Jul 25, 2010

The L Word


GVixen has been dating for a bit, and its usually around the 2 month mark, that I either sabotage the relationship, or just plain run. I have been reading a book by two ladies called The Rules, I started the bock a little late, so I broke some of the rules..lol, my goal was to see if a 1980's book with 1950's frame of mind still applies to the dating world here in 2010.

The ladies have some very good points-I have been following most of the rules with my current relationship and the book seems to ring true, however there are also some points that the ladies stat, if he does this....He's really not that into you.
This has gotten me off kilter a little, as my guy has done some of these things..I dare not tell however.When I am done the book I will post a full detailed account, It really is quite interesting and its all based on The One, The big catch..and talks about all the little ones in between.

So far the relationship of almost 3 months is going good! I have vertically no trust when it comes to love and relationships as my fellow fans know, however with this one I have decided to give in and let him lead all the cards, see what happens without changing myself or my schedule and see how long he puts up with it...so far so good.

The single GVixen, is still available in robotic form and I will still comment and inspire those in the dating world and still tell my tales of single living in Vancouver-I mean there is no ring on my finger, I'm not dead- I don't have a ball and chain..however everyone, I am traveling by Ford Edge to Winnipeg with the dude..If you do not hear from me by August 30th you may want to call the police..kidding aside..I think the guy is steller with a few quirks that are more amusing than annoying.

So its been a few months, and ones to wonder what next right? You travel back n forth to their place your place, you start to get into a comfy zone..and well then what?What is the alloted time to move forward and what to move forward too? I guess you discuss it and see what exactly each of you want. Its all really crazy, in my complicated life-how do I make this work? Sometimes in times of crazy schedule's and family life I feel like I am making a bootie call and I really hate that feeling. Sometimes I think he is wasting time too till he sees me next..crazy.

So in the rules its stats it is a good thing to be busy, I was thinking of planning quality time-because sometimes it can be 3-4 whole days before I see him- The rules says, NO absolutely not-
Do not do any baking, wifely planning or erotic adventures-The guy is to do all that...lol
They go on to say, if he really likes you he wont be able to stand being away from you-it will drive him nuts..I think I already do, however its not planned at all. I am quite creative in this area...I already broke the rules once or twice...ok I made some seed flax health nut muffins..
I may have cooked dinner...then there was the time,...yup I kinda bought some sexy underwear..
I think I messed up the whole thing!!!

So then! He took me on a trip and bought a elaborate gift-The rules says...this means nothing.
A guy once did the same thing and 6 months later said I am not In Love with you..
For one, if the guy never expressed the L word in the whole 6 months..she's a wing nut, I say.

Then there is the dreaded L word, like when do you say that? In times of Euphoria or when they are really sweet. Who says it first? I am pretty sure the guy does.

Here's what Dr Gail Saltz has to say on the topic:

You’ve been dating that special someone for a couple of months, then it happens, you say that simple phrase that can make or break any relationship: “I love you.” Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist and a “Today” contributor on relationships, gives you some advice on when’s the right time to say the “L” word.
It’s a romantic, even passionate moment. He’s been so giving and caring. He’s looking into your eyes, and you feel that mental and physical connection. You feel close, he gets you, and so you blurt out, “I love you.” And then he is silent. What a horrid and awkward moment. Now it all seems weird and uncomfortable. You feel humiliated. What have you done?
Actually, you’ve done nothing that millions of men and women who have been swept up in the rush of deep feeling and longing for that special someone haven’t done before. Unfortunately, when one person says “I love you” and it is too soon for the other, both can retreat from the relationship altogether.
The power of the “L” word is intense. It can bring such joy when two people are comfortable and ready to mean it. But it can sour a relationship, if one says it or if no one says it … ever!
What does love mean anyway? Sometimes the definition is murky. When you say “I love you,” you may mean that you feel close to your boyfriend, he seems right for you, and you want a future together. He may see saying “I love you,” as meaning that you have to get married. And if he doesn’t feel obsessed with you, then he may not think that he’s in love with you. Sometimes people confuse lust and love. Having great sex is terrific, but does it mean love?
Even more problematic is the person who is so uncomfortable professing their love that they’re terrified to say the “L” word. Children who grew up in a home never hearing “I love you” may have trouble with the concept of love. Or if they never heard their parents say the “L” word to each other, then they may feel uncomfortable saying it to their partners.
Someone who can’t say “I love you” may have a problem with commitment. He may see love as the shackle around his ankle and just won’t go there. On the other hand, some people use the “I love you” expression to reel in a mate who really isn’t ready yet, trying to guilt them into staying put.
The point is to try to wait to say “I love you” until you feel pretty certain you and your partner are on the same love page. Discuss your feelings for each other to test the waters. How do you feel about each other? Do you like spending time together? Do you see a future together? Do you feel you’re right for each other?
And if you’ve said the “L” word too soon, it’s OK to say, “Oops, I blurted that out in a gooey moment and I’m not really sure I'm ready either.” That will take some of the pressure off of your partner to reciprocate his feelings at that moment.
Once you’re ready to say “I love you,” say it loud and say it proud. Everyone wants to know, feel and hear they are loved. And eventually your children will learn from you how to express their love and how to mean it.

So leave me your thoughts! Id love to hear..
Signing off

GVixen

4 comments:

  1. So did you say the "L" word?

    Aaron

    ReplyDelete
  2. No!!! Due to the nature of events over the last 24/ hours, It will defiantly be him that will have to tell me what he wants and how he feels about me in the coming weeks. It appears I have been a bad girl. Stay tuned I will be writing tonight possibly or working on a older Draft.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ok now I'm curious.....

    Aaron

    ReplyDelete
  4. anyone who you end up and you know I hope its this present one, they will get a jewel of a person, a real diamond, a girl who has been through the wars but still has her open heart,she has a huge loving self she just needs to recognize it and find her inner praise and find her self esteem

    ReplyDelete