Jun 24, 2012

Just A Girl...Mr Big in Vancouver...

"Oddly enough, I booked Dubrovnik and Prague" "BTW it was supposed to be with you"
Mr Big texts... Just A Girl responds, "Why isn't it?" 

This is how the conversation started, we had recently talked about running away together to Europe or some other far off land, to escape the troubles and mundane pace of Vancouver..the problem was, discussions with Mr Big..always became real..and then what? 

It had been years....
"Where would sushi go, who would look after Martian..how would the bills get paid? It was always nice to dream of running off and having everything covered..but this would not cover the real life at home...however in this conversation..Just A girl, or rather myself was facing the fear or was it the horror of possibly hearing that Mr Big may actually consider marriage, not with Just A Girl...but with someone else. 

Me, I, ..Just A Girl, hastily writes her explanation of long over due nothingness in hopes..or at least mending
past mistakes, and what she..or rather I come up with is this, and hope he will travel well with happiness...because once married..well.. friendships tend to dwindle.

remembering and answering....

When you met me, I was quite broken...I think you knew that..and you showered me with everything.
I did not have a chemistry with you because...I fall in love with personalities..and it took me awhile to see you, after my 7 year relationship.

You did many things that were warning signs to me, and so yes my guard was up. The women, the trips..the comments. the fast life..

After Chicago ..I was overwhelmed with sadness, one because of lack of educating myself to educate my children of possibilities...and well..I just could not turn back time...we were in a room with 3 other people so it was hard for me to turn toward you and tell you what I really felt.
I was truely in awe of that trip, and that you chose me to share it with you...I wanted to take every memory..
I did not want to leave nothing behind.

New York..I thought it would be something it was not..I was finally going to tell you...but you got wrapped up in conversing with my friend and quite frankly I got jealous and acted very poorly. I was by that time...realizing that...everything you told me was not special with me...

I will always love you...always. you and I do not know if we have chemistry or passion, because it simply just did not go there. Except for the change room at the Lucky store...for once...you actually acted on your feelings..but left it at the door.

I never let my guard down all this time...there is reason...
You associate everything with money...it was hard for me, even if I accepted your gifts...

once again, you have someone else in your heart...

It may have seemed I used you..or..took you for a free ride or whatever you want to think...as you mentioned a few years back in a angry tantrum.  The fact is...you never came to my house, you never let me cook you dinner...you never saw the true me, on my terms..in my simple life...
Yes you arranged for seasoned booked seats at GM for my children, but you never knew them.

You treated me as another person to fill your time with...and this is the only reason I never slept with you, after all that you did that was so wonderful. I truly felt I could not trust anything you did or said.

Had I felt trust and that you were really in my life...things would have been much different.
I always came to you. You never came to me.

Everything you talked about was you and where you were going...I could never have possibly kept up...
the truth is, I do not need what you have-

It is nice that you have created a future for you and little bean, that you have social status and are , well who you are, A person does not need all that you have to be proud of who they are.
You always wanted me to be more than what I am....But what if I am happy with who I am? I am not living my full dream yet, and that's ok...I will find my path.

 I  would accept you just as you are in plain cloths...do you not see this?

I myself, never had extravagant things really..and you wanted to wow me so much...that I really got wrapped up in it, it quite frankly was a little to much to take.

But this never changed who I felt you were...quite frankly..the most honest sweetest man ever. with a true heart.
If there was ever a emergency number I  had to give, or a executor to my will....it would always be you.

I will never be second....

the man I just spend two years with, I found out was waiting for someone else...I had no idea, I thought I had met..the one.
I had to put my tail between my legs and leave the sail team ..I had to suck it up..everyone knew but me. oh silly me.

I was not told by my boyfriend, I was told by a race team member.
I opened my heart again, and dated a man for 4 months...FAIL.

I have let this all go, but what I truly value..is myself. I will not settle for less. ever.

I seem to attract men that are not happy and want to tell their sordid tales about there current relations with the women in there lives,...continue to assume I am a back up...recently I was told I am viewed as sex, not home.
wow.

I currently have 4 X relationships as friendships..you included..

The man I am meant to be with will find me-

Follow your heart Mr Big...if its SeaBass...I am glad you know where you need to be.
If it was me, Seabass would not be a discussion.
Italy and Croatia are waiting for us one day...but there is never a rush.

I am not...someone you want to be with anyway.
I simply do not meet the criteria...social standing...Vancouver housewife...
I am a humanitarian...trying to leave my foot mark..and its very green.

How does the story end with Mr Big and the girl in Vancouver...
Well....it hasn't really started. has it?
Shall it be...he saves the princess?..the forgotten of fables of yesterday?
Mr Big says " I believe in fairy tales, you should too"
I am sure you can wait for the book.

Just A Girl.....

Definition of SeaBass: Any fish of the sea used for fish food,  bi product. 



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