Oct 27, 2011

The World of Dating...Again

Ugh...I hate dating..



Fortunately I am involved in enough activity to meet people where I don't have to go to the web, however I did and remembered why I hate online dating. So its been about 3 years since I visited..and the same dam guys are on there..That says something in a nutshell.


Am I ready for this.. have no idea. I do know I want to be crazy in love again! I decided to do a simple profile and leave it for a few days, try my luck. I was quite overwhelmed at the response I received. I cannot say it was like picking candy unfortunately...more like deletion of 200 and finding 5 persons that may be eligible to meet. I chose 1.


Then you add that to the 5 set-ups from friends and events..and well you got overload. You even up meeting none!! HAHAH Then there is the rumor through the agency you work for that you are single..no one looks at you the same.


"You look nice today" What crack did you take JB, I am in my sweatpants like every other day.
"Cant a person tell you you look nice?" JB says "Get to Work", is my response.
Or last week, coffee was put on for me everyday..I said what are you guys hoping for a Starbucks reward card?


On Wednesday last week..I left my day timer at work, so I am planning some outrigger, some winter sports..and I see.."Take JB for a haircut" in the month of November...I look again..so I flip threw...DH needs his dry cleaning picked up..
JR..Dinner, unknown time .


I come in..there are all smiling..I acted like nothing, like I saw nothing..I'm gonna let it sit for awhile. Fuckers.


So I have a few dates lined up..concert..in another town..brunch date..coffee date.. However I am pretty selfish with my time.. I realized that the things I was upset over, when my last relationship ended are actually bonus.


I don't have to pre-pack a overnight bag. I don't have to go out of my way to do anything..or pick up sweet things for anybody-just myself. My dog wont miss me. I can get up early, head out to whatever I want and not worry about what I look like-a class..the beach..a run..


When I get home late..I can continue to stay out late without having to constantly entertain someone.
I am enjoying my girlfriends very much..


I have extra money-I realized I'm a pretty good friend to have around!  Some of my new female relationships like that, I am a tomboy so to speak,...lol..I raised two boys, guess I do boyz stuff. So when I mentioned I have a garage full of camp gear with new rods, I have to say some friends were keener I have these traits. 


Ok..the goodz...It hasn't started off well. First time out with girlfriends..like really out-they had plans for me to tie one on...Most people have not seen me drunk. I prefer to keep it that way. My GF answers my cell..
Invites people from my cell to come give me a ride home-I live in van,..many of my friends live in valley.
After puking my guts out..there he is..6'4 dragon boat coach..Can I die now. Then I hear the next weeks comments..that's one hell of a hunky man..wow Laura..


This is a person I met once, super nice..intimidating a little..fortunate for me, we are friends.
I do know I felt more than embarrassed...The worse part in my drunk stat I kissed him thanks..on the mouth..after getting sick..Think I mentioned someone else s name a few times as well as my head was hanging out of his truck. real mature ...well..I cant do anything about it now. I think my zipper was open the entire time, and I am pretty sure I have not been that drunk since my dad picked me up at a party at age 16. 


The man was incredibly nice..drove me home,carried me to the door-went back and told my friends I was ok..


2nd interaction--my travel agent that has been planning my "Life Experiance TriP' desides to fly down to meet me and surprise me and book 3 days at the fairmont hotel with double beds... for the simple reason..I was tired, and broken for awhile. 


We agree we are friends and nothing will happen.Well how far can you get with someone who lives in another province. I had this gut feeling that his tale was a little too complicated, so nothing happened. I did have another evening...of horror on his last night...remember 40 yr old virgin..The chick..." Dam, I need some French Fries"
Yup..two drinks...ate a few fries, then hugged a tree and vomited. As I staggered in the hotel some guys were in the lobby..hooting and hollering..."you got a good one there buddy"...Oh the humiliation.


In the am..there was a 3 page note...valet parking for my car...His flight was at 5am..I never got to say good-bye. I do know he is a amazing friend, and for most of his stay...I did show him Vancouver...
I think..this is what he needed, me too..no sparks thou.


Time to get myself looked at for sure! Doc says apparently with all my vitimins and clear oxygen ..alcohol just hits me harder..and therefor I should not drink, or limit to very light alcohol.


The third interaction..I say Hi, to a attractive person, online. We text chat..agree on times to call-He doesnt call. This is very funny to the man, however not so funny to me given my work ethic. Do you meet someone after that, friends say no.
So I dont go-
Hes livid..we arrange for Friday-then he tells me hes only interested in sex?? and if I meet him thats what he'll get..lol...in a text..I cancel...then he cancels saying he's a bad person...go figure.
I say good bye..then he says no, wait Im interested..lets meet in the day.


I am thinking..in a wooded area...He also sent me pics in texts..I am thinking how many women has this guy shown his ass to? and why on earth do I want to see it? Shit, I keep looking at it thou...I guess I think its quite funny...Somehow I am addicted to the conversation, its challenging..I like a good fight. As a person how fixes behavior..this is exciting..lol to me. And quite ridiculous.
So the man has commitment and intimacy issues...that is a given. But who doesn't...really
I agreed to be a friend..ugh what else is new.


Seeing as I didn't know this person from adam..I played his game right back, but I won't give up my time for game playing. Worse part, besides the ridiculous conversation, he's a good match..According to his profile....UGH I hate dating.


So I messaged some old interests..that became Facebook friends over the years...screw this online dating crap. However my profile is still there and its interesting whom I may chat with next.


I feel Better to go into the familiar than the unknown I figure-Even with friends, its good to catch up.
This was successful..and seems I have more persons interested, than I thought, who knew me as ..buddy...co-worker..friend of a friend..at least I know I can talk about similar things, have a nice drink..go to a show, and go home alone with my morals in tact.


My friend CC says..the man for me will kick my ass up a mountain..have a warm home and invite me on a date that is respectful...I am still waiting , it seems that men in Vancouver, maybe have given up on being a respectful...creative or even fun...its the same; drinks...coffee..a walk...Just wondering where all the spark has gone to.


Mr Big( Character in my book, that is yet to be published)  invited me to a taste testing..The one thing about Mr Big..Is,  you will have a great time..You will feel warm and cuddly when you go home, and the conversation is educational. He can be that athlete you watch on the field, or the prince charming downtown.


I do not know how other women feel about this, but I find it intriguing when a man orders your dinner, pre plans the event and tells you how the evening will go. Then at the end, simply says..its been a pleasure, I hope you had fun-kiss on the cheek. You are his full attention during the evening. The invite in the end is never asked, but left to you. Mr Big would never ask for sex, a kiss or anything else. It is either a expectation with some-or it is left to you to make a move. This is the lesson of power. I being a dear friend , am told these things because I am the writer.


However Mr Big..always has another agenda....best to never say no. I reflect on him when I have made a wrong choice or wrong turn in life, I am sure he finds this quite flattering..but its true.
Lessons at Notradame in Chicogo..wow that was a wammy..dont worry it will be in the book.


The hard truth about his type of world, is I dont fit in it. For a night or a event, sure. I did not go to prep school, my dysfunctional family were all into trades, and are all separated and all over the map.. We all worked hard and suffered. The lesson is to not be a victim over it..If you play the victim you will be a victim..its to learn, and move to what makes you happy. I am a realist, and I don't see myself winning the lotto, being overly rich..so I will settle for the in-between.


One of the things I recieved in my past relationship was simplicity.


Cooking for each other..spending time and enjoying nature and simple things-this is were I fit. I remember one time he stole all the neighbours flowers and made desert for me after my shift-I had no idea till the morning that he raided the neighbours flowers to make the table espcially attractive for me, it was cute. I did not have to dress up...I did not have to impress anyone at that time, my company was enough. His cell phone, TV and computer was turned off..That is the warmth I seek.


Dont get me wrong I had many incredible outing dates with my last relationship..The nice thing is that they were a surprise. I didnt expect...He never had to break the bank to please me..but always made sure I was pleased and surprised-That takes creativity!


As I have moved on from this heartache, I learned some new things..about myself.
I will not settle for less. I delveloped some incredible male friends over the years, 3 are employees of mine-They have taught me, it is just as hard for them as us women in Vancouver. I have heard the storys!


One man, who has been single for a very long time..we had a very intresting conversation. Background:
35ish, very attractive..works two jobs..last girlfriend passed away. He asked...So Laura..you know my condo.., I remember his excitement on renovation putting bamboo flooring in,..I said yeah..this is a loft condo on the water...had a water wall in it..gorgous..he says, "so if a woman
moves in with you, what do you think a prenup? "I said well give me some detail here-
he says, well you know I work like crazy for my place..I believe in looking after my women, but what, I let her move in and then half is hers..is that the deal here?


I said no, if she moves in, she should pay rent-she has to pay rent anyway, to live. She has no rights to your place-I really feel that women that go into a mans dwelling after the man has worked like a dog, and assume they are entitled to half,  is crap. If the woemn lives there for ten years and pays for half the cost of living-possibly. So we really got into it, he then says..what if she has a kid. I said so what! I said are you going to put aside 20% of your income for a diamond too? who comes up with these things?


I asked him, "does she work?"...he says, yeah for sure..but not like you. I said well my friend I am the unfortunate exception..probably be 80 and still working..I said the dreams of my prince charming coming on the while horse died in 1989, when my first son was born, and I realized the knight pillaged and raped before he got to the princess. Died of a horrible disease, possibly syphilis. A vague memory of my past.


We choose our own paths in life, and I could, find the guy with riches...or I could struggle and have character..I could just think about who I want to be really be with and be exceptionally picky-
Sure who doesn't need a break-I do. So you find a happy balance...you give each other breaks.
Work Hard, Play hard.


So my employee, decided to give me a ride home. He drove in silence. He looked very tired, I knew he pulled a 16hr shift, half, at our work. I know he is a good man. I also knew that who ever he was with-
Does not see the value.


The point in all this...I have a amazing full life..I am not perfect. I really though things were shit, the last month..stress at work, finances.. me not being able to move quick enough to the location I want, .the hours at work..my car not being on the road, getting sick.


I have fun at work..the guys are great! The walking this week was good too to be outside, with the exception transit makes me nauseated. I got a tad sicker due to weather. I know Im not going to die tomorrow..I have more than most. The fact that's its challenging will make it all more awesome in the end.


So how serious is the dating; "Looking to date but nothing serious...at age 50..Bill....lol
Fred is not looking for any comitment, just dating....


I dont know about any of the other women from mid thirties to early fortys, but I dont want to be just dating at 50. If thats in the cards..I guess thats in the cards..but I sincerely know that will not be my case. If it is I will be living in Bali or Belize in a fucking hut.


My cat is clearly facing mid life crisis, hes making love to my bag..the dog just isnt a good enough companion for him..We accept dogs and then end up caring for them..why do we do that?


I havent done that in he last 4 yrs but..many of us do at some point in life, I'm over it. If I do accept a dog..it will be a high breed, ..pretty much can think and operate on his own. Do tricks..like clean up his own shit.


So there ya have it..Dating Sucks..Dont look..they will come to you..


Signing off..
GVixen











3 comments:

  1. Awesome! So glad you started writing again.

    A

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  2. Then again, you could still be where you were with 6 kids living in a trailer. Girl you didn't fit in. Now you are where you fit in.

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  3. It was 4 Kids, A mom and Dad, A dog, two turtles, three cats a few birds-Hence I like being alone!
    I don't have to share a washroom, or bunk beds.
    Mother!!

    ReplyDelete