I was looking tonight at some of the truly beautiful friends I have, female and male. I reflect now on the good times from past events, the smile in my face.
Stating I am not available, cancelling just about everything has not been easy and has not come very easy.
Every one has shit in their life, responsibilities...
The friends new and old I have always had the highest respect for and try to tell them what they mean to me given the chance. In most situations I feel I have given back to the friendships.
Since Christmas my social life has been on hold, realizing I have some huge massive things to change in my life. I also had some situations that were not very pleasant and rather stressful, like almost everyone else.
However tonight, I was sad. A true friend I feel, is in your heart and if you can't be with them they are always with you anyway and vise verse. When you meet up with your friend, its like no time has passed.
I recently had a few friends, tell me they were disappointed in me, they needed me and I was not there. I cancel, so I'm not going to receive any invites, sick of calling me, because I don't pick up the phone.
This is three friends in fact. I have had two just cut me out of the picture entirely.
This is all Via Text messages. I have to admit, I do need to change my Voice mail it only holds 3 messages, I agree, most times I cannot pick up the phone at all. I do check text messages. With no warning, last weekend I received yet another two texts of how disappointed my two friends were in me.
All I can say is...
Maybe I should of explained? I thought I did. If these were just acquaintances that would be OK, but in fact these are people I value and respect and am quite shocked.
I had one friend tell me, that friends have no right to quilt a person out. Why do I feel guilty?
I can't do anything about it. I have not been hanging out with other friends, It's been work, relatives, home
school. sleep, minimal expense-meaning no extra gas, no outings no expense on entertainment. I don't drink, I don't smoke....I am not available for Pub's and excessive drinking, I am not available to random drunk gatherings, or elaborate shows. Sometimes in life you have to make sacrifices.
The things that suit me best are a hike, a tea, homemade dinners...BBQ's...bowling..
This is my change for now...and I feel it's a good one.
I know that if one of my friends were going through something similar I would 100 support.
I may not be with them to hold their hand, but in spirit and voice I would be there.
I just don't get it.
Anyway....for the friends that feel I have hurt them, neglected them, or disappointed them.
I am sorry you feel that way. I am still here, I am still your friend, nothing has changed, I still love you.
The friends that are supportive, make their way into my life...calling till they get a voice, showing up at my house, understanding my schedule and agreeing to a concrete time, it may only be a hour...but its a hour.
It is all I can do for now. I only got one life, and I need it to be a good one.