Dec 17, 2011

Dear 2011-Goodbye

Dear 2011-

Thank you for the memories, and the friends I will carry into the new year. I have to say I am glad you are over.  I have learnt many lessons in your year, but have come to realize 11 is not a good number for me at all.

I made new friends and fell madly in love and learnt new sports...I advanced in my work..cleared some debt. These are the positives you gave me 2011. I bid you good-bye forever. If I make resolutions on Jan1st they probably will not happen...So today is a New Day. Possibly the first day I was born.

Today is my New Years...

It started with meeting a beautiful person. He came at the tail end of November-I am not sure if he will be in my New Year, I hope so.




It is shocking to have sex after almost 5 months, and in the moment you are realizing ..OMG I have having sex!
Then in the end, you feel weird..and say..:/ "Great Sex?" The first actual date on a dating site got into my pants-not much room to be yourself or exploratory-hence I was probably a shitty lay.

Boy I feel like a loser..lol, I mean there were a few dates first.....It may have been the dessert date, or the PJ sleepover..or maybe the fact that he had very kissable lips..

I realize..what the fark had I been waiting for? I am beautiful and amazing and I need love in my life.
The person was creative, talented and had dreams he talked about...lived in the lifestyle I wished to be in..
But no goals..and bouncy castles..I now know that "Goals" are something society tells us we need to do to be achievable and have self worth.

You can acquire this better with dreams...and then they have more meaning and purpose-being frustrated in my mundane little life, I probably said the wrong thing"No Goals?, how can you not have goals?" maybe it was the manager in me, maybe it was my own feeling's of feeling like a reject to persons I thought cared about me , once again in past tense-It was stupid and took me a few days to realize I criticized someone, horribly.

Conversations, such as Bouncy castle research, 14k gold plated cock and a rubber ducky shower curtain made into a suit, are conversations that someone is trying to have with you to "lighten the mood, and make you laugh"?? I hope so, but was taken aback when I asked how their day was and they said, ohh..just researching bouncy castles-maybe they were hoping Id write about it, my first thought was "Event?"
Nope he just wants one, weird childlike behavior? possibly, he called himself eccentric. I like weird n eccentric actually, makes life more interesting.

My work days are often intense, and sometimes a little much for a person to take in all the information, that I went threw in a day. therefore, maybe this was just a silly conversation-My friend stated it was a conversation piece, well that is positive the man is a crowd pleaser. I take back the weird Michelle Jackson visuals I had!

So dating..hmm..I think not, I already started something, and its kindof comfy, like old shoes- see what happens with that one, until then we have to get back to the happiness project.

I said good bye to my family for the year of 2011-They are not my problem..but I seem to be there's..
Note to self, do not be around persons who criticize you and hurt you. In the end, you can only hope they miss you.

A list recently has given me some insight to my life..I listed 7 problems- and I am to address them all head on. List them in the form of the ones you can achieve first and quickly.


  • Problem 1-Mostly Done


My health- Well 2011, you gave me one shit year in the health department- Pneumonia, adult chicken pox,
a cyst on my ovary and a bronchial infection. I thank you for the months of pain I enduring to have all porcelain teeth however-100% dental is awesome, yup got rid of the silver.

I kicked smoking for almost 3 months in 2011, relapsed several times while drinking- 2011 you can take your fucking cigarettes and and shove them up your ass.

I got a gym pass in November and I am still going-so we will take that over into my new year- I feel I am getting very healthy, my wellness is not so good however. I seem to have sadness. not depression, lets not confuse the two..but deep sadness..and the only thing that helps is when I can go look at the sky or go for a hike..read or write.. This I am still working on.


  • Problem 2- In the works


Living situation

A) Couch surf for a year-free of rent, stuff in storage
B) new apartment, with proper outlets and a proper shower, and no noise.

Well I decided on both- Jan 1 me and the awesome kid of mine,are moving to a new apartment.
I am looking into leaving in June-If I get called to a camp, sooner- Either way, I only have till June
and then I will be kid free!!


  • Problem 3-Self Worth



Well its pretty shitty when you are dumped, and then dumped on again by your family-
its a hard one to get you back to being the pillar in life-this of coarse happened in 2011-
So now it being my new years I did a tally of all the personal who love me, who would have in in their home like family, who would pick me up dust me off, who would come over and do me..kiss me love-
All the persons, that truly will be with me forever.
22 Girlfriends, 12 male friends, 3 bootie calls If Mr Purple breaks, so far hes doing pretty good, (maybe stick with the old shoes for awhile) and 5 relatives. 4 work associates
That's pretty fucking good-I think I got this covered, whew a shrink wont be needed.


Problem 4-Finance- Workin on it

Well 2011, you gave me the world of Bankruptcy- I say Fuck you debt! I refuse to worry about it.

So, for Xmas 2011, I took joy in Baking-:(..sewing..and things old persons do that have no life.
Merry Christmas friends n family, feel free to re-gift this year.;
My Christmas 2012 however, hopefully I will be somewhere hot.

Problem 5-Work vrs Dreams- Few Ideas


Problem 6-Family Relationships- This has to wait a year.

Problem 7-Love- I do not think I can be in love properly until my shit is fixed. If it happens before or comes in the middle and stays 110%..then its possible. But really-we all want to start fresh, and forgive the past to move forward. Sometimes Love comes anyway, when you aren't ready, and it gives you the big fucking stink eye- I mean if it comes now in the middle when I am planning..moving..working like a dog..it can happen.. that person  might just think your great enough to stick around, even if you can only give a little.

So I had a good cry saying goodbye to you 2011-you will be missed and possibly never forgotten-
It is time for my Journey. Its a big one.

I deleted my POF account-dont know why i convinced myself to go on it again-
However I will be attending their annual dance tonight, and I should have lots of bloggable notations..lol
Stay Tuned..

GVIxen
:)

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