Over the last few years I have subleased, my spare room over the summer. I am not easy to live with I will say that from the start. I can be needy and demanding, I can be uncommunicative and unavailable. I have habits like every one else.

I thought I would put that out there, because quite frankly I cannot contain the humor in 3 roommates I have had, that drove me crazy. Keep in mind I love them all,except Katy. I am still very close to them, and it would be wise that we not live together again unless it was a much larger space.

I will start with crazy Katy (fake name of coarse) Katy forgot to tell me she was Bi-Polar and just happened to forget to take her medication for the duration of her stay. Katy paid her rent, quite often picked up groceries and surprised me with dinner, was very clean, seemed to love my cat and dog. I never went into her space, because  ..its private. Sometimes she would be gone for days. I found this odd.

One day, I decided to peek in her door, I was horrified. it was a landfill. There were used tampons and all sorts of stuff everywhere, I heard a clink when I  tried to push the door open, there were massive bottles of wine behind the door, empty of coarse.

She came home and we were watching a movie, I looked over at her thinking to myself, Jesus who knew.
It was the first time we were sitting in the common area for any length of time. I glanced over a few times.
I watched her tweeze chin hair, I said nothing. at one point I saw her put her hand down the front of her pants and scratched and then rub her nose Jesus! who would have known.

Now I was consummed with wanting to say something about the room, and holding my comments in. I then said, |what the fuck are you doing? your on my couch and your tweezing your chin hairs, use the bathroom for gods sake". I said nothing about the clearly smelly crouch she thought she may have, or the room, but I was very irritated. she said, "what crawled up your ass?"

Two days later I was woken up by banging and screaming. I got up , I'm like "what the fuck is going on?". Katy yelled at me"your motherfucking cat is in the ceiling I can hear it" I said ," your crazy".
Katy yelled" if you don't figure out how to get your cat out of the roof or raters I'm going to kill it"

she looked crazy, but I didn't know how to get the cat out, and I couldn't see how the cat would get in there.
I said," I cant help you, put ear plugs in, I gotta go back to sleep".

10 mins later I heard my cat, screech and a thud, I screamed and came running out, my cat jumped up and ran. Katy had punched my cat in the face.

I lost in , I said "you fucking psycho you can be out by tomorrow".
In the morning Katy was making coffee in the kitchen like nothing happened.

After she left for the day I packed her stuff and told her the locks had been changed and her stuff was on the step. I never heard from her again.

My next roommate I had worked with she was a hard worker, and very funny. She was clean and excellent, didn't talk to me in the morning, minimal time in the shower, gave my pets lots of love, cleaned was all good till about a week in.

I came in quite late, on night from a brutal shift, I said "hey whatcha doing,"oh ya know just having some tallboys" she had downed 6, and was talking my ear off very loud, I couldn't get a word in edgewise..this went on for two hours, and although I was finding the conversation funny, I was getting tired.

She was doing her verbal impersonations of the slang health care workers pick up in the field, because we have zero filter and whipping a asshole is like changing your underwear..well not exactly. some of the terms are beef curtains, pink don't want to know..I was peeing my pants, and it never fails, this women can bring me out of any slump. I swear stand up comedy she should do.

finally it ended.

The next night I came in late again, "whatcha doing?" oh ya know, having some tall the third night I had estimated she may have a slight drinking problem, so I brought it up, and she admitted it surprisingly.

in my mind I was like great lets get you some help..blah blah..
the next day she said she was moving in with her abusive boyfriend and would not be paying anymore rent.

I was upset, but what could I do? we discussed her issues and it turned out she did go back, but soon after got her own little cute space and is doing very well. I lucked out on that one.

The Weird Guy Roomate

The last summer, I did the worst thing someone could possibly do.  I let a man sublet my second room, who I had slept with. I had spoken to him for a few months, our dates were full of chemistry, he was amazing in knowledge travel and very sweet, super funny.

A few things happened that were warning signs...
You see when you are in your 40s the chances of that person changing their ways are slim to none.

He lived on a beautiful remote island, with peace and serenity, took only contract work. In my mind this is a person at peace with lots of rest. You would think coming to the city would just be exciting.

But on our first dates he bitched and complained about everything, traffic, people was on and on.
and I felt, like, ghessh get a grip, you would think he'd be in bliss with a great women good food, fun times out.

He stayed with me a few days after several dates, one time during a movie I made a funny comment about dinosaurs "Do you think they existed?" I mean cause I have never actually been to a was just something funny" He said, do you think your going to interrupt me for any other questions?

I laugh about it now because its quite funny, that he was perfectly fine with his comment of utter rudeness.
I came into a small amount of money the next day, and he had taken a siesta..
I knocked and said," Hey guess what? I have a extra 800 dollars we should celebrate".
He said, " Do you think your going to be waking me up at any other point during my siesta?"


He slept over, but we did not sleep together, not until the next meeting. I warned him about the Indian family upstairs and bought him silicon earplugs. As he settled in bed fluffing and priming and putting a million pillows under his ass, stomach side..head..I was instantly irritated.

At some point half way threw my sleep, I heard, "Christ!..and he got up and yanked the sheet onto his side of the bed that had been slipped off. got up, I said"is there a problem here?"
He immediately said," noo...its just the goddamn noise, the cat the dog.."

Then he moved my dog. not cool.

Then there was the sex. Amazing kisser, I have to say...kissing is not everything....I felt like I was in a movie looking in as he slammed me missionary style with my horrible bed. I said, I'm flipping over.
and then I made the horrible mistake of looking backward.

It was a 1970 porn movie, live in action, with pursed lips, and owww..noises
I was immediately turned off. The next night, he rubbed up against me and I said.".um I'm not into it"
he seemed like a married husband who hadn't had sex in weeks..he said"really" come..on...
How tacky is that? I said, "well actually you probably could have anything you want you just have to learn to take it."

He said," oh really, well excuse me for being a gentlemen"..UGH...not happening.
He was so sweet at times, I thought I will not throw him under the bus yet.

Turned out he got a contract here in van and we discussed him subletting my place for a few weeks and paying rent. I was over joyed, as I needed the money, and I was going on a road trip for two weeks so it worked out perfectly. I did spend a few days on his first day of work, and all he did was bitch about this job he was so dying to get, and then went to bed. He talk about his job on and on, never ask about my day, and if I talked about it he would walk out of the room while I was talking. RUDE

I did indeed go away, however there was a death with a close friend to my kids and myself. we were all devastated and shocked and dealing with grief quite badly

If someone was crying on the couch, as a human who you not console them??

My youngest son was staying here, and the last night took it pretty hard his friend was dead and had drank a large amount of alcohol. We go into the house at 2am, and my son is standing by the bathroom, I said" hey what are you doing?" Just then the bathroom door opens, and my son say,"eww..umm, I was waiting for your weird roommate to get the fuck out of the bathroom" mind you he was in a towel.

It was a sign.

when I came back he was completely distant and said nothing. it was events and the funeral for 3 days, he said nothing, are you ok..nothing. So I confronted him and he said, " oh if you are expecting friendship or anything for that matter I just don't have the energy to give it". I was angry.

I told him I was absolutely not interested but he could be my roommate. As a roommate he was very clean person, helpful with my cat and  dog,food..dishes.

 However he would spend long periods of time in the washroom grooming everything on his body except his nut sack. I said "what the hell are you doing in there?" He said, "Oh I like my alone time??

He would constantly be doing stuff and but never really get anywhere, like a mouse running in circles in a cage. It is the second contract and fortunately he has met someone else..that's right.

I could not talk about any part of my job, because it freaked and grossed him out, and he would just tell me to not talk about it.

We both came to the agreement to just function in the house and not expect anything from each other, and now its working out well. I do enjoy conversation when I do have it with the man, however this is a person that solely does everything in life for his benefit. I do agree with this aspect to some degree, however I am simply not built that way, I am a complete giver, supporter and will go way out of my way for most. Sometimes it bites me in the ass, because I am disappointed in the return.

I have learned how to deal with this, I just accept everything and expect nothing..Give what is needed and don't give my whole soul. It works.

It is funny how karma works, I am understanding and listening to my internal warning signs.
The saying that a person most likely wont change after 40 is true, however you can with training and continuing growing with knowledge. I know I have.

GVixen Signing off..


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