Love Affairs Should Be Forever...
A man once said, "You want to talk about my 12 year failed marriage?"
If indeed you have been married any time over 10 years, kudos to you bud for keeping it alive that long.
I look back and find myself in past relationships bored, needed and codependent in the past- and once I lost everything, and threw most of it out and became self sufficient and realized I could do with less, and learned to like myself and love to be alone and enjoy friends and view my friendships loves from the outside and understand it!!!! Well holy poop..It all makes sense.
In the last 3 months I have learned from several different partnerships. " A New Marriage" This one is quite cute, where the man has his guy nights and she has her girl nights, their agenda is a series of cute dates and they even have separate rooms, for evenings when one works super late or a guest is there..it is all rather quite funny, they coordinate cooking nights for the week, workout schedules..I so adore.
A pair of comfy old shoes that bring you into there warm, family and friends, they are a fairly new relationship, 5 years..but I was fortunate to be, in their presence one night at a all night sushi place, I felt like I was part of one huge family.
I think the things I miss the most about being in a relationship is getting excited that someone is coming home, sharing my stuff, cooking..routine..putting my ice cold feet on the back of a thigh...tickles..reading a bedtime story to each other..bubble baths, going to the market for dinner, dinner parties..
( oh shit, I forgot, most of this shit happened in my mind, except the cold feet, I defiantly did that to my X)
Have I ever been in love? Looking back now...I don't really think so. Not the type of love that I have seen is several of my friends relationships. You hear about that caught in your breath feeling, the butterfly feeling..the so happy your like a kid in a candy store, over something silly..like meeting for coffee. Every day reference they come to mind at random. The incredible romantic shit, where you talk all night, can't sleep..in fever.
I think I was truly in love with a tree planter after my divorce, that was electric..and 3 years long-it was a relationship that actually ended OK, I didn't see a future in the end..my future was back in van, his was not. I used to to get so excited when he would come in from camp, I used to get all those fuzzy feelings..H used to do bizarre things, he was so comfortable with himself he would just act what he wanted to do..and I followed suit like a lost puppy..that was good times..I was very young.
It is a form of love actually..I think it is important to have that feeling threw out a relationship..this requires work. I remember buying my partner 101 ways to romance, cause he was a fucking dud. Most men today associate romancing a women with money, and it's not entirely their fault, women are very materialistic in Vancouver, I couldn't give a fuck if I bought a no name t shirt from superstore , as long as it looks good, I have to say my three pairs of friends in relationships are true exceptions to the vast majority of women in the downtown core.
On a few dates in the last year..I have played a male?? I have pulled out the creative card to some that almost brought tears..one date said, he had never been to the aquarium in a random conversation, I set up snacks and we went..I had gotten a beautiful card that day, you see he was a very special person, just not the person for me- so after the fun date, I gave him the card- it was a breakup card. He screamed "Why would you do this!!!!" and sped off in tears.
I''ve had a few dumps too, not literately//lol that would be gross. The dumps I have are from of coarse the men you think you want, and then when you question, its like a wake up call on a whole other ball of shit..the next day. If you are that easy to toss out, if they just text shit but don\t call..if they are confused, maybe don't want a long term relationship-however their status says so.. I'm typically fine, once I go back to the gym, have a good girl chat and look at the vast majority of men who do want me. It is hard to find a specific t[ye of guy. It is my job to read and understand people. There are some things that are just un negotiable to me.
I mean I know what I want, I know the type of man I need for me to accept in my life.. I need someone who has been in a long term relationship and understands that the little things are important in life..that quality is better than quantity in life. Family values are important. Respect is very important and just kindness and communication.
One of my beautiful friends had been single for two years, on and off the Internet dating..duds
anyway she went to a local pub and met a man in the neighborhood. Now they only live a few blocks away, but instead of just banging, like most new relationships do, they meet for coffee, he asked if he could go on her run with her..they have dinner dates..it is incredibly cute and is developing now into something very substantial. It is a proven fact that it is the smaller communities in the lower mainland where the decent men dwell.
After you turn 40, dating in Vancouver is a joke.quite frankly a chore. I myself, as you all know, have written about dating for several years, two relationships were from online, one 6 months one 3 years. woo woo kudos to me. I have officially deleted my profile off POF, I think my profile lingers on a few smaller sites..I recently put up my friends picture of her backside, you see half a but, a blond pony tail and shes shooting a gun. Her profile was sad, she just wants to hang out..her head line was CallDarc. This was a test for the POF site, they have done nothing to fix it up. At the end of the day there were over 200 messages, I fucked with it a little bit, some of the comments were guns n girls, hot. One dude said "Oh your new here, it a scary place, I said-thats why I have a gun" I deleted it, and wrote the maker of POF to give him my input-I mean it didnt even show her face!!
I had two dates specifically make a decision in my mind to stay off POF forever. I even put some cutting edge lingo on there-
" I am looking for a man to marry"
so did they actually read the profile? what do you think?No.
One lifer I had been talking to forever, he is extremely cute..I realized after finally meeting him for coffee that he had never ever had a relationship, it had been a revolving door of women online. He said he was picky. I said I was disappointed he never asked me on a second date ( this was before I knew he was living alone forever) He said, all you have to do is come over, hangout and bring a book. ???
The other man was just out of a long marriage, then went after a young model who broke his heart, he decided to tell me this on our date. I realized as the week went on, it was a majority of texting conversations..horrible. I also realized he was smitten with the type of women I described above. I can dress up and be the downtown superficial looking women who expects the riches of men..but you see I could never be that, I am from a poor hardworking family originally. My mum was a artist, we were kind of hippy, I honestly don't think I could keep up the facade. I enjoy my sweatpants and doing physical work and breaking nails.
After that week of refection, I saw a new face online, someone I had never seen before..my cursor paused....hover hover..
scroll threw pics...all of a sudden I get a pop message. He was older. he was what a normal women, would consider had "baggage"..I thought what the hell, and left my number and deleted my profile. See what the universe does this time. The thing that stood out was he had been married a long time, however divorced a long time, he had more freedom, and he seemed like he was warm and fuzzy. He looked like a average tradesman. His Profile, meat n potatoes. there was something that starred back.
I typically have a thing for artsy fartsy, or highly educated business men. However on this particular evening I was thinking about want I really wanted in my life, that matched some of my qualities, he hit everyone!!I do not need- wanted ( because I am defiantly at the point where I do not NEED a man) Do I want someone to share my life with? absolutely! I wanted a active partner, like, hiking travel..being out and about in Vancouver..to try new things, I wanted a hardworking man, someone with family morals and values, old school, proper..and also intelligent- Domesticated was important. I love learning new things. I was looking for someone who really was past looks and social status but looked after themselves and valued health in general.
I could see all that in this mans face. I mean there are many men like that, however this person just popped out when I was re-thinking of what is important to me. It really doesn't matter about the guy, it could of been any guy, it was just the point that I realized that I was not interested in what I thought I was, and he popped out. I was actually thinking how grand it would be to really focus on my mini trips to michu pichu hike, and a few other mini destinations.
So I have had my profile deleted for a month now, and I find that I am enjoying my re-connected old time friend , and her friend, I am doing more- like the gym and yoga. I am sleeping more, I am reading great books, cooking better and enjoying work more.
I guess what I am trying to say here, is I am now at a point, that I will ADD to someones life immensely not hinder it. I have gone threw all I need to go threw to realize I would be a gift to have in someones life, and I want the same. I do not want to do the dating in Vancouver, courting a person-yes. so you meet, you realize there is chemistry and you go what feels natural you give all that you have to that one person, that means knowing them as a friend with relationship intentions. bringing them into your world, making compromise and acceptations, thinking about them before you...if you do that , its a no brainier. The man is meant to lead, in the beginning, I feel this is important because this makes his feel of value and worth.The women is meant to be feminine and soft and sweet..then later you can all wear the pants when you are actually a team.
Men online have no balls, the excessive texting the ridiculous meet ups, there a few men who are new and try it and realize its one big game of thrones.
In real life men rarely go up to a girl and make a move, this is the best part of living! Phone calls are amazing!
its even more amazing now a days when you get a call from a man of interest because it never happens!!
Dating is just lameo in Vancouver, I was relying on the referral method, and I have to say there are some good referrals- My friend Shoebox has a amazing referral, he keeps dating the wrong women thou, and I think he enjoys it, the freedom for now with work n such: he's a back up..lol, I have to write him a letter and tell him that if we are both single at 50 we should just fuck and get it over with and go from there, or jump off the Granville Bridge together" ..movie "If Lucy Fell" best movie ever, Lucy dates..her first date, take's a two hour shit in her bathroom after the date, her roommate (A guy, comes home) and its just hilarious, her roommate is in love with a model next door, it all seems hopeless..they write a contract to marry or fall of the bridge...they actually fall for each other, very cute. Sure that could be me and the referral, he does look like a model n all. You know there is something about dating your friends best friend, I think that should be taboo or something.
My last Quote of the Night...
If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from that was past comforts to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you."
Eat Love Pray
GVix Signing off on...Love Affairs Should Be Forever