feeling in the moment, I feel they have gained better respect for me actually. I like the apology, then I can get over it.
As I grow and learn from myself and how I have changed, and how my friends have changed..I am astonished.
Anyway, life does not revolve around men! I recently had a bottle of wine, cryed..and then tomorrow was a new day. Remember this! You cant make a person like you, think of you, or love you-The only thing you can do, is do it for yourself, and know the people who do feel this way for you and show it, will serve you much better in the long run.
Life is short. Don't waste it. I wasted 3 years getting over my X finance, and the only good thing that came out of that, was I found myself. It was a full year of self pity, and sadness-my family torn apart, survival for sure. The second year was being tuff, fitness, health..career training. The 3rd year was a full year of vacation. I met Mr Big and I traveled every weekend to all over. I came out all shiny and new.
However-what a fucking waste of time, this 3 year thing-should of been done ten years ago, not because of a stupid break up. Doing this for yourself should happen now if not done so already. Everyday, I had life coaches, shrinks, a personal fitness trainer-I lived in a hole with nothing, to pay for the shit. I went back to school-
It was a huge chunk of my life. The mental part could of been accomplished sitting on a rock in Tibet chanting OMM for 1 month, looking at pretty things. I deprived myself of sex, I had full bush, I shit you not.
I will never do that to myself again.
The Fairy Tale...the knight in shiny amour, remember that story I told back in 2008?
That's right he killed, raped and pillaged before he got to the princess, and it was back in the 1800's
meaning hes dead, doesn't exists. The fairly tale for the princess, does exist..but it has nothing to do with the knight. The knight is just a bonus.
The Fallen Princess...
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”-Deepak Chopra.
GVixen Signing off