Let your light shine, threw the Bullshit

Who am I? This is the never-ending question. In brief, I was a single parent of two who worked a lot and had struggles. My financial hardship came to a head in 2007. I lost everything, I wrote about it, including the stream of hilarious dating scenarios I went on in Vancouver Canada, I went to therapy, stayed with a friend who supported me, and I supported her threw her divorce. I started to reinvent myself in 2015 when I met my husband and we started dating, I worked at a private school in Chilliwack, made a new life, tons of great friendships, who are still very special to me today. I also at that time, took a fitness course and got some what fit. I took part in taking seniors for walks and I loved it.

When it was time for me to be with my husband, I decided to re-write the script of my life. This was no easy task. Career  change and identity change, for me was the hardest thing to do at age 49, because my 10-year profession was not recognized in the USA, it offered very little pay. I never give up on life situations, I am pretty much a fighter. My husband and I had talked about the hardships of a new company, I was willing to take that risk and fight on.

I had an amazing boss back in 2012 who taught me several different things in his company, I took one lesson with me, I thought I could do very well. I created a brand, a purpose and yes a mission statement. Most times my little cleaning business only pays for my girls who work for me. This is the starting faze. The company is mine, I worked hard for this with the help of my husband, and many friends who support me locally.

I went to Zumba and I met fun women, I went to writing clubs, non-profit events, networking. I also went to women’s bible studies.  I created my own social circle by opening my heart and just being me. There were almost zero past friends knocking on my door for an entire year I was stuck in the USA,  with the exception of a few,  one lived here- she rarely invited me out, due to kids, a career and her new marriage and new home.  So I got out, this is what I do- I’m the lady that will show up with a pie and say, chick flicks and shoot the shit this afternoon? I’m the lady who will walk up to a homeless person and say, hey you wanna grab lunch?  I have had many friendships with husbands and kids and busy lifestyles, we always made time for each other, if it meant something. I also have never asked for approval from my husband to have relationships, or adventures with women. I think my husband would respect me less if I did.

When I met my husband I realized there was a whole world of a different type of breed of men out there, I realized I wanted friendships that where empowering, giving, and sincere. My husband is my best friend.  My whole life I have had circles of friendships everywhere. Friendships where I don’t need dam approval, they love my craziness, those who didn't left, or I was all of a sudden unavailable, moving on to my next adventure, meeting someone new who could teach me something. " If you are willing to....regard every person you meet along the way as a lesson"

To make a long story short, I did the fucking work to re-write my script. Its my script. Its not for anyone else to decide on who I am, but me, or what my personality is -especially if they are only present for moments of time. Friendships take work, and you will rarely hear me speak ill of a person publically, I just don't believe in that sort of thing, shaming people, for what? Unless its Donald Trump.

I decided after the happiness and bliss of eating and gaining 40 pounds it was time to shed some serious weight, so I could backpack Europe and toss my grandkids in the air and have fun with my boys in the future. My Goal for 2018 was to be the best I could be, and hire someone that would look at specific needs for my, my age...my whining.. I hired the best in town. The stipulation was I had to do one competition show in my peak form.

Every person I have met threw marketing my company or threw friends of friends, social functions or just real friendships have supported me in my journey with fitness and my company. These people have really opened my heart. The women on my team push me and help me to be the best I can be, and I'm not perfect, non of us are. We are all there to pick each other up.

Then there's the haters…...

Sometimes when you are well, and you do change internally others may not view this positively.

You see when you are broken, you attract certain types of people, when you heal you may outgrow these people, if they do not grow with you. When you hurt internally you hurt people. When you are lost internally, you loose people. If you really want to be a part of something, I feel in this world you have to throw yourself in with two feet.

I am all for, bringing my old friendships into my new ones, but if the criticism is there- you missed the fucking boat. Because this is my script, not yours. Do your own work, or ask to be part of it at least.

Some old friendships shocked me with coming forth and restarting whole new chapter in my life, these girls are my ROOTS- you know who you are; MKW, My Mish! and TD,KV,KB,CM <3 font="">

If you want something in life, you must work for it. If you want to have a private life and a few selective friends, be a minimalist, do it- go do what makes you happy-its your story, live in a hole for all I, fucking care, whatever you feel you need to do in your life, do it.  I will applaud you for what you do that makes you happy if you are a friend of mine.

The people we criticize for success, will continue on in life, trust me, and have their light shinning brightly.  Criticizing what people have as possessions, is something you feel you are missing. I once had one friend who stated I drove a Beemer (BMW) after being bankrupt, that I was on the corporate ladder to success. Who am I going to fuck to get there, Id like to know. The corporate ladder is me, its all me.

 My vehicle has no bearing on who I am or what status I hold. By the way, it is a 13-year-old BMW, with 150000 miles on it, and was a gift from my husband so I could have a reliable vehicle to come see him.

When people are in pain, they are soon to forget what you did for them, what kind of friend you were to them.  I forgive all the time. But I don’t forget. The best thing to do, is shut off the noise immediately. Remove that person from words. Words can be powerful things to someone, just like money. No Fucks Given.  Move on with grace.

When you realize you are sparing verbally with a friend, that friend is out the door.

For example, if you surround yourself with positive people, that positivity will rub off on you. If you are a positive person, negativity can really kill your soul- so just cut that crap at the start.

If your liaison with powerful people with wealth or knowledge, those things will be more likely to attract toward you. That's from the 48 laws of power.

Be who you want to be, and people who love you will stand with you.

Why am I writing this? Well like a battleship in the night, with zero warning I had some haters, via text and Facebook.  There was no phone call to discuss, just verbal messages of what a shit person I was. You want to be part of my group, but you criticize the entire group?? My old friend mentioned hazing? Who does that? What is that?

The new group of friends I have, rotate dinner parties, like church studies, sister clubs. We are welcomed into their homes. How would you feel if I brought 2-3 people into your place you don’t know? Just because you have a group of people there? There is no hazing, there is getting to know people prior to see if you are a good personality match to the group. If you are super shy and timid, you may not want to discuss how many pairs of underwear you have in your drawer.

Its really that simple.  I have been battling my old friendships for some time, two I dumped- sorry I don’t drink to get hammered, judge people publicly or smoke. I don’t have time for that crap. I do have time for climbing mountains, creating art, and talking about helping people in need or business, or a movie.

Then there was the friend who fell in love with a guy and moved away on my wedding week, she was the maid of honor- that was a real slice of heaven during that week. Then there was many who, if I missed an event in Canada or couldn’t get out there, well they decided for me that I completely had no time or room for them in my life. They didn’t ask me or call me and say hey lady- I really miss you, lets hang out. That is what mature women do.

You put endless effort into friendships…and when your effort stops because you are living life- you’re an asshole. I am ok with being an Asshole, many people cherish this aspect of me, and my potty mouth and my, quote un quote – unprofessionalism on Facebook. As I have mentioned before Facebook is a joke to me, it’s a façade of your life of what really is your life, for me its just another media entertainment source. Except for my professional pages, which are separate.

While re-writing my script, I come along many people that just keep me in awe, they are like super special people, with lessons and mentorship and love so great it comes out of them.

My trainer who studies Buddhism, always starts our team meetings with power, light and positivity. This woman has enough grace for a small country, she has changed my life. My trainer is a strong woman, who does not believe in failure or cants, there is no such thing in her world and she has given me this power somewhat. I still complain and make weird noises in the gym- but she just does not give up on me ever. The greatest things, I take away from my trainer is; If you don’t ask, …..

This applies to everything in life, If you don’t ask how will you know? How will you receive? How will you learn? Listen to my message here.

The very first women I ever met in Bellingham, I stopped going to therapy discussing my career identity and hardship of missing my kids and instead met with her and found that to have spiritual guidance is important, in everything, she is silly and fun, on top of that she has true spiritual guidance that helps her focus on her daily life- this has brushed off on me, it sets the day.

I met a writer Jessi, that writes about outrageous women, she came up to me and told me I am that type of person, I light up a room. Now moving forward after reading her book and seeing her adventures and being around her, I want her to be a dear friend of mine- I want to know her more and I want to have adventures forever.

There are many women I have met that just fuel my fire, from artists to neighbours to business women, to new family, to amazing penpals in Australia, it never stops for me- I love communication and relationships, so if you feel left out- If you don't ask......

People who engage with me weekly, work with me know how professional I am and how hardworking I am, and I know it- so that’s really all that should matter.  I want my work to be fun, we laugh, we listen to music. I want my employers to be wowed- Its hard work, so after the fun, my team gets down to it hard.  I put knowledge and value on our work, we are not based on an hourly rate, or if there are two people x number of hours- we are based on work we do differently then the rest, overhead, and training. If you know what’s true in your heart, then hey, the rest is just Bullshit.

Let your light shine threw the Bullshit.

Peace out