Dysfunctional Journal-Random Rantings
Even thou I am writing a new blog that is about purpose and morals and integrity, and the people I feel that reflex this, I am not going to change my own thought process and what I think is downright funny-which is; my life and the experiences I seem to come across. So I have to always share..
You have a pretty strong personality on your hands here. People seem to think my thought process is quite funny..so here are some thoughts I had today.Lets talk about Facebook for awhile here.
You ever date someone once on Facebook, and then there is no chemistry but for some reason they are your friend and they comment on every fucking photo?So you see the notification, and you are like +shit what are they saying, about me?" you realize its just a stupid thumbs up. Another topic, you see your friend posing themselves half naked, and you think, shit they should really work out or something? I guess its what we are attracted to, my last boyfriend had a belly, but to me was a hunkarama..so..it's kindof a blessing in disguise.
I did go on a date with one man for example, and there was chemistry, but it just did not happen with this one particular male, I see him on chat. I ask "hows the new relationship going? "I think its over" he says. I ask why. "shes not over her X and I am second" I pause..been there. We chat for a bit, then he says, excuse me I need to masturbate.
Its like that hit movie, Due Date, and the dude just starts masturbating, well this friend proceeded to send me a pic of him cross legged, dick in hand, and says"for you" Who the hell wants to see that????
All I could think of was Gee Thanks. not so much.
So you ever text drunk? my drunk text was " I'll settle for a Man Boob!"
Drunk texting is really not something you should ever get in the habit of doing. Especially when you text your X that you'd settle for a man boob. However I did not only send it to my X..I vaguely remember texting it to the first person that started with a K, it was some dude in surrey I vaguely remember ever chatting to.
The dude from surrey say's, "sounds fucking good to me"Yuck, I remember going oh fuck, so then I sent it to the X , the next K in the list, Wrong! but I thought I sent it to the same dude in surrey so I went to myself"WHY CANT I SEE!!( because your drunk G)
I finally send it to the correct person, who was my dear friend in Terrace, when we are bored, we sometimes flirt- he wanted a boob shot, but of coarse, why do people ask for a boob shot, when I clearly have no boobs? so I asked for a man boob.
The best text pic I ever got was him saying, shit I hurt my foot, and its a shot of his foot toward the camera, but you can see his wang hanging out the side of his shorts-never laughed so hard in my life- as I said in previous its a on going joke.
Have you ever talked to super granola people? These are persons that have extreme beliefs in mother earth,
injustice and human rights to live free, and ..sometimes smoking large amounts of pot. I sometimes wonder if I am just a sick person when I talk to these beautiful people? I tend to have a calling to this type of community from my mother, but I also am pretty black n white also.
One little lady I recently chatted with, said she was on a strict diet, I said ohh..cleanse? no she says, I said oh you cant be on a diet you have a amazing figure, no..then she say "Candida, have you heard"
Well yes I have, medically speaking this is mass over production of yeast into the body that creates all sorts of problems for women, first sign of diabetes type two and can be quite a issue for many women.
I just said polity, yes I am familiar.
In Gvixens terminology, your crotch smells like a fish, and it's horrible. go pick up some fer da snatch. (FDS) Feminine deodorant spray. My thought process is just well , is it wrong? Am I a bad person? Why do I think about these things in this way? Actually you can change your diet, but it will come back, unless you see a doctor.
Its like people that fart and say its a natural body function and don't even laugh-If you want to hear the funnest farting ever-just go to yoga, I almost lose it every time-no one laughs..LOL
you hear it and no one cracks, One time I had to leave the area, and go to the bathroom to have a gut wrenching laugh-I am sure they could hear me all the way down the hall. How could you not laugh??
Do I have Potty humor? Maybe.
I am not sleeping, Just so you know. I am lonely and at the same time do not want to be with anyone- My life coach recently said "And how can you reach that beautiful relationship you so want to have?" at the time, my comment was, " Go meet Micheal have a wicked time?"..:D Which I did.
and she repeats...So you feel that forgetting how you feel and going out to meet Micheal will help you?"
I hate that !!! No! I don't want to forget but but, sitting here bored is not going to bring me "My beautiful Relationship!!!!!? I hate hearing my own words, I hate it!!!
I just want to be able to come home and cuddle dam it, eat a nice meal with someone I care about, put on a wicked movie, walk the fat dog, then go to bed. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My life coach is referring to feeling of regret, hurt n loss- yes, I am still dealing with this as well..I do things the hard way. Unfortunately. I do not move forward until I find my own closure. I am working on this very hard.
The actual message was , you cannot control the behaviors of others, you can only control yourself and your own path, by giving love in the past-this is good, so go forward. she said all the right stuff, and it made me mad.It made me mad because I just want shit fixed. Trying to re-direct your behavior process is very hard, I will be teaching a class on this soon-the reason its so hard is because for most of the time, people have deep rooted crap-which leaves them feeling un-worthy of a good life, unworthy of the great opportunity life has to offer.
For example what is the cause of death? It is us, we choose to die everyday. This is a proven fact.
It gets better, I received a call from a long time friend, unexpectedly. I was on facebook, as it so happens and I get a HI!!! This is my husband I married in the 1800's. The knight who did exist and came and saved me from all bad thoughts and harm. cared for me and loved me. Yes, he's married.:(
I met him and had a immediate connection, I make it a rule to not get involved in a friendship or otherwise basis, to married men that have a attraction. I will get involved as a friend, if I am friends with their wife, and then I just have a blind eye. Its just a old fashioned thing. I met this person in kind of a single setting-go figure. Anyway, he just called to tell me I was fabulous, wonderful and I deserve the world. and ..he had a friend. ugh.
I will probably never meet his friend. nuff said. dammit.
I have recently been asking myself how the male population that I have come across recently, just randomly fuck people without feeling nothing. Then just move on. For example; my friend was dating someone and it was going great, after 4 to 6 months she was trying to get a definition on the relationship. The man would not really give her one. So she broke it off. and he said, OK. That was it. What happened to communication in this world? Confrontation, battle, make up sex fucking real life here? Its crap. That's what I say full crap.
If a man is not present, there is no point making stupid excuses of why- I have to repeat this on a daily basis to a vast majority of my female friends. And myself. The thing you can do is be present to yourself.
So to be clear, What is Present? well it is not texting, emailing or discussing. I mean I do do this, because I am a writer, but I am sure as shit not present. Over the last few months, rather than making plans in via texts that I have to scroll down to find, I make a date-via voice with my friends. Voice is confirmation, visual is real-Actions speak louder than words.
I think that communication is key, and as a friend recently posted, "It is better to tell the truth and make someone cry, than lie and make someone smile" I am tired of wimpy people.
To all the men out there -you do know that, we will probably move on to something better than you , right?
Vancouver has a vast amount of women, I have found the majority of males in Vancouver, simple have too much selection, and therefore feel they are entitled to be a ass. Sad really.
Shit I'm drunk. No I am not an alcoholic, promise. I just have been recently so bent on not drinking and getting healthy that when I do drink I'm fucked-so this will defiantly not be published till another day.
Which is today, March 13th.
That was my dysfunctional weekend rant