Positive Intention

Positive Intention

Wayne Dryer wrote a book with this title, great book, lots of great funny quotes in there.

I have a vast selection of books, mostly geared for eentrepreneurial guides. Some of the books for example are; Ambition is not a dirty word, 48 laws of power, Blink, 7 habits...Why men love Bitches, oh wait..that's not one of the books!

So I am starting to re-read them all-fascinating.

Sometimes we work to live..and we work n work n work..and forget about living!

I created a tool for myself with the thought of positive Intention-

What do I want that is missing in my life, and what would give me a full life right now.

"I want to be very fit, I want to see my friends more, balance my budget, and see my mom more;

I want to fall madly in love, I want to find my inner child and be silly, paint more, garden more..

Do creative writing, finish my book. 

 It all seems way too much, and really it’s about time management.

So what do we do? We put it on paper, or try..

So I did a small funny time management calendar this week…Oyi

I set 4 days for gym and 3 for yoga

3 days for friends

2 days for relatives

2 days for house and finance & grocery shopping

2 days for creative outlet

4 days for a man in my life

5 days of work

You can clearly see what is most important to me, by looking at the numbers.

The key is to assume all this is going to take place, and to be very specific-

So times are very important- it can be a very full day.

For an example:

Monday

Gym 6am, work 8-3

Man 7pm

It looks quite simple doesn’t it?

In reality, on my schedule it looks like this:

6am-eat (I call this nutritional intake, because I hate eating or doing anything else for that matter in the morning- in the morning I have to swallow 6 pills, or take a shot in my belly- with the pills, you have to eat first.  I have never been good at pills and they are huge- so a very large glass of water has to be taken also. This process takes a whole 15-20 minutes. It is the reality of Diabetes.  This is 6 times a day.  I come to realize missing a week here and there really does not benefit me anymore-therefore-the program is back in full swing.

I swore to my doctor during the physical. Blood Reading was below 4.

630-730 Gym-shower at the gym- the problem with this is the hot tub looks so inviting after, as well as the steam room-Even with all the hairy south eastern men, so even thou I put down a hour, its is actually longer.

800-Run home walk n feed dog

830-3 work (My 15 minute break and lunch are consumed with the nutritional intake and note taking on the progress I have made for the day with the child I am working with)

3pm dog walk and give pets

330-Snack and Nutritional intake

4pm-prep lunch for next day

5pm-Dinner

530 nutritional intakes

(4 days out of 7 I get called in for a 4-11pm shift and possibly an overnight shift)

6pm dog walk n pets (If I am not available, I have two dog nannies with house keys that can come with a phone call)

7pm meet man for delightful play

In past while dating the promised 7pm was more like.."Hi I’m running late": 9pm

I would sometimes call and cancel, "Can we meet two days later? I got called for overtime, its 40 dollars an hour." This is perfectly fine if you are in a established relationship and you are putting your earning jointly with your partner.

On a very rare occasion-yeah I made it! And the cloths are ripped off. – This was well over a year ago.

8pm-stop delightful play and do the nutritional intake

10pm- tell man you need to sleep

6am-leave man lying naked and alone, or on a rare occasion, because he’s pissed I’m so late-the man will prompt me to stay-in this case I am late anyway by two hours because I have to pack a bag and the dog.

Yes that is a simple day- Right? See the changes we need to make here-this will not work.

For my friend's days-2 days are Grouse Grind and Lynn Valley meet-ups

Tuesday is chick flick day..This idea will solve my entire problem! I can see them all at once and still make the other demands of my day because it’s so early! Eureka!

….but it goes like this

6am-eat

630-730 gym-showers there

830-3 work

3pm dog walk and pets

4pm-5pm yoga

6pm-dog walk n pets

630-find cute outfit that out does all the friends

7pm meet at the movie

9pm-grab a tea or night cap

9-930-discuss girl’s night out at the bar

10pm-go home, call a girlfriend, about another girlfriends outfit and create un-necessary drama for one of the females in the group.

OK..First off I don’t do this, however it does happen and you have to plan for this in the time management because. 1.) Woman are caddy and 2.) There is always someone that doesn’t do something right. This can affect then, your sleep schedule and put the whole thing fucking in the shitter.

Two days are for my mom-which is always rushed-this because I am driving most of the time to the various locations that she cannot decide on.  Once at destination, it is two hours of what I should and shouldn’t do and then how shitty her life is. At the end of the visit, there is laughter and I love you's.  I then speed off in my car and smoke 6 cigarettes. (That was over a year ago)

Two days are for laundry, finance, grocery shopping and all the other crap with it.

Currently I find this huge mess on my only day off-and then I just lie to everyone I have to work, because running in and out of the house to job to job does this. Sometimes I will sit in the mess and sleep for a day, walk around in PJ’s, watch a movie...

However I really think that my new system will work out just fine.

But now if I add the invites and events and casual shifts, well it just fucks up the whole plan.

So I am still trying to come to terms with my new schedule-

September 1^st will be the day of my new challenging life..I call it "The day I was born!" That is a great song by the way.

So it’s important I figure this out.

This is why sometimes I become a hermit-it’s all just too much-

I really feel I should be doing the 4 hr work schedule or whatever the guy’s book is called.

Today was my first day of paying a real fee for a therapist, 135 dollars for 1 hour.

Now I know why rich people are happy to say they have their own personal therapist.

Really? I am thinking I should do this for a living.

It was interesting to say the least.

I had prepared myself not to cry-

Ever see a little kid when they cry so much they can’t talk and stuttering, and it’s really cute?

It’s not very cute with an adult-and the worst part is when you leave the room-because there are people outside the office. Yeah this was worth the 135 bucks, for SURE! Not. I will remember to bring my Betty ford glasses next time.

Anyway-I have to go back, this is what grief counseling is about I guess. It sucks, but at least I can joke about it. The first thing she asked me was, “so what seems to be the root of why you are here today?”

I replied, "I am here, in hope that you will stop the uncontrollable crying at random inappropriate times”

She said, "and this is over the death of your father?"

I said," I don’t know what the hell it is?? "That’s why I’m here- I could be in a grocery line buying tampex and I just start crying for no reason and don’t even know why. "I don’t even realize my face is wet."

"I could see a friend I have not seen in a week and cry, commercials I cry, my clients being cute I cry-THIS HAS TO STOP!"

She said, "well the time of your period is hell, no women deserves to bleed like they were stuck with a pin it’s a pretty good reason."  I then laughed.

She asked “So you realize you are crying?”

I said "sometimes I don’t."

“Do you have a pill that will dry the shit up?”

She then laughed and said, "no-it appears you are holding stuff in and are about to explode."

Hahaha…that is an understatement, this has actually been happening with little mini explosions for the last month.

The hour seemed like 5hours. I did good research, she’s good. There was no past family crap that developed me into who I am today-it was here and now. (Although she did say that would be later)

Although I still cannot see the process fixing itself yet.

So back to my schedule, this is achievable! You know the book-Don’t sweat the small stuff? Sometimes the small stuff can consume ones day if you break it down in time and numbers. Mr. Big..Said “no agenda”

Well this is exciting thought isn’t it? If I had no agenda, I think I’d lose it- maybe I will have no agenda for a day to see what it feels like.

I can say one thing I have been doing. I have been just saying how it is.

“Can you?”

“No I can’t”

“Why are you working?”

“No, I’m not-I’m not moving, I do not feel like seeing you.”

“I do not feel like doing any of your shit.”

“Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

“Because I turned it off”

Also I have been not doing anything extra at work-

This has defiantly pissed a few people off. I was the manager and am now a casual

I am asked to do almost all the paperwork, and responsibilities of the high behavior clients.

I left due to stress, I am not doing my old job- I am not getting paid for it, and I will start this, clearly.

Yup this is the new me!

It is the last weekend of summer- I have tonight a night of debauchery and delight.

Tomorrow, is my first day back at the Gym and Yyoga –

Wish me Luck!

I rather like it.

Gvix Signing off