Dysfuntional Journal-Weekly

I decided to wait till I had more material before putting this blog up-

It was a full week to say the least. I received a contract working at UBC, working with a specific child. The week was a delight! The school is high in academics and the first to have 85% of children not born in Canada. The classes are university classes, and at the same level.

I felt all week I had re entered university and I feel like a new person. I am learning politics(which up until now, I never had a interest for) I am basically doing all the work load the child is-this is because of the certain disability he has-Its exciting! I am also part of the sports- which includes this year, skiing, down and cross country, football, soccer- I am required to bring a PE Strip and wear my special name tag as well. Lunch is in the village and  its just enlightening to be there-I find myself entering my workday earlier, leaving later and taking the workload home as well-because it is all so exciting.

The weekend I decided to do the grouse grind for the first time, this was a weekly event I created to network, pretty sure I was on crack when I decided on this-It was HELL!

I was able to complete the grouse grind in a hour and 35 minutes-pretty good for a first time, I invited over 100 people. One person showed up..now I know why.

I did not really know who this person was, I met them once at a function-At 10am on Saturday I was approached by a handsome man, they came up and said, " Laura?"

Then I remembered, great guy I met at a well know New Years Yearly bash another friend puts on.
So off we went. I almost died a few times-He said "you won't need that coat or shirt, I suggest sunglasses in the bag, Ill do the water carrying. He took off most of his clothing, he was ripped and I felt silly in my tank and under developed girl arms, that giggle at times. He waited for me , however I was only allowed a 2 min break, and small amounts of water-once you stop its worse. half way, ear popping and slight vertigo- I got 5 Min's and he encouraged me all the way to the end.

Once sitting overlooking the amazing views, a little disappointed my entire posse didn't show up-well, we got to know each other. The man was in late 40's but looked no older than 30-no kids, no long term relationship..just drifting threw Vancouver's fast lane behind the tailcoat of a well known male socialite-
He stated he never really dates????

Then he gave me some tips on men in Vancouver:

 If you are a weekday girl-meaning the guy you like only calls you to get together during the week-don't expect it to last, if the guy is not willing to book you in on Fridays and Saturday's, hes still looking for something better, with his boys. If the man is really interested you will become a priority and then you'll meet his boys.

Late night work, means drinks with the men at Joe Fortes, late night hockey means it starts at 8, then drinks with the boys, golf in the morning, means get the fuck out by 8am..
If the guy tells you, "I tend to flirt allot" , this means he is telling you, don't fucking get attached to me.
In short this means your just here till someone better comes along- Wow, did I have allot to learn!!

However Mike(we will call him that) Just needs to change his routine-been doing the male socialite scene for over 10 years, its fun and great-but lonely. We talked about that a bit.

A few weeks ago him and his posse were out with "Smiles"- he is the crowd pleaser, the flirty the highly over metro sexual man-probably trims his pit hairs and goes for manicures, always a hug and a kiss hello-this is a nice guy, great guy (Just don't get involved with the guy) Anyway..Mike goes out, Smiles is smiling doing his thing-Mike sees a attractive female, eyes exchange all night-but Mike is rather shy-and does not approach the girl, quite the opposite of Smiles- At the end of the night, Mike is approached by the women with, "Your a fucking Dush bag" She thought he was too high and mighty to chat-then at the end of the night she latches on again, coarse Mike thinks shes crazy now, which she most defiantly is.

So is it all men? No there are some fucked up women out there- I am starting to hear the trickle of some of my female acquaintances, I also want to say things-but just don't want to offend-so I don't say anything.

I knew a girl who dated a socialite in Vancouver, and she was bent on finding him cheating, so she waited outside a bar where his car was parked for over two hours (hello stalker) why put yourself through torture- you would not catch me dead doing that! If you are bent on the guy cheating, well guess what? he is.
If my gut was telling me something like this-Id boldly ask straight out. If the answer is not what I want to hear(meaning I think he's lying, then I have lost my trust and well, its over-you'll never hear from me again-guaranteed. If I have no reason to mis trust well why think stupid thoughts anyway?..right? right said Fred.

Another friend clearly has dependency issues with men they have started to date for a few simple months, and then is completely shattered when its over. However she never talks about the other men she is dating at the same time?? So "your shattered that so and so is out of your life, but you have three others still on the back up? I am a serial monogamist-I cant even have a one night stand properly-it is not the way I am wired.

It takes allot for me to be shattered, and two months of a shit man-is kinda like..next, or later. Life is short to not be honest with who you get yourself involved with or pretend you are something you are not. You cant change people. The single males in Vancouver who have been single forever and cant hold a relationship longer than a few months speaks volumes to me-Or there are the men that are so caught up in routine they are scared to make sacrifices. I work crazy hours-I might as well be a man in the working field, when I do make sacrifices its huge. It typically means serious shit.

I don't really seek out men till they make contact with me first-If someone is interested, they will call and tell and make plans, I will be available or not, or I will simple say-I have decided to sit in my PJ's all night, Alone. I am pretty up front and bold.

I have learned in life to never expect anything..but to accept everything, Just spend time, do what makes you happy-This way you are never disappointed

If someone makes plans with me and I switch my schedule to make it happen and then they cancel-they are pretty much on my shit list- My work is very intense and because I am dealing with people, its not like a retail store where they can just find anyone.

I decided to double book shifts to clear up some debt, make way for a trip and have a nice birthday.
So this week I started my 4-10 shifts, so my day is ..630-wake eat shower- leave for UBC
Work 8-3, rush home feed walk dog then go to 4-10.

The residencial I am working in is a great one, it feels like my second home really. The people I work with amaze me all the time with their simplicity and how they remain content with what they have, what little they receive in funding and just a simplistic way of life with all their challenges.

However this week I was to work one night with a co-worker. We have chatted on the phone but never met-

You ever meet someone, that makes you really, I mean really take a hard look at your life?
I had met this person once at a training and I thought they were a goofy youth who had clearly gone threw
some sort of cancer treatment.

Tonight I met a funky attractive funny women-quite different looking from our first encounter.
As the evening progressed we talked a little about the cancer. This person is very young..exceptionaly strong-and I am not liberty to give details-but one thing that resonated at this moment of discussion was this.

"It's just me, I have no family, friends were too freaked out..its just me..and we go threw realizing we are going to die, and all you want is to be touched, but no one is touching you-all you can think about is recieving some sort of compassion."

As I sat their eyes welled up, like a deer in the headlights..I did not know what to do. My life problems suddenly seemed soo small.

This is a person who has several degrees and gave there life to others and hers seems cut short.

Her descriptive words will resonate with me all night. Emotions can be similar on many different levels..
I hope to become a friend to say the least.

Change Is happening...

Signing off


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