Where was I on the grief? I have refrained from my 365 letters because in fact, the letters have been turned into a book. I am sure no one wants to hear about someone dealing with grief on a daily basis for 365 days, what is the point of that? It's depressing. I decided this would make better, a book, on grief counsel. The book is based on a women going through loss and grief, with humor and a little crazy. I am thankful I have had some amazing support on the book from a friend who is a psychologist and am excited about the release sometime in the future.
We have a choice to be sad or happy, to move forward or not too. I am still dealing with the sadness and am in a assortment of small therapy. I have chosen to move forward, find something in each day that brings me happiness. I am thankful for the support I have from my friends who force themselves into my life and my mother and most importantly my co-workers and health professionals. I still cry at inappropriate times, I just say I have something in my eyes now. It works.
"If you or someone you know has lost a family member, experienced family loss during the process-
Please advise on some sort of grief counsel, A person who does not deal with the loss and family turmoil will feel emotions of anger, depression, outbursts, loss of focus stomach pain, sickness and stress, alcohol intake and other suppressants-which effect health later."
Brought to you by your friendly GP.
I have a few life coaches that are truly angels , who force me to talk about what I am feeling and I also found a support group, finally! a support group that is not crazy religious and may help me try to talk about what I am feeling. Funny I found a old workbook I was given when plarring my diploma in child and youth justice- I never read the book, but aced the exam.
I found the book and the first chapter was a eye opener. If you have family origin issues , I highly encourage you to try the workbook- There may be some of you out there that need this book. I am only on chapter one, and its very very hard for me to do- Because you have to take accountability and face fears. I don't want to live in the emotions that will cause daily emotional turmoil, so I have decided to set a time and place and to do one chapter every two weeks. This is the free download below.
Download for free
One of my friends, who has been a coach in past and who I value very much, had asked me a few times of what I had been through. I was not ready to share-NOOO...bring up shit that makes you cry for hours, not likely.
However I really missed the man, and he had been on tour for quite some time, and from another world, late at night, he asked me again."Are you ready to share? " Sharing with a life coach requires that you, yourself has to deal with the work with it-because what ever they say in response to you, will leave you with internal work to do within yourself.
I basically fired off a bunch of point form events- with not real much emotion. "he probably hid his shock.
I did feel his words were very valuable, and I see writing for him in the future , possibly in another country.
So I decided to share his words with you today, because really his words can apply to anyone and any situation..
I hear you though
living with memory is all you have, when you lose someone
it sounds really complex in terms of dealing with it
but in the end of the day, if you can be okay with the memories, and accept who your father was - especially who he was to you, then you can move on knowing that whatever he was to you was for the purpose you have the outlooks you have now.
By their actions, parents teach us...either to emulate them in the good things they stood for, or choose to change your life to avoid facing the problems they encountered
it seems that in your family there is a driving force making these really wild and dramatic scenarios happen. I'll ask you a question - where do you think that stems from, and why does it continue to happen?
one other thought for now...if you want to be free of this craziness, it's a choice on your part. Sometimes very difficult because it requires a calm honesty towards those closest to you (your family) about the situation- meaning a declaration to them that you don't want contact with them under the circumstances that your relationships exist, and be prepared to live by your word.
if you can let go of that - accept who they are no matter if you feel it's good or bad, and leave them be if you feel you can't do anything else, or that it is dragging you further into the ground.
eventually, at this rate, it will. How do you want your book to end? A massive explosion, or peace for yourself?
I just read a cool book called the 4 agreements, which talks about an ancient cultural way of living through 4 principles that help to avoid drama in life...not to avert it, but to stop it before it gets crazy.
I'll give you the concepts, and see what you think
1. Be impeccable to your word...ie..integrity...do what you say
2. Assume nothing
of any situation or anybody
if you don't know why someone would or wouldn't do something..ask as opposed to making up reasons why in your mind..this is the root of gossip/rumors, and creates massive havoc in the world
3. Take nothing personally
someone can rag on you, or even give a compliment - the key to this is recognizing how you feel inside about it, and compare that to where someone is coming from in saying what they're saying..even positive remarks can be misleading sometimes
4. Do the best you can
given your situation
meaning..we all know what our best is when we have time, energy, resources available...but when we don't, we still think we can achieve the same level, and kill ourselves trying to make it happen. In those situations, when you're exhausted physical/emotionally, recognize what you can put out, and be okay with that, and don't be afraid to be honest with others that you can't do something for them at the level they demand, even if it is just for a meeting. This is a deep honesty and respect for yourself and your health, which is essential to being able to deal with anything in your life clearly. See how these ideas sit with you in your situation, and if you have any questions, fire away.
You're awesome Laura, and a very strong soul. You apparently have a major duty/role in this world to communicate messages to the masses, and it takes a strong person to do this. Glad it's you - MA
I have also been working on a memoir of my life, this has been advised for years and years..and its allot of work, mental work and memory work. I received a very nice email today personally from Jane Friedman, yes the writer who gave me some tips, on writing a memoir, the article Jane provided me reads: