Sep 1, 2011

Little Engine That Could....


Do you ever look back on things you said and realize to your horror you were a total hypocrite?
I have been doing allot of reading, including my past blog posts. In one of dating posts, I stated I hated emails and texts..and yet in times of pure fear that's all I do. Hypocritical!

I tell one of my friends the best advise of how to deal with fears and work situations, and I cant dish out my own advice for myself. This is always the case! You give amazing advice, but don't follow your own word!

I really need to take my own advice on a few things, cause as far as I know, people really value my ear, advice and the value of my company when they are going threw a hard time, I guess this is why my career is helping people.

Everything I told myself not to do, I did. I guess that's what happens when you fall in love, you go blind. My Guru friend says that after 6 months of being with someone, you are actually after that just living with images..not really the person. To reconnect and keep that first time wonderful feeling going you have to re-invent and re-invent. Weird people do this with voyeurism or swinging or they just get a divorce.

Relationships in work or love require change. In my career for example I was daunted by all the changes, overwhelming, I really have been put to test and to work over the last 6 months..but I can honestly say I am growing and by accepting this change this creates change in my staff and clients-for the better. Getting caught up in work and the fast pace..also made me realize I was neglecting the people most important to me. Sometimes, I just did not have time..and when you have been doing the same thing for so long on your own, how are you supposed to know?

Education and learning new things are always good. I could say the same with relationships in love and family..changes have to occur.

Once upon a time, I told my self-I will never fake it again..Play house so to speak, promise to promise..to promise-Give the cow up for free..Then I found myself being selfish-and wanting it all, just for the sake I would not have to wake up alone another day.

Where did I lose my values?

Now reflecting way back again..like 7 years back..In the year 2000, I played house, and I ended up with a kick in the ass..in more ways than one, the crap is still haunting me now. I realized after I lost my values.. no, in fact I did want a third child, that in fact I was undeserving of all the negativity that person brought to my life...and then some.

I can have a child still..If that was something I wanted to do.I have re-built myself in many areas, I can forgive and let go..I am much stronger than this person-this is why, it feels good stating so. I mention this because after 4 years, I am still cleaning up the mess.

Why do we make promises to ourselves after lessons learned and we somehow, may have taken a little of our expectations, but not the whole learning?..forgetfulness? I am not sure. We are so blinded we miss our values, morals and self respect to have a full happy life, this applies to career and love..

I think the reason I am discussing this now, is because I have had much reflection...I miss things....because I have come to realize a few things in the last few months, I am good at my career-I love my work. But I love having a life more-So changes are underway. It has been far to long that my career has taken precedent over family, love and friends. I also know that I have found Laura, the dreams I had when I was finding myself are still there, unfinished, some people in the last year have added to those dreams for sure-it is up to me to now make this all a reality.

I think I can..I think I can..said the little engine that could..

"I think I can, I think I can," puffed the little"Engine That Could," struggling against all odds to pull a stranded train up a steep hill. And, because it believed that it could, guess what? It actually did!

And, guess what else? Psychological research indicates a scientific basis for this inspirational little tale.

According to research done by social psychologist Albert Bandura in the 1990's, a psychological construct known as perceived self-efficacy
is a key determinant in, among many other things, the level of success a professional achieves in their work.


Today was a exceptionally hard day...but tomorrow is a new day!
Signing off
GVixen

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